Yeah, sorry for my absense, I've been catching up on a few things the past week. I will have to do a post about Destiny Online soon, I have mentioned it but I have never really showed it to you. I have been spending time on there sorting out some things and catching up. On top of this I have been organizing my thoughts and planning out stuff I want to write about. Don't worry I have not disappeared from Xanga again ha ha. Not much has happened in the past week, I've just been playing Destiny, working on this new story I am writing, catching up with friends, that kind of stuff.

Sorry if this is kind of short,  didn't want you guys to think I am gone so I had to write something. I will be back on Xanga in full swing on Monday. i have so much I want to write about but I need a few more days to sort it all out in my head or i'm going to have a hard time writing about it, organizing my feelings into words.

See you guys in a few days, and sorry for my lack of activity the past 2 weeks.

It's funny what kind of things can appear in your dreams.  I dream about things like breathing under water, sky diving, strange lands made of really random objects that are just lying around in real life that have absolutely nothing to do with architecture, mythical creatures, and most of all friends. The thing that gets to me, the reason why I am writing about this today is that I feel like I need to write out a theory I have about my dreams. For the past 8 or 9 years I have been having dreams where Darik appears just randomly out of nowhere. Darik has been in my dreams for so long I never even think of it now usually but I thought that I should at least think about it once. I have come up with a few thoughts about this.

Well, some of you know I don't really have a crush on Darik or have those kind of romantic feelings towards him. Darik is however an important person to me. My first theory has to do with this. I kind of see him as somewhat of a role model, someone to look up to, I always have in some kind of way. I have always thought he is amazing in a lot of ways. I had a crush on Darik on top of this for a long time so I think that those two trains of thought just caused my sub conscious to put him in my dreams so often. I don't look up to very many other people, or like very many other people as much as I like him. My sub conscious always puts people in my dreams that I either think about, or sometimes people that I have strong feelings for.  So my firs theory is that I dream about him just mainly because he has been such a prominent figure in my life for so long, half of it to be exact. My subconscious decided to just randomly, but often put him in my dreams for this fact. Darik kind of has a unique position in my heart, and in my life in general. Meeting Darik changed me in a lot of ways, and you just don't forget something like that.  I do think about him sometimes, I guess that could be another reason.  The impact he has had on my life, I don't really know how to summon it up in words, but i'm pretty sure that is the reason I dream about hm so often, because he has had such a huge impact on my life. My feelings for him are very strong, and I know this both sub consciously and consciously, this could be the cause.

I had a crush on Darik for a long time, my feelings were starting to get stronger though 8 years ago. I decided that it was probably better if I supress my feelings or make them go away somehow. I was starting to like other people and I didn't want my feelings for him to get in the way, they were kind of beginning to make things weird with us, so I decided that since I was starting to be interested in other people I would force myself to get over him. I did succeed for the most part. I am pretty sure my feelings for him are still there, somewhere locked behind an iron door where they won't ever get out. My feelings for him, if they ever did come back I know they would be a lot more mature than they were last time I let them roam free. My second theory is about this. I have a theory that somewhere in my deep sub conscious I really do have feelings for him and they are causing me to dream about him. I don't think this is as probable as the first theory though. Even if I did still have feelings for him I doubt they would be strong enough, prominent enough to ignite such a reaction in my sub conscious.  I don't know though since if I do have sub conscious feelings for him they might have evolved to a strong level, my heart sometimes does that with certain feelings sometimes. If i have a dormant feeling or though sometimes it just becomes stronger, and then eventually lets loose. I don't think this is the scenario in this case though. It is more probable that my first theory is the right one.

these are my main two theories on this. I will most likely end up thinking about this more in the future though since it is really interesting to me how my brain works. Sometimes my brain does strange things.

I'm glad I got these thoughts out.

I knew I would feel this way eventually. I feel like my life is moving too fast, and now that I am going back to college soon, and possibly getting a job I am getting a bit nervous. I just realized this today, and I have been thinking about it for a while now. I never thought of it very much in the past couple of months but sometimes I doubt if I am ready to start my life again. I just assume that everyone feels this way sometimes so I am not terribly worried but it is making me feel nervous. I am worried that I will lose confidence and motivation when I go back and I won't be able to do as well as I want to. I am worried that I won't be able to understand what the teachers try to tell me. I am afraid I will be slow and will fall behind. I really don't want to fail again. I am also worried that having a laptop won't fix my problem of not being able to take notes because I am too slow at writing with a pen or pencil. I just need to express these things because expressing my feelings on Xanga so far has helped a lot in the past. I am worried about all the hardships I know will come to me when I start living my life again instead of just sitting here on the computer, playing games, writing stuff, and talking to friends. I am afraid of the pain I will feel as I start running and working out, and all the stress that will come with it.

I am feeling a lot right now and I just needed to write it down.

Sunday was pretty crazy. I had to wake up at 7am. I just stayed in bed listening to music the first 10 minutes i was awake, then I had to go wash my hair.  I got out about 10 minutes past 8am, and got dressed. I wore my new green shirt yesterday. I just watched anime until about 8:40am and then did my hair and got ready for the church meeting I was going to. If any of you have
forgotten I am LDS. Anyway, so they organized 3 new Stakes in our area, 10 or more wards are usually in 1 stake. This meeting was for every single young adult in the city I live in, we all went to it it was pretty big. I left the house at about 9:15am, and gota ride over to my church. I got a ride with some of my neighbors to the place where we had this special church meeting after we waited a while at our church for more people that needed rides. I rode with my friend Stacy, and my other friend Elaisa. We talked about what we have been up to while we were in the car.

When we got there we found some seats, and just waited. I played iPhone games while I was waiting for the meeting to begin. The meeting was about 2 hours long, they told us how this idea for a Young Single Adult Stake came to be and then they told us our new wards. I used to be the CV 6th ward, now I am in the 9th ward, i'm not going to tell you the name of my ward because that would give away my loacation. They had a bunch of speakers, 3 for each of the 3 stakes and then some others. I kind of fell asleep for most of the meeting on accident, I caught the funny parts of the speakers though, you can't miss the sound of hundreds of people laughing at the same time. I didn't get very much sleep the night before so I wasn't entirely there.

Anyway, after the meeting was over, we talked about the "Munch and Mingle" that we were going to have at 5pm that afternoon. Basicly we would all get together and socialize with the people in our stake (I am part of the 1st stake out of the 3), there would also be food. We walked to the car and I told them to pic me u around 5 or 5:30. I read some of my poetry and talked about my nieces and nephews on the way back home.

