August 8, 2011

  • You Are (poem)

    first off, if you didn't get to read yesterday's post here it is HERE

    Anyway, so yesterday at about 1:30am I was inspired again. It happens at the most random times! ha ha. pleased

    I hope you guys like it. I will do the audio version later. .

     

    You are like the sunrise after the night

    You are like a candle in the darkness

    You are like the stars that light up the night sky

    You are like the rainbow after the rain

     

    You are the spring after the winter

    You are the laughter after the tears

    You are the dream that cures my nightmares

    You are the heat when I am cold

     

    You are my wings when I am falling

    You are my charm when I am cursed

    You are my air when I am drowning

    You are my first thought when I'm waking

     

    You are a diamond that sparkles

    You are a prince from a story book

    You are a reason why my heart beats loud

    You are a silver song that echoes through the walls

  • Mode of Transportation

    I have been looking for alternative modes of transportation. I am legally blind so I can't drive. For the past hour or so I have been looking at scooters, bikes, Rollerblades, etc. The one thing I notice almost right away is everything is EXPENSIVE! Every time I find something I like I always find it's at least $100 or more.  I was thinking of getting a Razor Scooter as well, but the thing is I exceed the weight capacity (at least for now), so that is out of the question. I even looked at the electric Razor scooters and they take even less weight capacity. Transportation is one of the bigger obstacles I have to face in my journey for true independence. I really want to become more independent / self sufficient. Right now I feel like I am too dependant on my parents and that is not a good feeling. Sometimes I feel like they do everything for me. Sometimes I feel like they doubt me a little too much, and sometimes I don't feel like they are motivating enough. I constantly hear then doubt me when I suggest stuff I want to do. I've pretty much realized that I can't keep listening to them all the time, I have to find out for myself what I can and can't do. I guess this is the first step. I have a long way to go in my journey, but I know I will make it someday. I sometimes with that they had been a little more diligent when it comes to teaching me how to take care of myself.  I don't know how, or how long it will take, but someday I will be able to manage on my own. I have seen people with worse disabilities do so.

    Sometimes I have a problem with taking the opinions and doubts of other people too seriously, this has been a real road block. This roadblock is something I need to break down completely. I think I will have an easier time gaining motivation and confidence if I do this. I have to make mistakes sometimes.

    Sundays aren't really that busy for me ever. I washed my hair yesterday night so I wouldn't have to wake up at 7am to do it. My church starts at 9:30, so I have to wake up early.  My church building is about 15 minutes away, I usually get a ride with another person because I can't drive as you know. Sometimes I fail to get a ride. I either forget, procrastinate, or my ride cancels at the last minute, or doesn't see my text. Today I did not get a ride, I think it was because the people did not see my texts. I hate calling people, I usually avoid that, and it usually works. Sometimes however it doesn't work. I think I might need to try a little harder, get more contacts on my phone, more people that are in my ward. So far since we changed church buildings in March or April I have been pretty good about getting to church. I have only been without a ride 5 or 6 times.

    We used to use the church building that is a block away, but they wanted all the single young adults to be together. They organized us into steaks and wards (I am LDS), and so now all the young single adults made up their own stakes (there are 3 stakes here where I live that are just made up of young single adults).  We changed buildings, so it became harder to me to get to church. We used to use the local church building a block away but that changed when they decided to group all the single young adults together. We had to start using the church building near the college. In the past each local stake had 1 singles ward in it, but they decided to just group all our wards into stakes. There are 10 or 15 wards in a stake I think. I think there are over 30 singles wards that are organized into 3 stakes now. That is just in my area, there are even more elsewhere. Wards usually consist of 100 or more people.  People in different areas go to different singles wards, it depends on where you live.

    Since I didn't get a ride today I just went to my family ward. Family wards are for people under age 18 or people that are married and have families. Once a person turns 18, or after they go on their mission (for the boys), people usually move to the singles ward. This ward is for young single adults. I have been going to one of these wards for almost 4 years now. Anyway, so I just went to my family ward today. It's always super weird going back to the family ward now that I have been in the singles ward for so long. I really don't like going to my family ward very much. I am usually late for my family ward when I fail to get a ride because my family ward starts a half an hour before my young single adult ward. I usually end up having to go to another wards sacrament meeting to get the sacrament a couple hours later.

    Today was fast Sunday, my church has one of those once a month where we fast for at least 2 meals. Some people choose to fast longer.  We usually have a testimony meeting in church on that day as well where anyone can just come up the the pulpit and bear their testimony.  I do that sometimes, but I haven't done it in a few months.

    Anyway, I got home about noon and watched anime for a while.  I took another nap about an hour and a half after I got home. I fell asleep listening to the 'Unofficial One Piece Podcast". It's one of my favorite podcasts.

    When I woke up it was around 4:30. My dad was making dinner, my sister in law Kayla was here with my niece who is really adorable. They were outside looking at the plants and talking about stuff. I don't remember exactly what they were talking about but I think it was stuff from our childhoods. I was out there for a while listening to them talk. My niece is only about 7 months old now I think, she is adorable. We had her sitting on the picnic table outside in our backyard. Her mom was right behind her making sure she didn't fall off / fall over.

    I told my mom about the bees in the swing set, she told me we could probably get rid of them somehow.  I'm sure my nieces would like to be able to play on the swing set again. We need to replace the swings. haha. It doesn't even have a slide right now, we nee to get a new slide as well I think.

    At some point when I was outside I went and looked at my neighbor's bunny, it is very cute. I didn't touch it or anything though, it's not used to me yet. I forgot what it's name is. I will make sure to take a picture sometime.

    We had dinner around 5 or 6 I think.  My dad made fajitas but I didn't really eat one because it had stuff in it that I can't eat on my diet. I had chicken, tomatoes, and celery for dinner. It was pretty filling as usual.  I don't like beef that much anyway anymore. Ever since I got sick a few months ago I have lost my liking for it pretty much.

    I went downstairs after I ate and resumed playing around with "Seamless Studio". It's a new program made by COLOURlovers.com. It's great for making amazing patterns. I have been playing with it all day in little amounts of time.

    My visiting teaching companion decided to make an unannounced visit and she took me visiting teaching. I had to hurry and get my shoes on and go. Visiting teaching is where we are assigned to 1 or 2 people in our church ward and we go to their house and teach them a lesson about the gospel. Today we only went to one person't house. The lesson was about the influence of women in the church, how they help keep people's spirits strong, stuff like that. We had a new person to teach this month so we introduced ourselves, told a little bit about ourselves and then gave the lesson. We usually end with a prayer and then go after that. I am usually a little un-enthusiastic about visiting teaching still. I'm not used to social situations and I don't really feel like I am connecting with my companion very well either. I connect with some people better than others. On top of this I'm bad with lessons and as you know I have motivation, and confidence issues.

    We actually met our third companion today, it's usually just 2 people that go teaching but for some reason we have 3 now. That is, there are 2 other people besides me.  Before we went into the person's house, while we were waiting for the 3rd person to arrive we just reviewed the lesson. I had no idea what it was about before she picked me up or even that we were going visiting teaching. I guess it was okay, I wish I had been a little more prepared though.

    Anyway, after I got home I started searching for alternative modes of transportation. Up until the time when I started typing this I had been doing that.

    I don't think anything else is going to happen today, but if it does I will make sure to update. I was going to mind vent today but it looks like this is long enough, so I'll just do that tomorrow ha ha.  happy

    I will also make sure to post the pattern I am making with seamless Studio onto Xanga when I finish and color it.

August 6, 2011

  • The Apple Slicer

    So a few months ago I found out the joys of using an apple slicer. It had been in one of our drawers in the kitchen for eons, and I never noticed. Before I used to slice the apples myself, and I am horrid with a knife. I'm not good at cutting out the seeds, I usually end up messing up the apple. I didn't eat apples very much because of this reason, I just hated cutting them, and I can't bite into an apple for various reasons I will talk about in another post. That is kind of a long story. Anyway, so using the apple slicer made things so much better for me. You just put it on top of the apple and push down and it slices it into 8 pieces and doesn't waste any of the good part. It cuts out the core as well. Fresh apples are a little harder to cut than older ones. One time I accidentally left one of my fingers under part of the slicer, it wasn't a sharp part, and I smashed my finger pretty bad. I usually use a pretty good amount of body weight when I do it because it slices easier, so when it went down on my finger it went down pretty hard. My finger nail felt pretty weird for a day or so. I'm just glad nothing broke. My favorite kind of apples would either be Golden Delicious, or Green apples. Sometimes the apple is lopsided when you sit it up and it becomes a little tricky to slice it right because it tends to want to fall over or slip.

    My dad and I went shopping today, It's really nice to get out sometimes. I think I spend to much time inside sometimes. I needed to go to Costco to get a few things. My dad had to get a hair cut, we drove the place after he came home after running for a few hours. It turned out that the place where he get's his hair cut moved, so he had to backtrack a little and drive back in the direction of the salon. I was dropped off at Good Earth, it's a health food store my mom works at. We figured since it was pretty close to the salon, I needed to buy something at Good Earth, and because my mom was getting off of work soon, he could just leave me at the store until he was done. So I was dropped off at Good earth, I went inside and found the Spry Gum, and the Bert's Bees Lip Balm. I looked around for a bit, but it wasn't to long before I spotted my mom. She clocked out, I bought my stuff and we decided to just walk towards where my dad was getting his hair cut. She didn't want to stay at the store any longer than she had to. Good Earth sells health food, cosmetics, supplements, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I always find it fun to look around the store and see what they have.

    So we left the store and started walking down the street to the salon. the cars were noisy, but there were so many of them it was mostly like white noise to me except for when one drove right past me. I like it when a car drives by and you get that sudden breeze that hits you, it feels nice. We walked down the street a ways, my mom was telling me about the various little businesses that were to our right as we waked. We came to an antique store and she asked me if I wanted to go into the store. I said I wasn't sure, we decided to go in though. She called my dad and told him to come to the antique store if we were still in there by the time he got done. I have been in a smaller antique store before, this one was pretty big though. the antique store had all sorts of things like old fashioned cushions, couches, lamps, four poster beds, really big shiny rings and bracelets, hand stitched scarves and stuffed animals, and a lot of other stuff as well. It was pretty interesting just walking through the store and seeing all the old fashioned stuff. I really like old fashioned stuff, it's pretty neat. We were there for about 10 or 15 minutes I think and at some point my dad did walk into the store and he found us. We left pretty soon after this. I think I would like to go back to that store sometime.

    I was starving by this time. I hadn't eaten anything for a couple of hours AND I was really thirsty as well. I was supposed to eat a few hours before we left to do all this stuff, but I fell asleep again earlier around 11 or noon and slept until 3pm. We left for the store soon after I woke up, and there wasn't really very much in the fridge I could eat before I went to the store.

    I was really glad when we got to Costco, we headed there right after we left the antique store.  On our way there we discovered that the air conditioning was on warm for some reason. We were wondering why it wasn't getting cold when we were in the car the few times before. We all thought it was pretty weird that someone had put it on that setting in the middle of the winter. Then again, someone could have bumped it on accident I suppose. We all got a good laugh out of it because we were starting to think that it was breaking or something. We didn't bother to check it, to see what setting it was on the other times we were in the car.

    Anyway so we eventually got to Costco, not to long after we left the antique store. Costco was having one of it's really busy times, there were a ton of people there today. I bought a roasted chicken, celery, Clementines, apples, and some milk. It was nice walking through the store and looking at the various things that were there. I really liked walking into the cold parts of Costco, like the refrigerated part of the store that had the milk, it felt nice. I spotted one of those beds that is also a desk, like it has a desk on bottom and then there is a bed on top above. Kind of like a bunk bed, except for there is a desk below the bed instead of another bed.  I showed it to my mom and told her it was kind of like the one I want to have some day. That would save a lot of space if I had one of those because it usually has drawers and stuff and so you can use the space in your room for other stuff.

    After looking at that I looked at the books. Every time I go to Costco I always look at the books and movies. If there is anything good I usually buy 1 or 2 things, sometimes more depending on what the movie or book is, or how much it costs. There wasn't any books I was interested in buying this time however.

    I bought my stuff after this and left the store. We went home after this.  It was really nice getting out, and I also managed to get a little exercise which is also great.

    When I ride in the car I usually don't listen to the music on the radio. I always make sure to bring my iPhone and my ear buds so I can listen to Pandora in the car. I like listening to normal radio sometimes, but most of the time it's nice to listen to Pandora in the car instead.

    I was really glad to get home. Right after I got home I ate some chicken, a Clementine, and some celery. It was pretty filling for me. Nothing much has happened since then, I've just been watching anime and reading stuff on Xanga.  I don't really expect anything else to happen tonight. As for the stuff I did earlier in the morning, it wasn't very much, just read part of a book, went on COLOURlovers, did stuff on Pandora, and played Destiny Online a little bit. happy

    I do have other stuff I want to talk about but I will save it for tomorrow. I think this is long enough.

August 5, 2011

  • Plants, Bees, and Magical Fairies!

    Sometimes I wish I was a cloud, they can go anywhere, be anything, and only have to worry about carrying too much water. I imagine that if a cloud had emotion, the grayer it got, the worse mood it would be in. If clouds had emotions I'm sure they would be really relieved to let all their rain go, it's quite a burden. But then again, maybe they would be happy, because they get to work for the earth, help keep everything alive. Clouds have a lot of responsibility, but I still think I would want to be a cloud.

    My family and my next door neighbors to the right have a joint garden. We are pretty much sharing space to plant stuff, it's become really green lately with all the new plants. We have this place in our back yard on the right as you go in, this big piece of our yard we just use for planting. Every year we grow stuff like cherry tomatoes, corn, strawberries, cabbage, and a lot of other things. We currently have new oak trees growing in our back yard, and a few really old trees that in my opinion need to be chopped down so we can plant new ones that aren't so sick. Then I can't forget out grape vine that stretches all across our back fence, it has some of the best grapes on it every year, the store bought grapes can never come close to the flavor of those grapes.  The raspberries we grow on the left side, and the roses that grow next to them are just lovely and amazing as well. My family has always loved plants, we never have had a fake plastic plant, it's just not the same. 

    Our roses are breathtaking every year. I'm not exactly sure when they will bloom again, or if they are going to bloom again but I hope they do because I really want to show you what they look like.

    Today I went outside and picked some of my neighbors strawberries and some cherry tomatoes when I was hungry, they tasted really great. I've never had strawberries straight of the plant before, at least I don't think I have. There is something relaxing about planting stuff and picking it. I'm glad my neighbors and my family are sharing a garden.  I'm starting to understand why my grandpa loved his garden so much, it is really relaxing planting, taking care of, and picking stuff from a garden. I'm not quite that good at managing a garden on my own yet, but I hope to someday. I love the feel of dirt on my hands and the plants as they brush my arms. I find gardening really stress relieving.  I think my grandpa felt the same way I do.  I love nature a lot.

    We have a birch tree in our front yard. I named it Fred when I was younger. I love that tree so much. I used to carve things into it, love notes, secrets, all sorts of things. As I got older I stopped though, because I have gained a deeper appreciation for nature as I get older. I have a special attachment to trees, especially my birch, it's like my baby. Before we trimmed it a little it used to have these branches that were 5 feet and another one that was 6 feet off the ground. I used to hang off those branches all the time. The tree was always the easiest way to get on the roof when I was younger. I quit doing that when I became older, it kind of lost it's thrill. The branches were so perfectly placed that it was great for climbing and getting onto the roof. My parents would scold my brothers whenever they got caught, me however, I never got caught.

    I remember climbing on top of the roof once and climbing all the way to the top and looking over to the other side of the yard and thinking, even though I was young, what a pretty view it was. I think I only did that once, and I'm glad I did not get caught because my mom would have probably had a heart attack. I was always super careful when I got back down, taking every step extra carefully as I went across and down.

    We got the tree trimmed about a month ago. These guys that were doing a demonstration for some kind of TV infomercial offered to trim the tree for us. The saw they used was really good, and they obviously knew what they were doing because when it was done the tree looked really great! The branches I used to hang off of, are no longer there, but it looks nicer. I don't think I will be climbing on the roof either, since those branches are gone it's harder to safely climb up and down the tree. It's kind of sad, but I guess it's for the best. It's probably good that other children can't do the same thing I did. I was pretty wise for my age, in my opinion anyway. I never did anything I wasn't sure I could do. I don't think my nieces could do some of the stuff I did when I was younger like climb on roofs. ha ha.

    Our next door neighbors went on vacation or something, I'm not sure. We have no fence in our backyard separating our yards. It's fun not having that annoying wood fence in the back yard anymore. Since they were gone today, and I'm not sure when they are going to be back I just went in the back yard and looked around a little. I mostly stayed on my side of the yard. It was cool seeing all the new plants. At some point I sat down on a swing on my old ancient swing set and just gazed around. The swing was a little too low for me so I decided to throw the swing over the top so it would wind around the top bar and become higher.

    I did that, but the thing I had forgotten about was there is a BEE HIVE in the swing set somewhere and when I threw the swing over the top where the bees reside I really pissed them off big time. I looked up after I did that and I could see a whole bunch of them flying around and I went running as fast as I could away from the swing set before they could put 2 and 2 together and attack me for disturbing the peace.

    it was at this point my nieces that were outside noticed that I was also outside. I wasn't going to play with them but they wanted to play on the neighbors trampoline, so I couldn't really refuse because I love trampolines. I haven't been on a trampoline that much since my best friend Brooke moved away a few years ago.  Me, Devin and Brook used to always hang out on a trampoline and play all sorts of games, would try to do flips, and other stuff as well. It was always fun. I had sort of forgotten how fun a trampoline was.

    My nieces and I played some pretty funny games, like raptor tag. One of us would be a raptor, or a different animal of choice, and we would say this rhyme, and once it was done the person that was the animal would chase the other people and the last one that was tagged would be it next. We did different variations of this, like one with a zombie, and one with a snake.  We also played "Crack the egg". It's basically where you hold yourself in the fetal position with your arms hugging your legs and the other people jump around and try to get you to fly apart. I remember when I did it with Brooke and Devin it got really ridiculous sometimes, we were pretty rough ha ha.  My nieces and I were pretty crazy and random on that trampoline, at one point we made up our own unique characters with powers and stuff and we pretended to attack each other with magical powers. Mine was a nature fairy with rainbow fire hair, a blue python around my neck that could turn people to ice, poison rose out of my skin, and my eyes could hypnotize. It got pretty crazy because we kept on adding on the most random abilities to our characters. At one point I had the power to make rainbow clouds that brought down golden lightning. I was thinking up the most random things ever, and so were my nieces.