I got back home a little past 12:30 noon time and I just got on Destiny Online and talked to a few people for a while. I started working on this new story that I have been thinking of for a while. I can't give you any details for now because it will ruin the surprise but it will be totally awesome. I helped my sister wrap some of Kayla's presents and I ate lunch, then I went back downstairs and listened to music for a while, and then turned on some anime for a while.

I fell asleep for a few hours later on and slept until my friends came by and picked me up.  I got my Sunday clothes back on and went upstairs and we left. My friend drove a stick, it was kid of a bumpy car ride.  

When we got to our new church building where we are going to have church from now on there were a ton of people there. I was quite surprised, there must have been like over 200 or 300 people packed into the church building it was crazy. We went into the gym, they had bagels and cream chese, muffins, and stuff for peanut butter and jelly sandwitches.  I just kind of snacked on those while I was talking to people. I didn’t talk very much but I did listen to other people talk. It’s really fun to listen to people talking when there are so many people around.  

I spotted Darik and Dylan, or rather walked pass them on my way to grab another bagel. I just listened to them talking with their other friends, I didn’t really feel like saying anything at that point in time.  They left after a while and me and my friends just started talking to other people. Some guy did some magic tricks for us with cards anda  few coins, it was pretty neat.  

After about 20 or 30 minutes there I started to get a bit overstimulated so I suggested we leave. I don’t do very well in large crowds it’s kind of stressful for me.  

My friends brought me home after that and I just watched James Bond movies and just chilled for a while.  We ate dinner not to long after I got home. We had home made macaroni and cheese, and steak, salad, and potatoes it was pretty good.  I just went back to what i was doing after I ate.  My mom forgot to call me upstairs to sing happy birthday to kayla a few hours later, lucky the candles were trick candles because we got to sing again with me there.  It was cute watching her try and blow out the candles.  there was a cake and a pie, I had the cake, it was strawberry. We had mint chocolate chip ice cream, cookies and cream ice cream and vanillla ice cream. I had the mint chocolate chip kind with my cake.  I almost couldn’t eat all my cake, I actually don’t like cake that much, I ate it because kayla liked it, I wanted to eat it because of her. it was pretty good but I kind of wish i ate the pie instead.  

I went downstairs with my cake and ice cream and watched anime fora  while.

It was about a half an hour after this kayla opened her prsents. I think Natalie was even more excited than kayla was, we kept on having to tell her to be quiet because she was being really loud.  Kayla loved all of her presents.

After this nothing much happened, I just watched movies for the rest of the night.  :)

My weekend was pretty nice I did a lot of stuff. I am still not finished with the stuff I am writing but I will be soon. I can't wait to post it here so you guys can see. I will just write about Saturday in this post, I'll write about Sunday right after I post this in a different entry.

Anyway, so my weekend was pretty fun, I went to a lot of places.  Saturday started off fairly normal. I logged onto Destiny Online, and chekced facebook, then I started watching anime. Things were pretty normal until about 11:30pm when my sister and my dad said we were going shopping for kayla's birthday (my niece). Kayla's birthday was on Sunday.

I got dressed and grabbed my bag and my phone.  I went upstairs and ate some yogurt for breakfast and then went out the door. It was pretty cold and it was lightly snowing, nothing serious though.  The first thing Kayla wanted was a new blanket. We got my sister a really fluffy blanket for christmas, kayla wanted one just like it. We were talking about the store we thought we bought it in. I remembered we didn't buy it at Maycey's, and we didn't buy it at Bed Bath and Beyond, we ended up looking their anyway since they have pretty good stuff though. We looked around the store for a while, I looked at the bed sets, and the scales, and a few other things. We found this really soft red blanket that was just her size.

I decided to get one of the scales, I needed a new one anyway so I just bought it. I also got a cookie's and Cream candy bar so I wouldn't get carsick (I get carsick on an empty stomach). My sister bought the red blanket and then we left the store.

We went to Walmart after this. Kayla wanted some kind of Butterfly Fairy toy. I let my sister and my dad just go off and try to find it, I wanted to look at the clothes in the front of the store. I found a few shirts I liked, one of them was yellow, then i chose another one like it that was green. I looked at some other racks and there was some i liked that were pink, black, blue, and purple. I grabbed one of each color and headed to the dressing room.  I wasn't really supposed to do this because we were only supposed to be in the store about ten minutes because my brother was running pretty soon. I just thought I would hurry.

I ended up liking the shirts, my dad called me while I was in the dressing room, he sounded pretty irritated and told me that I didn't have time to buy the shirts because we would miss my brother's race at UVU.  I was feeling a little frustrated, but I gave the shirts to the lady that was managing the dressing rooms and told her to hold them for me for about an hour until we got back. My sister didn't find the toy we were looking for, we ended up leaving the store without anything and headed off to my brother's race at UVU. It wasn't snowing at this time but it was pretty cold.

The track he ran at is fairly new it has only been there for about a month now. We went and stood in front of the bleachers and watched some of the girls races, and a few hurtle races as well. We were standing out in the cold for about a half an hour before my brother did the 3000 meter race. He did pretty well, he is one of the best people on the team. The race was 7 laps, he lost track of how many laps he ran and slowed down near the end, he thought he had one lap left. He ended up getting second, but it was only because it was freezing cold and that kind of made him slow down a bit, on top of the fact that he forgot there wasn't another lap left in the race.  He could have won that race easy, he is really great. 

I was freezing cold by the end of the race, we talked to my brother for a little bit and then we headed off to Walmart to go pick up my shirts.

I grabbed my shirts, and a new umbrella I wanted and went through the checkout stand.

My sister decided we would go to Toys R Us next, so we headed over there to try and find the butterfly fairy toy my niece wanted.  When we went there we looked through various sections. We went through the Hello Kitty section, the disney princess section, and the barbie section. We finally found her some butterfly fairy toy in the barbie section after looking for a while.  I started walking around the store a little and found the Toy Story Section. I have been looking or a really good Sheriff Woody Doll for a very long time now. They didn't have it at Toys R Us either. I had previously looked for it at the Disney Store in the mall but they were sold out.  I think I might have to buy one on amazon.  They had a Buzz Lightyear, and some of the other characters but no Woody. I went back to searching for presents for Kayla after this.

We got her this sparkley pegasus, I got her some coloring books and crayons. We also got her "Voyage of the Dawn Treader", the third Narnia movie. I don't remember what else we got but we were there for quite a while. We looked at Hello kitty stuff, dragons, horses, stuffed animals, pillow pets, tinker toys, etc. I almost got her some tinker Toys but they were a little expensive. It was over all a really fun trip.