    I haven't played with them like that in a while, we just let our imaginations go and it felt really good. By the time we were done our hair was sticking up in the air and we were shocking each other. Trampolines tend to do that to people, I still find it funny to this day. I still remember me and my friends making our hair stick up on purpose sometimes. It got pretty hilarious.

    Anyway, I don't think that is the last I will see of that trampoline. I'm sure I won't see the last of my nieces zombie cat, hybrid pokemon, super fairy games that are so funny, but also fun as well.  I am probably going to stay away from the bee infested swing set now while I'm at it. I'd rather not piss them off again, no sir!

    So today was pretty fun, and it hasn't rained at all, the skies have been clear, and it has been blistering hot today. I can't really complain though, I love hot weather.  Nothing much besides this has happened, I was starting to worry that nothing was going to happen today, and I wouldn't have anything to write about, but as you see I was wrong. I love the unpredictability of life, I really do.

    I can't wait until everything that is growing outside is in bloom, and I can't wait until our new trees grow, nature is so exciting, and so unpredictable sometimes. 

    I don't think anything else is going to happen this evening, but if it does, or if I think of something else I want to say I will update. happy

August 4, 2011

  • Fire Flowers

    So I just did my new theme. I've been meaning to do it for weeks now but I never got to it until just now. I was originally going to do a blue, aquamarine, and green one but I decided I wanted colors that are hot. I went on colourlovers.com to find and color my background pattern. It took me a while to find a suitable pattern for the colors I chose. Once I found the pattern I am using now I fell instantly in love with it. The pattern on my CL website is by the same name "Fire Flowers". I really hope you guys like the pattern, and the theme in general, it's been a while since I changed the look of my website. happy

    I use the patterns on that website for my blog themes all the time. Most of the time I just borrow other people's patterns, but they do have a pattern maker on the website you can use to make your own patterns. I haven't gotten the hang of it yet. My patterns always turn out dumb ha ha.

    Most of my day has been spent on Xanga today. Xanga, sleep, iPhone games, and facebook a little bit. That has pretty much been my day today. Nothing really exciting, I'm trying to figure out what my next show to watch will be. I don't want to watch the original Star Trek quite yet. I'm taking a break from Star Trek for a couple of days after finishing DS9 yesterday.

    I did read a little bit of manga today on mangafox, and mangareader.

    My parents did go hiking somewhere today, but I didn't go with them. I'm not really in good enough shape to go hiking for 6 hours yet. I hope to be able to go with them sometime though, it would be really enjoyable.

    So far as the weather goes it was one of those half rainy, half sunny days. the second half of the day was sunny, I thik the rain is going to come for another round again soon though. I seriously love thunder storms so I can't really object.

    I've been thinking up some new ideas for my blog posts. I won't spoil it for you but I think my blog hasn't been as creative as it should be lately, I think that is going to change soon. I've been really inspired a lot lately, and have gotten so many ideas.

    So many things have been going through my head, I have this constant daydream that goes through my head all the time. This daydream would make good story material. I'm thinking of making it into a Xanga only story, one just for my blog readers. I am always adding elements to this particular daydream and it's just getting more and more interesting. I suppose every story starts out like that. I can't wait to get it a little more organized so I can write it down. I've made a few people curious about it lately, I always tell them about this daydream I have running through my head constantly, like a never ending story. They always ask me what it is about, but honestly I couldn't really tell you, except for in story form. It's one of those things you can't describe in just a few words. Most of my thoughts are tied to this story that is running freely through my thoughts all the time. happy

    Anyway, so I guess that is all for today. If anything else happens I will update this.

  • Updates Are Done

    I just finished posting the entries I hadn't posted to Xanga about an hour ago. July5, 6, 9, 12, 13, 16, 18, 21, 23, and 26 are all up now. I will double check my stuff in Google docs later to make sure I didn't forget to post anything. If you ask me I think you should read July 9th's entry, it's pretty long but I worked pretty hard on it.

    Nothing much has happened today, I finished watching Star Trek Deep Space Nine though. Most of my day was spent on that, and Xanga.  It's been a pretty nice day today. Nothing else comes to mind right now so I guess this is going to be a short entry. I'm sure now that I am caught up on my entries I will become less lazy about posting. happy

    If I forgot anything I will make sure to add it tomorrow. For now I just want to relax and watch a movie or something.

    EDIT: Read "For the Dreamers", and "The Hourglass (time)". as well. July 9th's post is here in case you want a shortcut.

August 2, 2011

  • Trying Again

    So last week I decided to go on the HCG diet again. June was a bad month to try and do it and I had to wait another month before I could try again. Your body get's used to the HCG drops after about 5 weeks, or it starts to anyway. When that happens you start losing weight slower. So that is why you do it every other month. It get's pretty annoying eating pretty much the same thing every day for a month so even if I didn't have to do it this way I probably would.  I am doing my two day load, I'm on my 2nd day now. I am pretty sure nothing will come up at least for a  few weeks that will stop me from following it perfectly this time.  I am really looking forward to losing more weight. I am also starting my yoga and Palates routine again to help a little more.I am on my 2nd day of my load. Pretty much for the first two days you are on HCG you make sure you are never hungry. You can pretty much eat anything you want for the first two days. After the first two days it becomes harder though. I think I explained it in a previous post. I went to a buffet we have here, this place called "Chukarama". It's a really good place to eat. I went there for my load today. They have really good food. I had a little bit of everything. I started out with potatoes, corn, a scone, and something else that slips my mind right now.  I had ham, a roll, and some peas for my 2nd plate. After that I had a pretty big salad.  For dessert I had strawberry shortcake, and strawberry frozen yogurt. All around it was a pretty good meal. I usually don't eat that much, but when you are loading it's a good thing.

    I've been kind of neglecting my jogging, I know that isn't good. I have some motivational issues sometimes and that is pretty much the biggest thing that has stopped me from making more progress than I have made this summer. I will become good at running eventually, I just have to fix some personal issues first though. I love to run a lot it just takes a lot of effort and dedication.  I am positive that sometime soon I will be able to get into it for real. I did go jogging a little bit a couple of weeks ago but it wasn't much. I was just figuring out a good routine, how much I should run, etc. 

    I got contacted by my counselor at Vocational Rehab a couple of weeks ago, and also got sent a letter. Vocational rehab is a place where people with disabilities can go and get job counseling. I haven't seen my counselor for a while, probably in a couple of years, which I'm not supposed to do. I managed to get away with it this long somehow.  Anyway, we were informed by letter that I should probably set up and appointment with my councilor. We did that sometime last week.  What happens at vocational rehab is you basically discuss what you think you want to do for a job and your councilor can make suggestions, tell you what you should probably do and probably should not do as well. We talked about possibly finding me some kind of computer related job while I am at school working towards my degree in English. We came up with the idea that I would probably do good in some kind of technical support job, helping people solve problems, something like that. I'm pretty sure my first job will have SOMETHING to do with computers that is for sure. I'm not quite ready to start working with a lot of people, for now it's better for me to find a job where I don't have to work / interact with a lot of people. That kind of job would probably overload my brain and make me really stressed.  it was really nice seeing my councilor, even though I was skeptical at first, and I didn't really want to see him all that much it turned out okay. I'm not sure if I will see him again any time soon but we will see.  I have a feeling that in th end I'm going to end up finding my own job, I'm not sure though.

    it has been raining a lot the past couple of weeks. It seems like every other day the day either starts out cloudy, and then gets sunny half way through, or the exact opposite. I have really liked the rain though, because it has been really hot inside my room sometimes. I have been finding myself wanting to get wet a lot lately.  Yesterday when I went to Vocational Rehab, before I left it was only raining a little. Once we got to our destination however it was raining like crazy and I got my wish finally while we were running to the building, I got completely soaked. by the time we got inside, both me and my dad were both dripping wet. It felt really nice quite honestly, to me anyway.  I hope it rains like that again soon.

    So you know I have been working on the Star Trek episodes lately. I am on Deep Space Nine now, on season 6. I am almost on season 7. I have been spending a lot of time lately just watching Star Trek. I have always been a fan but never really watched the episodes as seriously as I am now. Star Trek is something I never get tired of.  It has been nice just watching it again. I was really young when it was on TV. My favorite character from TNG is Data, my favorite character from DS9 is Odo, my favorite character from Voyager is 7 of 9. I haven't watched the original series or Enterprise yet. Honestly I'm not sure I will ever watch Enterprise, it just doesn't have the same feel to it.

    Besides this stuff that has been happening, nothing much has happened the past couple of days. i should probably note that I added some of the entries I did not post to Xanga. I had them on google docs, but I didn't get them posted on Xanga, I was feeling a bit lazy. I have most of them up now but I stil have a few more July entries to add to my blog.

    I guess this is all for now. I will make sure to keep you updated more now that I have my energy back. If I forgot anything I will add it in tomorrow's entry. happy

July 26, 2011

  • For the Dreamers

    I just wrote this song a few minutes ago. I hope you guys like it. I want to hear your opinions! I was listening to Freedom Call, it is my favorite band and it just came to me. I often get inspiration when listening to music.

    EDIT: I should also add that this is by no means the final version of the lyrics, I would not spoil it like that. I'm probably going to have to change around the words a little so I can properly fit to a good piece of music.  I will make sure it is even better than it is now. :)

    © 2011 - Liahna

     

    Blessed dreams of night

    ignite my imagination, see me take flight

    the fires within me soar into the skies

    my spirit escapes me, no more confinement

    once blackened by nightmares

    the light of heaven now shines

    the iron chains that once bound me

    now loosed for all time

    my wings spread into eternity

    watch me soar into the sky

    into the starlight night

    I embrace the skies

    watch me fly, let my dreams take flight

     

    Nightmare be no more

    I hear the song of eternity

    calling my name once more

    Chains of iron bound me

    hellish nightmares confined me

    no more no more

    I will soar into eternity

    into the land of dreams

    become what I want to be

    I will soar into eternity

    into the land where there are no boundaries

    there is no return, there is no return

    I am a dreamer, this is where I belong

     

    I watch the sunrise a thousand times

    ever changing, never fading

    a glittering fantasy lies before us

    cast off the veil of lies

    there are no boundaries

    we can be what we want to be

    a glistening diamond called eternity

    waits for us, she wants to set us free

    lead us to the path of dreams

    across the rainbow, beyond the seas

    into the sun kissed clouds

    spread your wings and believe

    fly on the wind of hope

    dream on dream on

    forget your fears, forget your tears

    euphoria awaits you, just believe

     

    Nightmares are no more

    I hear the voice of eternity

    calling my name once more

    chains of iron bound me

    hellish nightmares confined me

    no more no more

    I will soar into eternity

    into the land of dreams

    become what I want to be

    I will soar into eternity

    Into the land where there are no boundaries

    there is no return, there is no return

    I am a dreamer, this is where I belong

     

    beyond the stars, beyond the desert

    across the void of mind and thought

    I see the light I see the light

    I hear her song, the sun lit song

    calling my name, I soar beyond

    cast off the chains, evolve

    hear destiny calling, have faith believe

    soar on, soar on, take flight

    take the hand of eternity

    find your endless dreams

     

    Nightmares be no more

    I hear the song of eternity

    calling my name once more

    chains of iron bound me

    hellish nightmares confined me

    now they're gone, now they're gone

    I will soar into eternity

    Into the land where there are no boundaries

    there is no return, there is no return

    I am a dreamer, this is where I belong

     

    sapphire skies alight, emerald earth below

    silver starlight, golden sunlight

    you will find something only dreamers know

    the diamond gates of eternity

    where the dreamers go

July 23, 2011

  • Searching For New Music

    Today has been all about music for me. A few days ago Pandora released the new version of their website to people that are Pandora One members / premium members. I am one of those people, I use Pandora a lot and I have been a premium member for almost 10 months now.

    I really like the new website design, it is easy to navigate and makes use of the whole page. I have been spending a lot of time on Pandora today finding new music, surfing the website, visiting people's profiles, and looking up lyrics on Google. It has been pretty fun. I like to do this every once in a while. I pick out a day every few weeks or so and I just look up music, listen to CDs I haven't heard before, and find new bands to like. It's pretty fun really. 

    I just thought I would share some of the music I like today for this post.

     

     

      

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

July 21, 2011

  • Abandoning Plans

    I had this crazy idea today, I was thinking of making a second website. I looked around on Google Search for places where you can build a website. I looked at Webbly, wix, and finally webs.com.

    I got started fairly quickly. I started early last night at midnight, actually past midnight. I worked on my home page, told a little bit about myself, and put a picture of myself on the font page. After I woke up today I began uploading pictures, organizing pages, and starting my blog on the website.

    The thing is that pretty soon I realized I would have to pay an outrageous amount of money to get more storage space for my pictures and other things. Sure, if I went premium on webs.com I would also get a domain name, and a few other little things but it wasn't really worth it as I soon realized once I compaired to Xanga.  When it came down to it, I wasn't satisfied with the fact that they had no unlimited photo uploading. That alone made it so I didn't feel like making another website anymore. I suddenly started to realize that Xanga has a lot more to offer, and it's cheaper, and easier to manage than a website from scratch.  I don't plan on going on webs.com anymore. I think, if I remember correctly, I might have tried that website before. I see I don't like it any more this time than last time.

    Anyway, so I've pretty much solidified the fact that I'm probably never going to be more satisfied with another website like I am with Xanga. I've been on here for a long time now.

July 18, 2011

  • Into Silence

    So yesterday I decided I am going to stop talking to Dylan. Today I decided to do the same for Darik since that is fair. I have been in this endless loop of drama with those two for so long it's insane. Most of the drama comes from the fact that I have a lot of regrets when it comes to my friendship with Dylan. Anyone that has seen posts like "Shattered Illusion" which was about Dylan know how I feel about him, at least a little.

    I have tried explaining how I feel about our friendship so many times to Dylan. I don't think Dylan really wants to deal with it so I decided to just leave him alone. I made the mistake of not trusting him and not being myself around him. I was pretty scared and I really liked Dylan a lot. Unlike Darik, I had classes in school with Dylan, so I became attached to him in a different way. This kind of attachment made me afraid to lose him. I was afraid if he found out my flaws he would become more distant. As I see now that happened anyway because I wasn't honest.  I should have been a little more brave when it comes to our friendship. I also see that if I had done this I could have seen if he is really a true friend, or if it would have fizzed out anyway. now I'm stuck with the fact that I will never know. I don't know him as well as I thought I did anyway. I don't think it would make much of a difference anymore if I just quit talking to him.

    the reason why I have held on to Dylan, is mainly because Darik and I have a pretty decent friendship, at least from my point of view. Darik and I get along pretty well, and while we only talk a little more than Dylan and I, I feel like I can talk to Darik about anything and be myself around him. This is the huge difference in our friendship, besides the fact I just feel more comfortable around Darik, and a little closer. The way I see it it is either try to get along with both, or just stop talking to both.

    I'm at the point where I have become really tired of trying to get attention from either of them. I don't really feel like talking to them now very much. I decided that I am just going to back off a little from both of them and give them, and myself a little space. I have been needing this for a while. I feel like sometimes I feel pressured to try and talk to them. This happens because I don't have very many opportunities to do this. I think I will be happier if I do this for a while. They are away from here working in another state anyway until September so this is the perfect time to do this.  I'm not sure how long I will stop talking to them but I will just take if one day at a time.

    I really hope things work out with this.

July 16, 2011

  • Went to HP number 7 P2 Today

    So sometime between the day before yesterday, and yesteray when we saw the movie,  I was informed that we were going to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. I usually don't bother to remember such things so I can't remember when exactly I heard this but I was pretty excited.

    We left to get in line sometime around 8:30pm. When we got there, there were a few guys in the lobby making sure the place didn't get really crowded. They weren't letting anyone that was going to the 10:30pm show make a line yet. There were already lines for the other shows and they didn't want the place to get over crowded. One of the guys told us to come back at 9:30pm. We decided to go to Deseret book and spend some time there while we were waiting.

    My dad has this bad habit of being really outspoken, even in situations where he probably shouldn't. We were walking past these two or three smokers and he so boldly went up to them and started telling them what they were doing was wrong. I wasn't about to stand there and watch him embarrass himself in front of them. There are some situations when you should just keep out of it not only for your sake but for the sake of the people that are with you as well. needless to say every minute he was there it was a terrible embarrassment for me and my sister that was with us.  I actually told him to stop talking to them a few times and actually told him he was embarrassing us (I did this from the bookstore, peeked my head out the door and shouted it his way).  I quit paying attention to him after that.  I think my sister got him away from those people. I'm not exactly sure what happened between the time I stuck my head out the door and shouted at him and the time he actually came into the book store, and personally I don't really care anymore. I'm just glad he wasn't beaten up or something. Sometimes it's just better for you to be quiet. angryshocked

    Anyway we were in there for abut 45 minutes just looking at books and talking to some people. I looked at some CTR rings that they were selling and found one I really liked, I didn't get it though. It was an LDS bookstore so they sold stuff like that.

    By the time we were done in there it was almost 9:30pm. We thought we were early, but it turns out the line started 5 or 10 minutes earlier than they said it was going to be starting so there was a pretty good line already. We still managed to get a pretty good place in line. We weren't TOO far back in line, it was actually a pretty good spot. We were in line for probably 25 or 30 minutes. I just spent my time reading the Star Trek wiki while I was waiting. I did this on my iPhone of course.

    They let us in at about 10pm. We were seated by 10:04pm, I remember this because I did a status about it on facebook.  I got some popcorn and an Icee from the lobby not to long after we found our seats. I had brought my own drinks, and a little bag of popcorn but I decided to buy my own anyway. I didn't bother to buy candy because I had my own. I had bought 2 energy bars from the health food store earlier. They taste pretty good, I love Cliff Energy bars. I got a macadamia nut white chocolate one and a mint chocolate one. They were both pretty good, and healthier than candy obviously.