We went to another grocery store after this and we bought some groceries for the dinner on Sunday, I found a rack with bandanas and bought a bunch. I usually wear bandanas sometimes when my bangs get annoying, it's nice to get my hair out of the way. I bought one of each color. I also went down the Easter isle and bought a really cute duck stuffed animal, and a little cute duck beanie baby.  I went down the toothbrush / toothpaste isle and looked at the electric toothbrushes. I bought this really nice toothbrush that was $30, totally worth it though. It came with a re-charger and stuff, so nice.

After we were done with all our shopping we went back home and brought all the stuff inside. I cleaned my room up, and hung my new clothes up. I took a nap after this for a couple of hours and just spent the rest of the day writing, playing games, and watching anime.

Anyway, so that was Saturday, it was pretty awesome. I will stop here and make Sunday a whole different post. I don't feel like putting both into one post.

I'm going to go ahead at take the weekend off so I can finish some stuff I'm writing. I will be back on Monday though! Here is a poem before I go. I will post the audio later.  I just want to focus on writing some stuff this weekend, I'm working on some pretty amazing posts but they are taking time and my brain can think of little else right now. It actually feels really nice to be focused on something as much as this. Can't wait until I can show you guys.

Edit: (May 23rd The Audio is finally up!)

The sun rise in my heart

miracle after the night

once a lonely porcelian doll

sitting on the shelf

kissed by the sweet sunlight

brought to life by love

eternal song in my heart

melody going on forever

something that can't be broken

eternal star shining forth

unbreakable bonds live on

life is like the tide

destiny is like the river

forever we float on the clouds

falling from the sky

love gives us wings

eternal breeze in my heart

living life day to day

happiness is like the rising sun

So today I went shopping again. I bought some oranges, apples, juice, garbage bags, yogurt, and a few other things. I really enjoy going to the store, or going out in general. I haven't gotten out very much in the past couple of years. I am trying to do something about this now but used to spend almost every waking moment alone, except for times with my family on occasion i the evenings, and church on Sundays. You know I have had a bit of trouble with running away from my problems in the past. I never really allowed myself to want to go anywhere, or be around anyone. I was always afraid I would get in the way of my family members or my friends or other people if I decided to be free, so I confined myself to my computer in my room for 3 years nearly.  I can tell this hasn't been healthy emotionally for me at all. I have just made it so it's harder for me to be around people,  I am trying to change this now.

I am glad I am finally thinking more about myself, what I want, what I need, what I want to do, without being selfish. It's so refreshing to let myself think freely, write freely, do stuff freely. I am going to possibly, maybe learn how to use the bus system over here. I think it would help me a lot, and make it easier for me to get a job even. One of my problems with getting a job is transportation. My family is very busy and a lot of the time they can't drive me places, this has caused me not to want to go places in the past because I felt like I was being a burden. If you have read a decent amount of my previous posts you know that being a burden on people is a big deal to me. I really like to make things as easy for people as I can. 

It's windy and cold today, these types of days make me think a lot and bring out a lot of emotion. i don't know what it is about wind but it always makes my mind restless and come alive. I think this is the reason I hate it when the weather is also cold. Cold weather provokes my negative and depressing thoughts sometimes. It's funny how the weather can sometimes really change your mood. I prefer the summer, or the spring. The flowers and all the plants in the spring and summer and even the leaves in the early fall make my imagination, and positive thoughts come out and make me feel energetic and relaxed. 

Anyway, sorry if this entry wasn't that interesting. I'm working on a few kind of long ones right now, can't wait until I am finished and I can post them on here.  I just don't feel right if I skip a day of posting. I love Xanga that much.  I'm just trying to pull whatever I can out of my head right now while at the same time trying not to share to many thoughts at once. if I share everything all at once what will I have left to share? 

1. Black people make me nervous. I'm not saying I don't like black people, in fact I love black people I think they are pretty cool. They just make me nervous for some reason. 
2. I have had 2 internet boyfriends. The first was named Ian, and the 2nd was named Richie. Ian was a total loser, I'm still friends with Richie though. I will tell you this story in a separate post though. I do NOT date on the Internet anymore. I was young and stupid back then. I'm not really proud of some of the stuff I used to do.
3. I only clean my room once a month. Reasons for this is that I am a complete organizing freak. Once I start cleaning I have to organize EVERYTHING! I am a perfectionist, but not too much. 
4. I like to put glue on my hands, let it dry and then peel it off. I think it feels cool!
5. I'm LDS but have never read the Book of Mormon myself. I read it with my family, but I'm still working on it independently.
6. In the 7th grade I enjoyed many days beating up this guy named Austin, I don't know why I liked hitting him so much but I did. 
7. I had a crush on Dylan for the equivalent of 3 and a half years. I had a crush on Darik for 5 years.  I never realized this until I started admitting that I liked Darik as a friend finally. I was in denial for so many years that I liked him at all. Darik wins this battle.
8. I've only had serious feelings for one person EVER and his name is Sam. Sam is the person I currently like and I have liked him for over 4 years now. He is that amazing yes.
9. I am not fond of people that talk a lot, especially people that talk loudly or act overly hyper. If someone wants to have a long conversation with me it better be intelligent.
10. I think sports fans are annoying and crazy.  I live in Utah, my whole family is a BYU fan, I'm a U of U fan.  hehe.
11. I at a whole bag of Starburst by myself once, one of the big bags.
12. I have an obsession with sparkles, stars, and anything that is shiny.
13. I've been playing this really crappy game called "Destiny Online" for the past 2 and a half years. Biggest waste of time in my life, I'm going to trash it soon. I've been staying for my friends but even that can't hold me there anymore. The game is a complete nightmare and the people that run it are even bigger nightmares.  I've only been pretending to like it for my friends that I have on it.
14. I spend most of my time on the computer, reading, or listening to music. Not proud of this one at all. I have been hiding from my problems for so long. I am going to start being more active, I bought running shoes yesterday and am learning Yoga as well. I am planning on going back to school soon.
15. I have never done the laundry in my whole life, my parents have always done it. You might think this is no big deal but I find it really embarrassing that I don't even know how to pay bills, do laundry, or get around the city on my own. **facepalm**
16. I have eye contact phobia.  I have nystagmus and people used to make fun of my eyes a lot so now I have a hard time looking anyone in the eyes it terrifies me a lot.
17. I have agoraphobia, it's not terrible, but it does effect me somewhat. I have a very bad fear of dogs, the stray ones that just roam around. In fact I'm so scared of them it terrifies me to even walk to the store, or step out of my house. I really need to take care of this one I know.  I do not feel safe outside at all.
18. I was terrified of most stuffed animals when I was younger, with the exception of my duck. I was also afraid of inatimate objects attacking me, and the stairs eating me when I walked up them.  Yes, as a child I did have a very over active emagination.
19. I never dyed my hair even once or until this past December. My hair color has always been natural.  I also have never used a curling iron.
20. I don't get along very well with my nieces. This one is my fault, I will tell you the story sometime. It is mostly my fault. I am trying to fix it though. 