    The movie started at 10:30pm. I just played on my iPhone while I waited for it to start.

    It was pretty good all around. There were a lot of places I didn't like as much as the book but that is to be expected of most people I guess. I liked the movie, but I don't think I want to see it again. I would rather read the books than watch the movies any day. I like listening to the books on audio the most. The ones that are narrated by Stephen Fry are my favorite. 

    We talked about the movie after it ended, we didn't compare much of the scenes to the book though because my dad hasn't even read the books yet and we didn't want to spoil it for him. 

    I was very tired by the time I got home. It was around 1am when we got home, some time around that.  I watched a little bit of anime before I went to bed and checked Xanga once. I went to bed after this, I fell asleep fairly quickly.

    So that was my experience going to Harry Potter. Other than that I did go to the store earlier yesterday as well. We had to buy some ore Butter Buds and something else I don't remember. We made a stop at "Sunflower" first, it's a health food store. We found one thing we were looking for, but they didn't have Butter Buds so we went to the health food store my mom works at "Good Earth". I went in and bought the butter buds and the Cliff bars that I ate at the movie later.

    Nothing much happened other than that yesterday, just my usual stuff, reading, talking to friends, etc. I might have forgotten 1 or two things but oh well.

    By the way butter buds are like powdered butter, they taste just like butter but they are healthier. My dad can't have too much fat so he uses other stuff on his home made popcorn. :)

July 13, 2011

  • Saying Goodbye Sucks

    So it's been about 2 and a half weeks since my sister and my nephew came here to visit. Today they left, it was pretty sad. I had been dreading this day for the past few weeks because my nephew is so cute and I love it when my sister comes here.

    It's been really nice having them here. My nephew is so cute, he has these bright blue eyes, and he just started walking. It's fun to watch him walk around and interact with people and toys. He takes 3 naps a day, he slept in my parent's room for the first few days because they were on Tabernacle Choir Tour. Once the got him though my sister and Jax started sleeping in my other sister's room. Sometimes my sister would being him downstairs to the place we made into a little living room. We had toys downstairs and he would walk around saying hi to everyone and was being so cute. I have gotten used to having him here so when he had to go it was really weird.  I already miss when he would talk to people, make noise, and interact withe the TV, that was really cute.

    Anyway, so today has been pretty dull for the most part. Earlier I said goodbye to my sister Jax, and Justin. We all gave each other hugs and said goodbye. I remember the defining silence that ensued in the house after they left, it was SO quiet, and a little creepy as well.

    I just went back downstairs like usual and did my thing. I have been starting to watch Star Trek again the past few days. I am currently on TNG, I'm actually saving the original series for last. It's been fun watching it again.

    Other than that I just did the usual, read, listened to music, surfed facebook, got on Destiny Online, talked to friends, etc.

    I am still typing up the entry about my ward activity, I don't know how long that is going to take me to finish. It should be up by the time I get this entry up finally though. it should be right below this one if you see it. I type all my entries in Google docs first because sometimes I don't have time to post them right then, or I feel a bit lazy.  I should really work on that bad habit of procrastinating ha ha.

    I mostly kept to myself most of the day, going upstairs only about 3 times to eat something.  It is really weird without my nephew being here.

    You haven't really missed much between the time I got home from my ward activity, and today. Just the usual has been happening, family stuff, hanging around the house, etc.  I'm really hoping to go to Harry Potter when it comes out, I hope I don't have to wait long.

    Anyway, I guess that is all for now. Knowing how lazy I feel right now I probably won't post this for a couple more weeks probably. Sorry if that really does happen. I will make sure to change the date on the entry and put it in it's proper place though. I like things to look natural like that.

  • The Hourglass (Time)

    Something I wrote for Sam.  :)

    I will tell you more about him sometime soon.

    Not sure if I'm going to read this one out loud or not since it's supposed to be the lyrics to a song and not just a poem. I'll decide later. :)

     

    Looking through the hour glass 

    frozen time when he is near

    i can see him on his white horse

    whispering sweet songs in my ear

    the never ending dawn

    reflects within my soul

    I feel like I could live forever

    when you are close to me, when you are near

     

    The sands of time shift

    Watch the Hourglass shatter

    As he comes into view

    one step at a time

    time is but an illusion

    a golden mirage

    in the shadow of loves power

     

    a lovely heart caught under ice

    ignited now by loves sweet spark

    just the light no more dark

    a frozen clock on the wall

    the golden sand on the floor

    caught within the angelic gaze

    watching as her prince steps near

    time stops no more fear.

    a blazing fire, all she can hear

     

    the sands of time shift

    watch the hourglass shatter

    as he comes into view

    one step at a time

    time is but at illusion

    a golden mirage

    in the shadow of loves power

     

    the hourglass turns

    the hourglass falls

    golden sand spilled on the floor

    footsteps echoing

    her heart beating faster

    just watch as time shatters

    see as love ignites

    there is no greater power

     

    the sands of time shift

    watch the hourglass shatter

    as he comes into view

    one step at a time

    time is just an illusion

    a golden mirage

    in the shadow of loves power

    nothing can stop it

    nothing can hold it

    time is nothing

    in the shadow of loves power

    it shines forever

July 10, 2011

  • Ward Summer Activity (long)

    I will inset the pictures later. I just want to get his typed up. :)

    So this week was pretty crazy but I finally got some time to relax. Every year my church has an annual ward activity. We do some kind of big activity and use up some of our fairly good budget.  I always look forward to our ward activity every year, it is always fun. it came at a perfect time this year too. I have had a hard time with all the crowds and stuff that I have had to endure this week so getting away was really nice for a change.

    I woke up at around 10am on Thursday morning. As usual I had trouble sleeping, it happens a lot when I am really excited about something.  I re-packed my suitcase a little neater, walked around the house and made sure I had everything. I packed everything I didn't pack the day before like my toothbrush and my towel, stuff I was using like that.  My dad made pancakes an hour after I woke up. I wanted to have a good breakfast before I left because I knew the drive would be long. I get really car sick if I have an empty stomach. I ate an apple as well and had a glass of milk. I re-checked everything and made sure I did not forget anything. I grabbed my sleeping bag and stuffed my pillow and my pink blanket in the blue bag I was carrying it in. I dragged my stuff upstairs and set it next the railing after this. My suitcase was pretty stuffed, and it was kind of heavy.

    I went back downstairs and made sure one last time I did not forget anything. I grabbed my sunglasses, and put them in my purse, then I headed upstairs.

    I left at about 10minutes before noon. Everyone is usually late so I expected to be the first one there because I was early. It's always like that when we have some kind of activity. I am usually the first one or one of the first people to be there. I checked facebook on my iPhone, and just walked around for a while outside the church building where we were meeting. It took about 5 minutes for more people to come. I was the first one there, then slowly everyone else showed up. We all moved under a pavilion that was across the parking lot after a while. The sun was pretty hot on Thursday. We sat down at the various tables and started talking to each other. I didn't talk much, if at all but I listened. I don't exactly remember what we talked about, but it was a good time passer to listen to the various conversations that were going on.

    Someone decided to pull out some nail polish to pass the time while we waited for our Bishop to arrive. I'm not going to use a name, but she told us we could use it if we wanted. Various people, probably just the girls, started painting their nails. My red and blue Nail polish I had on had chipped off and was almost gone. I used some of her nail polish remover to remove the rest. I proceeded to paint my nails a hot pinkish kind of color.

    Our bishop arrived not to long after we started doing this. We had a little devotional, talked about some gospel related stuff, it wasn’t too boring, a few people told stories. We grabbed out stuf after this and put our luggage into the trailer that had come.

    We all got into groups and chose a person to ride with. I’m a little bad with names but I think the person I was riding with was called Brandon. I was with 2 other people besides him.
    The car ride was about a little over 2 hours long. On the way we stopped at the convenience store and I bought some treats for the people I was going to be sleeping with. The girls and boys are naturally separated.  I got some Pringles, some Starburst, almond Joy’s, Chex mix and some Reeses Peanut butter cups.  We also got some gas and then we went on our way and started driving again.

    Like I said before it took about 2 hours to get there. We were the last ones to get there. We were all a little worried that we wouldn’t be able to get a good bed in the apartment, just us girls that were in the car. The boys had their own place to sleep at the main house.  

    I went to check if there was any beds left in the apartment. I remember I was feeling really glad that I had brought my sleeping bag just in case something like this happened. As it turns out they had not even opened the upstairs apartment in the barn yet so no one had picked beds at all.  I just walked around for a bit and waited for the bishop to come with the keys to open the apartment. We all went upstairs and I ended up getting the bed I wanted because I was one of the first ones to enter the apartment.  I set my trats and my purse down on the bed to mark my territory and then went back outside.  I went to check if the trailer had come yet, it hadn't come yet so I just went back upstairs to the apartment.  I just walked around for a bit and ate some of my treats. I went back and forth from outside and the upstairs a few times seeing if the trailer was there yet. I mainly hung around with some other people that were in the apartment for about a half an hour or so, and just watched people get acquainted with their room buddies and unpack.

    After a while the trailer finally got there and I got my stuff and brought it to the room where I was sleeping. I put my sleeping bag down on my bed and pulled out my pillow and blanket. I only brought one little blanket because it gets really hot at night. I usually never end up having to use the blankets they have. I usually bring a sleeping bag for extra comfort. I usually just sleep on top of it.  After I got my stuff set up I just lied down on my bed and listened to music for a while on my iPhone. I made sure to bring my good headphones. I dozed off for a little bit and was woken up my one of the people that came. We had a quick devotional, I don’t remember what was talked about but it was some gospel related stuff.  After this people were playing volley ball and just hanging around. Some people were playing foursquare as well, and others were playing basketball I think as well. Not so sure if I am remembering that one correctly.

    I’m a little blurry on what happened between the time we got there and dinner time. I remember at some point I went back upstairs and started listening to music and was daydreaming and I fell asleep again. I was woken up again by someone telling me it was time for dinner.  We had Hawaiian haystacks for dinner, watermelon, and salad. Someone brought pink lemonade as well, I have always loved pink lemonade.

    We started the water activities sometime before sunset, after dinner we all got into our bathing suits and went back outside. We had a slip slide going down a hill and we inflated a pretty big pool and put it at the top of the hill. We filled the pool with water using the hose we were using to make the slip slide slippery. We filled some big containers with water and soap to use for the slip slide instead. It took a while for the pool to fill up just using the hose and it was REALLY cold as well. It was funny watching people go down the slide, I didn't go down though because I didn't think it was hot enough at the time of day it was to be drenched in freezing cold hose water. I lost the feeling in my feet just putting them into the pool, I did not want to become an ice cube.

    It had been pretty cloudy the day we got there all day, but it never rained. We did hit some rain on our drive there but it never actually rained while we were there. After the water activities we got dressed, some of us took showers, I wasn’t one of them though because technicly I only got my feet wet. I would have gotten wet if it had been a little hotter. I had taken a shower earlier in the morning anyway, I didn’t feel like I needed to again. I had also dyed my hair a few days earlier as you know and I didn’t want to make it fade.  

    We had another devotional about an hour later, the sun had set by then. We brought our chairs around to the hill where we had the water activities and we listened to various leaders of the ward tell some life stories and some more gospel related stories, mostly about the temple that was near by.  It was starting to get a little chilly by this time, I decided to go and grab my jacket. It get’s a little chilly at night where my bishop’s in laws live sometimes, even in the summer.  It wasn't really cold but it was chilly enough to make me fill uncomfortable.  I came back with my jacket and just stood there at the top of the hill. I didn't feel like sitting down very much.

    After the devotional we all started doing out own thing pretty much. We built a fire in this little fire pit someone brought. There was a lot of space, a lot of concrete and nothing was near that could catch fire. A while before this, sometime during the earlier part of the day a few people had gone to the store and bought a few things for the activity, one of these was a large amount of candy. They bought fruity candy, chocolate candy, stuff for smores, etc. It was pretty amazing seeing all that stuff there in a pile on the ground. We moved all the stuff onto a table and we made smores over the fire and sang songs. Various conversations started and some of the people were playing Volley ball again like they were earlier in the day. There was pretty good lighting where we were so even though it was night, about 9pm we could see pretty well.  

    I went off on my own and found a chair. The sky was clouded over completely, I could see lightning off in the far distance it was really pretty. I could also hear thunder as well. The night air smelled heavenly and there was a perfect breeze. I just sat there in that chair daydreaming and thinking about various people I care about, watching the storm off in the distance and just enjoying myself all around. I wanted to be alone at that time, it was too peaceful at the place where I was sitting for me to leave. Everyone else was off at a place in the yard where I couldn't hardly hear them at all. The yard was pretty big.  

    I just sat there for a while and went off in my own world. Sometime in the course of this time I went inside quickly and grabbed my ear buds, and iPhone and went back outside. I turned on Pandora Radio on the New Age Mix station and listened to pretty music while I was watching the lightning storm off in the far distance.  It as a wonderful night.

    I did eventually join the others in marshmallow roasting. I also tried roasting starburst as well. i don’t know if anyone anywhere else does this, it’s kind of a tradition here though. I didn't talk, I just mainly listened to everyone. Part of the time I was just daydreaming and thinking of new stuff to write.  I made this really large smoore it was pretty thick, i did it kind of as a joke, everyone thought it was great though and they thought it looked awesome.  that smoore was so filling I had trouble finishing it. I’m sure part of that had to do with the fact I’m not to fond of marshmallows in large quantities as well.  

    Things started to quiet down around 11pm, we started cleaning things up, putting out the fire and getting ready for bed. Some people stayed outside,  like the people in the tents (I forgot to mention that some people chose to sleep out in tents because it was so pretty outside),  and a few others. They were chatting for a while. I don’t now what they were doing besides that  though.  Some of us went outside a few more times just for the heck of it. I wanted to be along for a little bit longer so i started watching the storm off in the distance again.  We usually do stargazing, but the sky was clouded over. What I was doing was just as fun in my opinion though.  I went inside after a while and read for a while. Various people were getting ready for bed, and talking. I didn't say much as usual, I just listened a little and ate candy. i was pretty worn out when I finally went to sleep. That was the first day of the trip.

    It had been pretty hot in the room all night but we had the fan on and 1 or 2 of the windows open so there was a breeze as well. I didn’t realy use my blanket at all, I was pretty sure this would happen.  I picked out a new shirt and put on some capris. No one was awake yet so I just uploaded a few pictures as a teaser to facebook. The connection wasn’t very fast where we were, that is pretty much the only reason why I did not upload more photos, because it took a long time.  I woke up about 20 or 30 minutes before everyone else. I listened to music and thought about certain people and various things that have been happening lately.

    I got up, brushed my hair and cleaned my face before I went outside. I could tell most of the people were either still asleep and / or were just inside doing other things.  I remember regretting I did not wake up earlier when I went outside because I would have liked to watch the sunrise. Nothing much happened for a while, we all prepared for breakfast and waited for it to be done. We had blueberry pancakes, sausage, eggs, muffins, and fruit for breakfast it was great.  I wasn't especially hungry but I had a little bit of everything.  I felt tired still, I only slept probably 5 hours the night before. Being my usual self, I did not talk much, or at all of course. I did sit with people this time, unlike the day before. I just mostly wandered for the most part the day before while eating at the same time.  I was really full by the time I finished eating.

    I should probably also mention the neighbor's Golden Retriever that came to visit us, he likes to be around us every year. Some of us like him and some of us don't. he always sniffs everyone's food and we usually tell him to go away because he also smells ha ha. He just shows up at random. At one point n the trip we tied him to a post I think.

    Everyone went their seperate ways once again and started playing games and socializing. I just observed as usual, I just find this more enjoyable. I feel like I get more out of what it happening when I watch than when I participate most of the time.

    I did go back inside after a while and started listening to music again. I was still pretty tired as I said above and I wanted to sleep a little more. It didn't take me long to go out like a light.  I remember people attempting to wake me up for the morning devotional, I kind of woke up but I was so drowsy that I fell asleep again. They gave up after the 3rd of 4th try.  I wasn't awake enough to be able to think clearly, all I could think of at the time is how much I wanted more sleep. I kind of regret skipping the devotional, we learn pretty interesting stuff sometimes. I slept through the whole devotional without knowing it. I was finally woken up by another person that was one of my room mates. We were heading to our next activity. I was conscious enough of the fact that I needed to wake up this time that I was able to drag myself out. I was still pretty much not completely awake for a little while longer. I tend to get a little cranky when I am in this state, the semi-long walk to the pioneer park did me a lot of good and woke me up completely. The walk was very pretty and it gave me time to straighten out my head.

    I wasn't sure if I would need my wallet or not so I brought it just in case. I also brought some chex mix with me as well just in case I got hungry, even though I knew this would probably not happen. I like to be prepared when I go out somewhere.  

    When we got there everyone was walking into the visitor’s center so we could learn what we were doing.  The place we went to was “Pioneer Heritage Park”. I think I am remembering right, and it was within walking distance from my bishop’s in laws house.  The scenery was very pretty, lots of trees and plants were everywhere.  When we went inside we looked around for a little bit, then they told us we were going to have 2 sets of 4 different activities, we would rotate activities every few minutes (I think it was 10 but I’m not sure).   

    We broke off into groups determined by date of birth. Some people had to come into other groups because they did not have as many people. In the end all of us had 9 people in our group. We had to take some people from one of the other groups though because we did not have enough people.  They told us where to go after this, we all started leaving the building and went outside to get further instructions.

    One of the park rangers told us a little bit about the pioneers and about the park’s history for a few minutes. He told us more about the activities we were going to be doing. The activities we were going to be doing were little examples of what the pioneers had to deal with while they were traveling.  These activities were also designed to build confidence as well.  After he explained a little bit more we went on our way and found the path that would get us to our various activities. Different groups went different ways.

    The first challenge / activity we did was all 9 of us had to fit on 1 2 and a half foot board. The idea was that we were pretending like there was a really bad fire and the board was the only safe spot that we could go on. We all had to get on the board somehow and stay on for as long as we possibly could. My group stayed on 3 seconds the first time, and 5 seconds the second round. I think we did a 3rd round but we also did a few practice rounds so I’m not sure.  We all grabbed each others arms and tried to pull each other on at the same time.  It was as tricky as it might sound.  I thought this was a lot of fun.