I will just start with these haha.

I wrote this one when I was 15 or 16 years old for a church talent show. Hope you like it!

EDIT: The audio for yesterday's poem is up!

Oh Crimson Rose ,ye love of gold
What great power doth ye behold
For great is thy mercy thy core of love
it flows so sweetly like a dove

Love doth triumph over hate
and those who are under it’s great fate
Ye river of love flow through my soul
Make me pure, oh make me whole

Love, oh force of great power
Bless this earth with your great shower
Your great infurno shining forth
Your blazing fires spreading north

When angels fall from the sky like rain
They will banish the darkness, purge all the pain
With love’s mighty arrows they will do this great task
And free this earth from her blinding mask

Why would we fly upon wings of great white
When God’s love doth make us sore with great flight
Nay! No wings need ye have
For love makes you soar with great height

Love spreads through the sky
It weaves in through light
it purges the darkness
Love gives us great sight

Love blooms like a flower, it starts out small
Soon it becomes great, beautiful and tall
Protecting this world from all things that wrong
and spreading it’s beautiful, wonderful song

Oh rose don’t fade
shine forth your power
Blanket this earth every hour
Never leave us, live forever

Watch the mirror crash

lies spilled on the floor

curtains being torn down

she can't hide anymore

they stare at her unyielding

her masks slowly come off

slowly revealing her soul

as blood drops on the floor

her broken heart revealed

they laugh at her mockingly

her facade is just a joke

there's no more illusions

running towards the shadows

paper thin mirage

she silently turns to ashes

This one is about my fear of people seeing my weaknesses. 

Hey, just so everyone knows I just changed my username from Starlight_angel_79 to Empathic_Heart

I really think this username fits me really well. I have always had the power to feel other people's emotions pretty strongly. Sometimes when people talk to me, or when they write their emotions just really carry over to me and I can feel it really strongly. I have been Empathic my whole life, for as long as I can remember. I still have a lot to learn about my abilities and how to use them but I am practicing. My empathic heart still has a lot of growing to do, I'm not really perfect at reading people, but I am working on getting better so I can help others. I decided to change my name to Empathic_Heart because this is possibly the ability of mine I treasure the most.

I lost my empathy for a while from making bad decisions but now that I am changing and trying to improve and care for people more I feel like my empathic ability has been getting better. I lost it for a while, or rather blocked it out when I was trying to run away from my problems but I have been able to feel it coming back slowly, and I plan on making it stronger it is a truly wonderful gift to understand the emotions of others.  Hope you like the username.

I feel like this blog is fully mine now that I have the name I want. Oh, and please check out my previous post.

So I usually drink grapejuice while I'm at the computer. Yesterday after I finished it and the glass was empty I was looking at the computer screen through it and thought "Oh that looks kinda cool". (it was the last picture).  So I decided to try it with some more stuff and post it on Xanga. Today is a good day to do this because nothing besides General Conference has been going on today. Hope you like it!

I found a picture of a cloudy sky on photobucket and used it for this picture. I would have used the sky outside but it wasn't in the right condition.

I looked up hubble photos on photobucket and took a picture. This is a nebula.

A fractal

Another fractal

A folder I found lying on the kitchen table. I thought it would be a good object to use for this.

Phone book and a plant. they were in front of a stand in front of a mirror.

Looking out of the kitchen widow into the backyard.

One of our plants

A few mini resess peanut butter cups

Inside of the bag of Resses mini peanut butter cups

My room, well part of it anyway. this was pointing towards the closet.

This is actually the first one I took it's a shot of my computer screen. I was on Xanga in this picture.

If you guys like this I will do more in the future.

So this weekend is the LDS churches Semi Annual General Conference. Every 6 months my church holds a world conference, and people in the higher standings of the church give talks on the gospel and share their wisdom. Also every 6 months the Bishop of my ward holds a breakfast an hour and a half before conference starts (8am). Needless to say I was up pretty early. I got up at 7am after spending time on Xanga until 4 in the morning, so  didn't get much sleep.  Like a zombie out of the grave I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. I spent a few minutes on Xanga after I woke up and listened to some Breaking Benjamin to wake myself up. I checked a few other websites as well, the time flew by as I did so. It was around 7:45 when I tried to do something with my hair. I took off the white bandanna that I usually wear to bed and started flipping my bangs here and there trying to get them to behave and look good. I didn't really succeed unfortunately however. I ended up putting m hair back in my ponytail and bandanna, got on my jacket, pulled on my black boots and grabbed my cell phone. I looked at the clock and was a bit puzzled by what I saw, it was 8:17am. I just stood there staring at the clock for about 3 seconds thinking about how time flies when you are trying to get your hair to behave.

I grabbed my ear buds and shoved them in my jacket pocket, then walked up the stairs and straight out the door. I would guess it was probably in the upper 40s or the lower 50s, that is what it felt like to me. the sky was decorated by pale grey clouds, I didn't think very much about the clouds except for how cool the risen sin made them look, it was pretty nice.  Usually when I go outside I have this lingering feeling of nervousness but not today for some reason. I was pretty calm and relaxed. for some of you that do not know I have a really bad fear of stray dogs. I am usually reluctant to go outside somewhat usually because of this, and I have mild Agoraphobia as well. today I did not feel afraid, I knew everything would be fine for some reason and I just started walking to my bishops house. As I was walking down the side walk I was greeted by the sounds of people playing soccer at our near by track, there were also a few people running. this just made me feel even more relaxed.

As I got further down the street to my bishops house I decided to turn on my music. I pulled out my earbuds and plugged them into my iPhone. I went to my Pandora Radio app and turned on my Nightwish radio station, it is my favorite one to listen to. I lowered the volume slightly and started walking again.  I came to the the road that goes up over the nearby canal and I walked up and down the hill and I could hear the various people mowing their lawns when I got ot the other side. It wasn't to long after that I reached my bishops house.

I knocked on the door and was greeted by one of his kids who told me to come in.