    After we rotated and another group came to we were we went to another activity called “river crossing”. The idea of this one was to simulate crossing rivers with just 6 or 7 stones. We didn't actually cross water but we couldn't touch the ground.  we had to make sure none of the stones were un-ocupied once we stepped on them. If a stone was un occupied after someone stepped on it then that stone would be lost and it would become harder to cross. I’m not sure how we managed to do it but we all helped each other and it worked. It was tricky picking up the last stone before we stepped off of it after everyone was starting to cross. The person at the end made sure that the stone was not lost and they picked it up. We all helped each other, it was pretty fun.

    The next one was one where we had to simulate taking a bucket of flu infected rags and moving them to another location. This was not real of course but we weren't allowed to touch the bucket with out bare hands or drop it or one of us would be out or we would have to start over.  We had a series of ropes, I think it was 8 ropes, they were attached to some kind of stretchy thing in the middle. We all got in a circle and pulled the ropes away from the elastic so it would stretch and become bigger. We then carefully fit the elastic over the bucket and walked towards it a little so the elastic would shrink and would get a good hold of the bucket.  we had to be careful that we stayed on balance and didn't tip the bucket too much or accidentally make it drop. We were trying to get the bucket over to a fire pit, the idea was to simulate dropping the bucket into the flames (that weren't really there), without spilling the water, or the rags,  or letting the bucket touch the ground like I said before.  We managed to do it, though we nearly tipped over the bucket while we were stretching out the elastic again, it was pretty close.

    We finished this a little early so we played swedish twister while we were waiting, or rather everyone else did in my group I just watched because I thought it was funny. I don’t exactly get what they were doing or now it worked but they managed to make it work without the colors or the mat. It is a little hard to explain.

    We rotated to another station, another challenge about 5 minutes after this. Our next challenge was untying 9 different knots from a rope without removing both our hands. We always had to have 1 hand on the rope. This made it difficult as you can imagine. We had to make the loop of the knot big enough that we could slip through it and we had to do this without letting go with our one hand. We managed to get 7 knots untied before the next rotation started.  It was pretty interesting.

    It was half way through the activity at this point and the sun had come out, the clouds had also disappeared a little bit so it got a little hotter. I was really glad to be in a mostly tree populated area.

    At our next rotation we played some kind of game with sticks and cans. I’m not exactly sure what it was called, the name seems to have escaped my memory.  I think I lost my sunglasses at this one, because I haven’t seen them ever since.  

    Anyway,  our next one was more on the fictional side, I think they made it that way so it would be more interesting. The story was that we went through some kind of portal and a giant bear started chasing us once we got so far in. we all had to go through this ring as fast as we could without touching it. the portal would close if we touched the ring when we went through it. The ring was small enough for us to have to help each other to get through. One of us managed to get through on our own first, and another one got through on his own last, but other than that we had to help each other get through the hoop without touching it. It was tricky the first couple of times but we got it eventually in the end.  

    At our 7th rotation there was a bunch of L shaped pieces of wood in a pile. We had to each grab one of these L shaped pieces of wood and get in a line. We tilted them upward so they made a V shape. The idea was to simulate getting a stream of water to an area where there were crops or something like that. We used a golf ball to simulate the water, it was easier to start over that way if we needed to.  We sent the ball rolling down the boards one at a time. each time the ball got past the person that was at the back of the line where it started that person ran to the front of the line and made sure the ball wouldn't fall.  We had to get to a certain place without the ball falling or we would have to start over. We got it the first time. We did it a few more times, sometimes we did it to fast and sometimes the people didn't make it to the front of the line in time. It was pretty tricky.

    The last activity I am going to mention we actually did in the first half, I couldn't remember what it was when I was typing the others so I decided to save it for last. I just remembered what it was.

    This last activity we actually did in the first half as I said before.  There were two long boards and they each had ropes attached to parts of them that made it so people could put one foot under each rope and pull the board up. We all had to work together and move in sync very carefully or we would mess up. I think we were simulating squishing crickets in a field of crops,  or something like that. We had to get across this bridge once, get to a certain place or something similar to this. I actually didn't do this activity because I wanted to take video. I’m not sure if I am going to get that up or not. Anyway, we added an extra element to the game on the way back.  The idea was that the field of crops had started to catch fire and we had to get back to where we started as fast as we could. We did pretty good on our way back. One or two of us almost fell off but we made it before the rotation ended.

    Anyway, that is pretty much all the activities we did at Pioneer Heritage Park. Almost two hours passed and we went back to the visitor’s center for a few minutes to get drinks or do other stuff we needed to do really quick. We walked back to my Bishop’s in laws house after this.  

    I got most of my bug bites while I was at the activity, at the time they did not itch that much. We were all joking about our big bites and how many some of us had it was pretty funny.

    We got ready for lunch not long after we got back. We had sub sandwiches for lunch, it’s something I look forward to every year when we do this activity because they are always amazing.  We each grabbed a little bag of chips, and a drink and went and found a place to eat.  I was eating standing up at first like I usually do when I eat outside but I walked over to a tree that was un-occupied over near the apartment / barn.  I sat down and started eating my food and not long after I started eating people walked over and sat with me in the shade. It was still pretty cloudy, but the sun was shining at this point. It was pretty hot so we were all pretty eager to get in the shade.  

    I just kind of hung around listening to people talk after I finished eating. At one point I grabbed an extra bag of chips and just sat back down and started daydreaming.  

    After lunch some of us got out bathing suits on. We were going to do swimming activities again right after lunch but we were told we were going to do Ice Cream first.  I got my bathing suit on and went outside for the ice cream. We had a competition to decide which Universities ice cream was better BYU or Utah State.  We weren't told which ice cream was from where, we were given a sample of each and voted. BYU won, I have to admit I like the Utah Aggie’s blue mint the best.  I had the blue mint and I also had lemon custard ice cream, I forgot which school made that one. It was pretty good ice cream from both sides.

    After we ate ice cream we resumed the swimming activities we were doing yesterday. the pool was still out and so was the slip slide. The pool was no longer freezing cold it actually felt good. I stayed in there for about 15 minutes or so. I didn't do the slip slide like the other people, I wasn't really in the mood.  We did the water activities for about 30 or 45 minutes then they told us to go and get dressed so we could go to a play.

    We all got ready and got out stuff together. We found the people we rode with when we drove up to my bishop’s in laws house and got in our cars.

    It took us about 2 hours to get to the place where the play was. I didn't talk much as usual, just listened to the other people talking kind of, and I listened to the music that was playing in the car. I think if I remember correctly Metalica was playing in the car. The scenery was really pretty on our way to the play as well, I really enjoyed it, I think I might have been the only one that was really paying attention to it though.  The drive was pretty nice, it wasn't boring and it didn't feel like I was in the car forever. I usually have trouble with long drives, that one was okay though.

    There was a light rain when we got to the play house. It hadn't been raining at my bishop’s in laws house, I can’t really say I was expecting it to rain at the play house.  The play house was like a mini theatre, it wasn't very big. The play house is privately owned it is managed by 1 family, I forgot their names.  We waited outside for a few minutes waiting for our time to come in, we talked for a while and some of us took pictures. Unfortunately I did not take pictures at the play house, my camera battery was getting low and I did not bring my re-charger because my sister was using it back home. I wish I had taken a few pictures honestly.  The play house was pretty old fashioned, it wasn't very fancy but it did it’s job pretty well. Outside there were posters on the walls advertising the plays they did. I think they make up their own plays if I remember correctly.

    They let us in about 15 or 20 minutes after we got there. We walked right in and sat down in our reserved seats. They had reserved seats for our ward near the front.  I was near to the left side of the room. The whole place is pretty much made of wood, it is meant to look old fashioned but still look pretty nice. The seats were comfortable, they had padding. They were kind of like the seats you find in school auditoriums.  

    I was thinking about getting a drink and some popcorn but I decided to wait until the intermission to get it. I felt really tired from all the sugar I had been eating.  The stage was decorated with all sorts of posters and other things that had to do with the show. I just sat there and waited for it to start.  The show was called “Who Shot Juanito Bandito”.  The play is about a really skilled bank robber named Juanito.  

    (I'm going to try and explain this as best as I know how.)

    This old guy came from back stage dressed in old fashioned clothes and started playing the piano. I don’t know the name of the song but if you heard it i’m sure a lot of you would have recognized it.  He was playing the music the whole time the play was going on that old fashioned sounding piano.  Before the play started the audience was given some instructions. They told us a little bit about the characters, and told us how to react every time we saw a certain character. Every time a certain character came onto the stage the guy playing the piano would make an appropriate sound effect for that character and we would make our appropriate sound effect as well.  

    There was a sheriff, the bandit, a really arrogant deputy from another town, and a pretty bank clerk. These were the main characters from the story.  