I walked through the house into the kitchen and was greeted by everyone. I was shown where the food was and I began to choose what I would eat. there was French Toast, waffles, strawberries and pineapple. There was also whipped cream and orange juice as well on the table. I grabbed 1 waffle and 1 piece of french toast and put the syrup on it then began to eat. I was kind of in my own world at that point, daydreaming and such, thinking about Sam and a few other friends of mine, and I still had my music plugged into my ears on a light volume. 

I didn't really say much to anyone I just mainly listened a little. People were talking about school and work and their lives. I didnt pay much attention to the details of what they were saying, I was kind of busy eating my food.  When I was done I just kind of wandered back ad forth around the kitchen and the living room, just listening to the various conversations. i was absent mindedly carrying around my plate, kind of in a sleepy daze from not getting very much sleep. I decided to try and get Darik and Dylan to come to the breakfast and I texed Darik telling him about it. They never came but I am glad I tried. they live across the street from my bishop's. 

I had been standing up the whole time, even while eating. I looked around for a seat and saw one at the counter, I went to go sit down. I just sat there with my empty plate in front of me listening to music. One of my neighbors that was helping out with the breakfast interrupted my half dazed daydreaming state and asked me if I wanted another piece of french toast, I just said yes. I put strawberries on this one this time however, and whipped cream.  I had fun with the whippped cream, i usually never have it. My mom doesn't really believe in buying whipped cream, it's not all that healthy.  I really enjoy it when I can for this reason, just because I don't have it very often.  I ate my strawberries and whipped cream on French toast and it was really great.

I started paying more attention to what everyone was saying after this. We started talking about our sleeping habits and why we sleep when we do. I told them I usually either go to bed early and wake up early, or go to bed late and end up waking up early anyway.  I kind of faded out of the conversation after a while and threw away my plate. I decided to hang out on the couch in the living room for a while and play games on my phone after that. I was greeted by my bishop and he asked about how my brothers were doing. I told him that my brother (T) was running and was going to be going to Indonesia for the summer for some school related thing, I forget what it is.  My other brother (P)  is in college and is trying to become an accountant.  Our conversation didn't last much longer after that. I just spent about 10 minutes after that just playing with my phone and petting my bishop's really pretty Labrador Retriever, she is totally gorgeous and is a very nice dog.

After a while if just snacking on pineapple and listening to people talk because I had nothing better to do everyone left before conference started. I left with them and walked back home.

I checked a few things on Xanga and then pulled up TweetDeck for conference.

During General Conference I opened up 2 columns in TweetDeck, one was for the hashtag #lds and the other #ldsconf. I wanted to keep up with what other people were saying and re-tweet stuff I liked. On occasion I did comment on a part of some of the talks I liked, but most of the time I pretty much just re-tweeted like an angry bird, I was doing it pretty fast. There were a lot of people that were throwing out great quotes and moments. I always try not to tweet to much during conference just because it's a destraction so I just end up re-tweeting other people's tweets if I like them. Conference was pretty neat. I really liked the talk in the first session about the value of women in the church.

In Between the 1st and 2nd sessions I just listened to music, and tried to catch up on Xanga as best as I could, I also took a short 1 hour nap before the 2nd session. I wanted to stay in bed and listen to it on my phone but my friend is in the BYU Idaho choir and they were singing in the 2nd session of General Conference. I got up when the choir started to sing, and looked for Sam in the choir and I saw him a few times! During the talks I just did the same as I did before in the last session pretty much. I did give up tweeting about 20 minutes before the 2nd session ended and just sat there in my chair listening. Surprisingly enough I fell aslep during the end (in my chair yes). I didn't sleep for too long though, once the choir started singing again I dragged myself upstairs again and looked for Sam again.

After the 2 sessions of conference had ended I just got back on Xanga and I've just been trying to catch up with people's entries as well as I can. 

Oh a random note I had a mango, orange peach jam, and almond butter sandwitch for lunch.

If anything happens I will update this later, I think I need to take a nap or something I feel dead ha ha.

EDIT: My niece and sister in law and my brother came over,  we had coliflower soup for dinner and toasted cheese sandwiches it was pretty good. I had chocolate candy for dessert. My sister had some left over candy she didn't want and she shared it.

Well some of you know I am not a terribly social person, in fact I talk to you people on Xanga more than I talk to anyone in real life in all honesty.

When I was younger I was made fun of a lot and was an outcast. When I went to the school for the blind and visually impaired I made some pretty good friends we were pretty close. I was only close with 3 or 4 neighbors around me. I've always lived kind of a quiet life. I have always been mostly fine with not being that social, I never really thought about having lots of friends except for in the 6th grade, and I've never really wanted many material possessions. No one really expected me to do much because of my bad vision, and the fact that I have trouble and have always had trouble working in groups with other people. I kind of grew up with the notion that I was not needed for most things, people did not need my help.

My parents have never really made me do any chores, we never really had a set list of chores, my mom and dad usually did most of the work around the house. I didn't even think much of this, all I was required to do was clean my room on occasion when it got really messy and on occasion put the dishes away.  I never had to do yard work except for a few times when we had to pick up the apples off the ground. I was really spoiled when I was younger in all honesty.

Because I was treated so differently by a lot of people I got used to being by myself  or with my very few close friends. I got used to being spoiled at school with treats, and not having to work at home, and I developed what I call a (ME Complex). I became a little too self oriented, too focused on myself. I became a selfish person that only cared about myself.

I used to be a complete nightmare 10 years ago when I was 11.  I disrespected my friends, and called them losers. I thought everything was about me. I thought that I was the most popular and the coolest person i the world. I treated everyone outside my circle of friends with contempt, like they were dirty trash from the outside that I did not want in my space.  I was nice to my closest friends and my family. I was a really big brat to my teachers as well.

I became a little less extreme and a little nicer in the 7th grade, I was still pretty much a loner though. Brooke and Devin are younger than me so they weren't in junior high with me when I was younger. I was okay wit being alone at school most of the time. I hung around Darik and Dylan and their friends sometimes but most of the time I was just alone wandering the halls. I still had a pretty bad (ME Complex), but it wasn’t as aggressive. My ME Complex was mainly internal now. I could be pretty mean sometimes but I wasn’t as mean as I was the year before.  

In the 8th and 9th grade I hung out with Amanda and Rebecca they were my best friends. I still hung out with brooke and Amanda of course as well though. with my 4 friends I was feeling pretty good about myself, comfortable, I didn't have to do any chores, and my teachers never really expected too much of me. I was pretty relaxed. Rebecca and Amanda did have some troubles in the 9th grade that I was in the middle of but we worked it out. I will tell you that story some other time.  

Things didn't really change much after Brooke moved, I was hanging out with Amanda then and I had expected Brook would move for a while. I was also used to losing friends by now. I knew we would probably not hang out anymore, but we would always be friends no matter where she lived.  I just spent most of my days after school hanging out with Amanda and / or watching TV and playing video games.  I never even gave a second though to the fact that i never really did anything for anyone except for give advice on occasion. A few times I did clean the kitchen, but most of the time I just blew any requests off from my parents for doing anything else. As far as I was concerned the didn’t need my help and I didn’t really want to do anything for them. Thoughts like these went through my head on a regular basis and I never flinched once. Everything would work my way or I would find some way to get out of it.

The only person I hung out with in high school after brook moved away was Amanda. Rebecca and I had drifted apart.  I was so into my world I failed to see much else around me. It was just me and Amanda and a few other friends on occasion, mostly neighbors that lived close by.  If I wasn't at home watching TV and / or playing video games I would be with them also playing video games and / or watching TV.  My routine in high school was pretty simple. I woke up at 6:30am, got ready for school, got on the bus and went to school. When I was at school i sometimes had breakfast there and then went to class after that. between classes I would just wander the halls for a few minutes and daydream and think about random stuff.  During lunch I spent time with Amanda and a few other friends during the 10th and 11th grade. If i wasn't doing that then I was in the library assisting the librarian, or looking around for Darik and Dylan wondering what they were doing.  I didn't really talk to people very much inside class, except for my teachers. I had motivational problems, and confidence problems. So far as I was concerned it didn't matter if I got good grades,  just wanted to pass. I was lazy with all my assignments and didn't even flinch about it most of the time. I took advantage of my aid and didn't really try to do anything on my own, everything was abut me, me and my little bubble.  

In the 12th grade things started to fall out with my friends. I started having troubles with Eric and Amanda, and me and my few other friends were drifting apart.. I had started watching anime and had started spending more time on the Internet. My friends had jobs and / or boyfriends and we didn't really see each other very much. I spent many days after school during the 12th grade just talking to people on forums and watching anime, just fueling my reclusiveness.  I didn't do anything around the house still, actually I think I was a little worse.  If I wasn't doing this I was taking naps.  More and more I became a recluse, becoming content with being alone, or not being around people very often.  Eric had a girlfriend by this time, we hardly ever talked to each other. Amanda and I were starting to drift apart, she got a job and had a boyfriend. I no longer hung out with anyone between classes, and my friends had mysteriously changed their lunch spot without telling me. I just let this stuff sort of happen, I didn't want to worry about it.

By the middle of the 12th grade I had met Sam and Lexy.  For the first time in a while I cared about someone else genuinely beside myself. I hung out wit them at lunch, and we had a class or two together through the 2nd semester. That semester I grew so much, and learned so much about myself. Things at home were pretty much still the same, but I wasn’t as self oriented at school, it wasn’t just about me anymore.  My grades didn’t really improve, but I cared about people more. I don’t think I did enough actions to reflect that though.

By the time school ended and I graduated I felt pretty good. The downside is that I spent the whole summer alone on the computer not really dong anything.  

College came around. I didn't really have any friends through my first year of college, except for the very few times I saw Darik and Dylan I never saw any of my friends there. I was mainly alone, except for the times when I talked to Sam on the phone.

I was more self oriented than ever by now, I no longer believed that I needed to make new friends or interact with people. It was just me, Sam, and my family. I did not need anyone to intrude inside my bubble. I was happy with the way things were.  College didn't go to smoothly that year, but I made it out alive. That is a whole other story though.

I spent every waking moment alone after I was out of college after my first year. I decided I wasn't ready to go back there yet and decided to take a break.  I spent a lot of time on the computer over the last 3 years. It will be 3 years since I have been out of college in about 2 weeks from now. I have spent most of my time on the computer, not really thinking about anyone outside the Internet. I just spent my time watching anime, answering stuff on Yahoo answers, playing Destiny Online,  making friends online, etc.

It has taken me all this time to realize what this has done to me. I have been thinking about my life and how I have been living it. I haven’t really tried enough at all. Without even realizing it myself I became selfish and I lost empathy and came to fear everything around me. Social contact terrifies me in most situations. I have come to hate people and / or just dislike them. I have become so self oriented I care about little outside my bubble.  Even God isn't really that big of a part of my life right now I ignored him too as well. All of these things including the fact that I am a very prideful person have been caused by me refusing to look around at everything or anyone else. Instead of pushing my fear away and not letting it grow when it was still weak I let it grow and cause so many problems for me.  Do you think I could have avoided this outcome in my life?

I’m just glad I’m 21, because I am stilll so young I have a lot of time to fix this stuff. I have time to fix that fact that I have trouble caring about people. I have time to start doing stuff for people, I have time to start talking to God, more, I have time to get over my social fears, and reach out to people, I have time to become less prideful, I have time to try better in school, I have time to do more around the house and the yard, I have time to fix things with some of m friends, I have time for so many things and I am really glad for this.  I have realized I have so many problems, I am scared yes, and I know it will be hard to get over all of these but I am pretty sure I can do it.  Interacting with people, getting a job, reaching out to people is going to be hard.  Selfishness at this level is going to be hard to get rid of but I know that I can do it now that I fully understand just how damaging it is.  

All this stuff with my social life, and me always wanting to be alone is going to have to change. I know I can’t live my life like I have been living it lately.

These last 3 years have been a real pain for me. I have grown a lot though. True, I did cause a few more problems and I let some grow even larger, but because I have spent the last 3 years or so practically doing nothing it has opened my eyes to the fact of how my decisions in the past have effected the present and thus opened my eyes to what I need to do, and how to fix things.

I won’t lie I am really scared... I think I can do it though

If you haven't noticed by now this selfish, un epathetic, hateful, person i have become isn't me. I really do truly want to help people, I want to become more useful, I want to become more social (somewhat), I want to become closer to God, I want to be able to open my heart to people. I know I can reverse this damage.  Throughout my whole life I have been at least somewhat aware of this brighter side of me I have always been afraid of letting it grow. I am afraid of getting attention, I am afraid of becoming more noticable. I know I can do it though.  I know I can become a great person.  I can no longer afford to let this side of me just be dormant.

I'm writing about all this stuff right now because I really feel horrible about the person I am right now. Every day I an wracked with guilt. I just needed to put this down in writing, I needed to get it out. I am not happy with what my life has become. I really need to change it so I needed to get my feelings out. Thanks for reading this.

Wow, so I didn't get around to typing up the post I was going to do so I'll just improvise for today since not posting is kind of a really super weird thought now.  Here is a drawing I did a long while back. I'm not exactly that great at drawing, but everyone that has seen this thinks it's pretty cool. I will put a link to the page that it's on on DeviantART below the picture if you want to see the more detailed / bigger version.

If you want to see some other things I have done look at my deviantart. 

http://kalystia.deviantart.com/

http://kalystia.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d2ea119

Wrote this for Eric originally, he will never see it though for sure. This was written one day after I woke up after having a dream about him when I was still struggling with my feelings. I remember when I wrote it the first thing I did was posted it on Xanga. I'm sure if you look through my entries way back into early 2010 it's somewhere there in text form. I feel like reading it to you.

This was originally a song, but I decided it's better off being a poem after a while.

Enjoy!

Oh and here it is in text form

Reminiscent of the past
I toss in my sleep
Every night I dream of you
A ghost of the past awakening
From the shadows of hell
I dream of you I dream of you
I can still taste his bittersweet love
A once beautiful dream faded
Now shackled to my heart
A once forgotten love awakened

My heart screams for you
My thoughts yearn for you
You torture me
This is my infinity
My curse my hell, my love for you

Every night I see your face
An image seered into my mind
into my heart, into my soul
no one knows my pain
my oblivion is near
I see you with her and I cry
I just want you to be mine again.

My heart Bleeds for you
My thoughts scream for you
You kill me
This is my infinity
My song only for you.

I hear the metal clank
as i carry this burden
my feelings for you, my prison
the moon does not shine for us
the stars have faded
a once forgotten love within
a struggling demon
my love for you, my prison
this is my infinity, my forever curse.

My heart cries for you
My thoughts search for you
You loved me
This is my infinity
My dance, my passion only for you
My thoughts are filled with you
This is my infinity
this is my infinity

I was actually going to do this another day but I'll just post this now. It will give me more time to work on a few other blogs I'm working on. Hope you enjoy!

I am actually going to post 2 today so watch for my next poem. I decided to post 2 today because this one is kind of short.

1. I hate the phone. I have always hated answering or calling people on the phone.
2. I'm a major anime and manga fan. I have been a fan for almost 5 years officially. Before that I didn't know what anime was, but I watched it without even knowing it.
3. I can finish a book like Harry Potter #5 for example in 7 hours.
4. In high school I was famous for always carrying around a book with me everywhere and / or reading it.  I started reading a lot in the 10 grade.
5. I love everything that is mint flavored. I have a  never ending craving for things that are minty for some reason it just never goes away. I can't really complain though. 
6. My favorite colors are hot pink and aquamarine.  my first favorite color was forest green, and my second was baby blue.
7. I don't like being around large crowds or loud places for long amounts of time it stresses me out.
8. I am an introvert. If there is any one word that describes me very well it is this one.
9. I can count the number of people I consider to be real friends on my two hands. I take friendship very seriously and wont call just anyone my real friends.
10. I always have to have something in one of my hands, or both. I don't know where I got this from but if I don't I feel really weird. I really like playing wit things with my hands. 
11. I love to chew on stuff, I don't know why. Probably because I chewed gum a lot when I was younger. I try not to do this around other people, but I am usually chewing or sucking on something usually.
12. I'm not a very big fan of modern music, and what modern music I do love is usually European bands like Nightwish, Delain, or Kamelot, etc.My favorite genre is Power Metal.  I love oldies, and rock and roll, and classical music a lot, especially New Age.
13. I have been playing tetris since I was 3 years old and I show no signs of stopping any time soon. I love tetris a LOT. On an average basis I play Tetris at least 12 hours a week. I am not especially fast, but I am skilled at stacking the blocks without creating any holes now.
14. I love fruit a lot. I just think fruit is one of the best things life gives us and it's totally yummy.  My favorite food in general is anything Japanese though. I love Japanese food.
15. I was born deaf and blind. They fixed the problem with my ears when I was younger, and by some miracle my brain generated an alternative vision center when I was  a baby. I stil have pretty bad vision, but at least I have it now.

I guess this is all for now. I'll think of some really good ones for next time I do this.

I thought it would be fun to talk about my pet peeves today. I am not bothered by many things honestly, at least not a lot. When something does get on my nerves a lot it's usually quite unbearable. I am just going to do 4 for today. This is the kind of thing I might want to talk about later so I'm not going to put all of them down on one post.

My first one is the sound of people chewing

I don't know what it is about the sound of people chewing but it is the most annoying sound in existence to me. I have trouble staying sane whenever my family eats dinner at the table. Lucky for me we do not eat dinner at the table often because I just can't stand the sound. Because of this I am really careful about how loud I chew as well, knowing that in some cases there might be people that have the same pet peeve as me. I always chew as quiet as possible. I really don't see this peeve going away any time soon.

The questions "How was your day?" and "How was school."

These just totally get on my nerves especially if it is the only thing we talk about. I HATE it when people ask me these questions. More often than not if I have something worthwhile to say to these questions I will say it before the person can even ask me the questions. I've never been in a scenario where this kind of conversation ended up being a really good one where these two questions are concerned. I really prefer more intelligent, structured conversation. I really like to talk about pretty much everything. I am a curious person and like subjects that are a little more interesting.  Whenever I am asked these questions my main answer is usually always one word "good". I have never really had a bad school day, not really bad enough to say "bad" anyway.  The chances of me telling you i have had a bad day in general are pretty slim (unless if I am blogging), so I will always answer the same usually.  The only kind of conversation I ever ask these questions in is the kid of conversation where I have absolutely no idea what to talk to the person about but still want to really talk to them. This does not happen with very many people, just the really unfortunate ones, and trust me when I say that just asking these questions myself is more than embarrassing it makes me feel stupid as well. That is just the way I work, I do think it is kind of funny a little. 

People leaving their dogs out to walk around everywhere they want.

Some people don't seem to notice that other people really hate this. I have seen countless times where a neighbor just let their dog roam everywhere it wants to. I am terrified of stray dogs, even to the point where I have trouble just walking outside, so the fact that people do this just makes me super nervous and it really gets on my nerves a lot. Not to mention that it makes it so people don't want to let their children play outside sometimes.  People don't leave your dogs outside to just roam free PLEASE!!! The neighborhood is not a free pasture thanks.

People that look down on others

This is probably one of my worst pet peeves probably because I see everyone on an equal level with everyone else. No one is above anyone, we are all equal, we all deserve love and kindness despite our race, religion, or the amount of money we have.  It realy gets on my nerves when another person seems to think they can look down on another. We all have flaws, we all make mistakes, no one is more perfect than anyone else besides God obviously.  I think judging others is so hypocricical and pointless, everyone should have a chance to be loved, and treated equally.  There was this girl that used to live across the street from me and she always treated me like trash just because I was a little different. This person did not know anything about me really, but yet somehow she got the notion that she had the right to treat me like trash... This has never made any sense to me, in fact I stil don't know why she hated me so much.

Waking up before the alarm seems to be normal for me lately. In the past few years I have gotten a bad habit of going to sleep really late at night. I usually go to bed at around 2 or 3am on a regular basis, but I never sleep past 11am, this is my rule. On occasion I will fall asleep earlier than I meant to and end up waking up at 4:30am, or 5am. I usually just stay up if i have had more than 5 hours of sleep when this happens. I love to stay up in the middle of the night whenever I can, I think it's kind of fun. Lately I have been falling asleep earlier more and I have been waking up around 5am. I usually just stay awake when this happens. This has caused the internal clock in my body to want to wake up really early lately, so I have been a little more careful when I sleep. I don't think I will be staying up until 3am anymore, that is my feeling anyway. I really like going to bed earlier, and waking up early when it's still dark. I have always loved the night time.

Today I woke up an hour before my alarm. I am not really surprised about this. I have been waking up really early lately. In fact the day before yesterday I woke up at 5am, I did not bother trying to go back to sleep. 

I dragged myself out of bed, and got onto the computer after just lying there for a half an hour. I checked Xanga, twitter, Gmail, and some other sites I regularly visit, and then turned on Pandora and listed to music for about a half an hour while reading some blogs on Xanga. I usually start my day with Xanga it always gets me in a cheerful mood.

At a little past 9am I ate breakfast (yogurt and cheerios, both seprate of course), and then went to wash my hair. After this I went onto youtube and watched some funny videos. I also checked a few things on FB, and cleaned up my room a bit. I am pretty laid back on Sundays, I don't do much in the mornings.  After about an hour or so I did my hair and got my sunday clothes on. I decided to wear my new white shirt with the pretty sequins on it today with my white skirt. After I got dressed I just did stuff on Xanga while listening to quiet music until church.

My church starts around half past noon here. Being the total absent minded person I am I was late again today. I quickly put on my shoes, bot my bag, and walked to the nearby church. I am LDS, and I live in Utah, so they are all over the place here. The church I go to is just a half a block away from my house it's quite nice.

The wind messed up my hair so I briefly went int the church bathroom and fixed my bangs so they no longer looked like I had just come back from sky diving.

We have Relief Society first at my particular ward. If you are not familiar with some of the mormon vocabulary I suggest you look up the following phrases before you read any further.

Relief Society

Priesthood meeting

sacrament meeting

Stake

Ward

Stake Conference

Anyway, the way my ward works in my Stake is the men go to priesthood meeting the first hour, the women go to Relief Society the first hour. We have Sunday school the 2nd hour and talk about gospel related subjects both men and women combined. There are usually 2 or 3 different classes, mission prep, gospel doctrine, and sometimes Temple Prep. The Gospel doctrine class is usually held in 2 different classrooms because it's kind of popular and people come to it a lot more than the other 2 classes.  In our 3rd hour we have Sacrament Meeting. Sacrament meeting is the main meeting of our church.

Anyway, like I was saying... We meet in the church gym first when we start. We usually start with a hymn, and then tell news and announcements. We have to start in the gym because there is another ward that uses the Relief Society room before us, they get  out a little before we do, and their meetings are arranged differently. After we do announcements, and sing then we can usually move into the relief society room. We have a good news moment for anyone with good news, for some reason we did not do this today. The Bishop of our ward had news for us today. It turns out that all the single adults in our city are forming a single Stake of our own. We are going to be meeting in a new building, at 9:30am now and our meeting schedule is going to be reversed.  I was kind of worried, but now i'm really excited, our ward will get bigger now. We had a lesson after this. Today's lesson was about the importance of visiting teaching. Visiting teaching is where a member or 2 from your ward comes and visits you and they often teach lessons out of one of the church magazines (usually the Ensign from my experience). After the lesson we usually hear a few remarks from one of the Bishop Brick members, after this we either sing another hymn, or go straight to the closing prayer. 

After this the 2nd hour starts. I go to the Gospel Doctrine class. We have a gospel Doctrine class in our Relief Society room so most of us just stay, some go to the other rooms for other classes though. The men join us at this point, and then we start. We usually just go to another lesson from here. Today's lesson was about the priesthood keys. I was a little bit distracted by Darik and Dylan 2 tows behind me I must admit, part of this was because Amber (one of my friends) kept on drawing attention to them ha ha.  I heard most of the lesson despite this anyway.  Anyway, after we have the lesson we usually have another closing prayer and then head off to Sacrament Meeting after this for our 3rd hour. Usually lessons in the 2nd hour are very interactive and a lot of questions are asked and answered, it makes it a lot of fun sometimes. More often than not actually. Sometimes people share various life experiences as well this can make it even more interesting.

Anyway the 3rd hour is Sacrament Meeting like I was saying. I talked to Darik a bit in between while we were going into the chapel. I just kind of walked around the chapel for a minute trying to figure out where I was going to sit. I saw where Darik and Dylan were sitting and decided to sit by them. Apparently Amber also caught onto this. I was sitting next to her, but then I realized that no one was sitting by Darik (besides Dylan), and so I moved next to him on the other side.

Sacrament meeting starts with one of the bishop brick members welcoming everyone, then we might take care of some little announcments and ward business. We usually sing a hymn after this, then we have a prayer after and then another hymn.  We then have the Sacrament after this. I will put a video explaining this part of the church service below somewhere, because I feel like it can explain it better. Anyway, after the sacrament we usually have a few talks, and sometimes musical numbers. When the talks are concluded we sing another hymn, and then say a closing prayer and that is the end.

I am really glad I sat with Darik today, I have always liked sitting with him whenever I can.  After church him and Dylan gave me a ride home. I got on Xanga again and checked to see what new stuff was out. I have been just listening to music, and reading ever since I got home.

My home teachers did come while I was typing this actually.  Home teachers are a little different than visiting teachers. Visiting teachers are usually people from the relief society, and to the best of my knowledge only the women in the ward get visiting teachers. Home teachers are usually guys (i'm pretty sure), they give a lesson, and sometimes we talk about casual stuff. Today I met my new home teachers (actually they just left only 10 minutes ago). We just got acquainted, I told them a lot about my family and some funny stories.

They brought me brownies too.

Anyway, if anything else happens I'll update this.