    The show was pretty hilarious. The show started off with the bandit Juanito announcing that he had robbed every bank in the USA except for 1 of them that he was going to do soon. The whole play kind of revolves around this little detail. A really arrogant marshal comes into town with one of the bank clerks that work at the bank that is supposed to be robbed.(I thought he was a deputy but now I remember he wasn’t). The bank clerk being a woman, and the marshal being a man you can guess he tries to hit on her the whole time.  So after we meet those 3 people we meet the sheriff, he is supposedly the hero of the story.  He  is introduced and we kind of learn more about his roll, the basics of his character.  Him and the arrogant marshal meet and they kind of start making a plan to stop the bandit. Then it switches to Juanito the bandit and his sidekicks plotting the whole thing, a musical number ensues not to long after this scene starts. The play was a musical after all.

    Anyway, somehow the sheriff ends of meeting the pretty bank clerk and they fall instantly in love. The Marshall being instantly jealous because scenes before she rejected him, starts plotting ways to break them up. So in the midst of the chaos of trying to stop the bandit from robbing this last bank and making history, this stuff is going on.  The Marshall plans on having the bandit Juanito assassinate the sheriff before the wedding can happen. He is so arrogant he thinks that the bank clerk will jump into his arms after he is dead.  I should probably also mention that the bandit has some kind of dirt on the sheriff but we don’t find out what it is until later.

    The Marshall soon teams up with the bandit to assassinate the sheriff, and meanwhile the sheriff and the bank clerk are planning on getting married. The bank clerk being an obvious dominatrix starts listing off the stuff she wants from this marriage and she never allows him to object or she gets angry at him. All this time the scene is going on you can pick up the strong air of the fact that he is having second thoughts even though he loves her. He never backs out of the marriage  but we could all tell that he was having second thoughts.

    The sheriff and the bank clerk not knowing what the arrogant Marshall is planning keep going on with the planning of the wedding. They think he is still on their side.  Meanwhile juanito is having a slight change of heart and is contemplating not assassinating the couple because he sees they are really in love. You kind of get deceived into thinking that he is going to change his ways for a scene or two but he hasn't.

    Somehow in the end they all end up coming together at the wedding. Juanito disguises himself as the priest, the marshal is off somewhere in the background hiding,  and the bride and groom are there as well. The bandit exposes himself as he truly is and things get a little tense. the marshal tries to force himself on the bank clerk and tries to take her away thinking he is the only one that deserves her. Then, the bandit tells the bank clerk the dirt on the sheriff, that he used to lead a life of crime and was i jain once or twice. The bank clerk tells them she already knew about that stuff. Juanito decides to not shoot the sheriff, the marshal is exposed for the fraud he is when the sheriff stands up to him and get’s his woman back. Turns out he was a coward who had no skill.  Oh, and somehow in the middle of the chaos the sheriff duels the bandit who supposedly has the fastest guns in the country. This is how he gets caught (the Marshall). The marshal is put in the stocks, the sheriff and the bank clerk get married, and I don’t even remember what happens to the bandit, I suppose he got away. The play was all around awesome.

    I did end up getting popcorn and a drink half way through the play. They had an intermission half way through it.

    I’m pretty aware my description of the play is pretty bad, if you can find information on the play I suggest you look it up and see what it is like and read about it for yourself. I’m not very good at explaining these types of things very well yet.  

    The play was very entertaining, and there was jokes throughout the whole thing. There were a bunch of places where people missed their que apparently, but you couldn’t even tell it happened because they were so great at improvising.  At the beginning as a joke they had the guy who played Juanito come out and complain about the title. As you can see from my description, he never actually does get shot (he shoots his sidekicks a few times though, that was funny).

    Anyway we left the play house after it ended. We took pictures with some of the cast, and headed to “Juanito’s Grill”. I think that is what it was called. We had bought meal tickets to the grill and we waked right next door from the play house and waited for a person to get us a place to sit.  We had to split up into 2 groups and get in line separately because they weren't ready for all of us at once.  I was in the second group, we got drinks and waited upstairs at a table. The place was mostly kind of out doors, there was 2 floors, the second floor was kind of like a pavilion, and it had a set of stairs on either side that people could go up and down. The downstairs was pretty open, there were only two walls, and obviously a ceiling. There was a kitchen (which obviously was not in the out doors) and a table where they set out the food, and tables all around. Apparently the place wasn't busy most of the time, we made it a lot busier.

    We got in line pretty soon and got our food. Most of us went upstairs and sat at one of the tables at the pavilion like place and ate there.  We had salad, BBQ chicken, potatoes, beans, and our drink it was pretty great food.  I really enjoyed the whole experience.

    We took a group picture before we left, then we got in our cars.

    I just listened to Pandora radio the whole drive back and was thinking up new stuff to write.  By the time we got back it was around 8 or 9, probably past 9 because the sun was already down and it was getting dark.  We had another devotional after we got back and then we all did our own thing for the rest of the night. We were all up past midnight roasting marshmallows, telling stories, singing songs, playing games, etc. I actually spent more time with other people the last night and even brought out my extra glow sticks. I still had about 25 of them. The night was pretty fun and I got a good amount of pictures as well.

    We got to bed around near 1am I think. We were talking for a while in the room, I didn't feel like sleeping but I fell asleep anyway. It was a pretty fun day, I really enjoyed it a lot.

    In the morning I was the first one up in the apartment, I got to packing right after I woke up. I got dressed and put the rest of my clothes back in the suitcase. I rolled up my sleeping bag and put it in it’s bag with my pink blanket and pillow.  I didn't finish packing right away, I just got most of my stuff put away, not everything though. I decided to take my time and listen to music for a while before breakfast. It wasn't to long before everyone was up and the apartment was abuzz with people walking around and packing.  

    We had breakfast about an hour later. I think it was cereal, muffins and fruit. I wasn't especially hungry but I was glad they had cinnamon toast crunch. I think I should probably add that I might have mixed up Fridays breakfast and Saturday’s breakfast, I’m not sure.

    Anyway we all just sat around and ate breakfast and chatted for a while.  Nothing much happened for a while.

    After breakfast we began to do our service project. It’s something we do for the family every year we go there. We clean up their yard, weed, take care of the plants, just clean in general. It helps them a lot. I just helped clean the apartment a little and then went around and took video and pictures.  After we did the service project we all finished packing. I told someone else to take the left over candy that I had bought 2 days earlier, because I had not desire to eat it anymore. One of my room mates happily took it.  We finished up cleaning the inside of the apartment, I took my luggage outside and just hung out there the rest of the time. We had lunch sometime after all this stuff happened,  but I don’t remember what it was.

    I was just standing an walking around for a while, it was pretty hot, I listened to more music on my iPhone while I was waiting for people to get done so I could go home. Some people started going to the temple, I think my original ride was one of those people because he was nowhere to be seen so far as I could tell. I arranged a different ride not to long after I realized this.  We left not to long after I got the new ride, I put my stuff in the trailer and got in the car and we left after this. I was really sad to go.  I’m not sure if I am going to see that place again, I sure hope I do though.  

    Nothing much happened on the drive back, besides me going to the convenience store once and getting an Icee, it was cherry flavored.

    The trailer hadn't gotten back home yet so my luggage was not there yet when I got home. I watched anime for a half an hour and then went and got it.  Knowing me I’m going to be lazy unpacking it.

    Nothing that interesting happened after this, I just hung around with my family, watched movies, and played with my nephew.

July 6, 2011

  • Getting Ready

    (July 23rd) I forgot to post this the day I wrote it soo sorry! I typed this one up in google docs because I had to wait to post. I forgot about it. Can you say Do'h?! I will post it as a July 6th entry since that is when I was supposed to post it.

     

    Feeling anxious today, this week has been kind of tough on me as you have probably guessed. My birthday was pretty fun, but I've been around too many crowds this week. I also never eat a large amount of sugar, I am guessing that is part of the reason why I feel so wiped out this week. Crowds plus sugar make me VERY tired.

    I am really looking forward to going to my bishop's in laws place for our church activity. I have been the last two years and I always have fun. It's so relaxing up there out in the open. They live on farm land so it's in the middle of nowhere, lots of space and has a beautiful view. I am very anxious to go there tomorrow I need the relaxing environment. I will be with lots of people in my ward from my church, it will be nice to spend some time with them, I usually don't really hang out with people or go places. I really need to change that and learn how to use the bus.

    Anyway so I went to the store today and bought some sunscreen. I have been slowly packing all day. All I need is one suitcase, but I prefer to take my time packing because I find myself taking stuff out again every now and then sometimes throughout the day. Some stuff I don't pack until the day I leave somewhere usually. Stuff like my toothbrush, deodorant, and a few other things. I don't like opening my suitcase over and over again just to use something I already packed. 

    I forgot to get a  beach towel as well. I don't know if I will even end up needing it but I usually bring one because we usually have some kind of water activity. The last two years it was boating, I think we are going to do something different this time, i don't know exactly what though. I'm sure I'll manage with a regular towel most likely. I just have to be careful not to use one of the white ones because of my newly dyed hair. 

    Anyway, I have to get some other stuff together and I have tl clean up a bit so I will end here. Things have been interesting lately, for the past couple of weeks with my sister and nephew here. I will tell you about that later though. Nothing much has happened today besides this.  I have just been hanging out with my family getting ready for the activity.

     

     

July 5, 2011

  • My 4th of July

    So yesterday was pretty much awesome.

    I could not sleep the night before yesterday I was excited for my birthday and I started to think about friends, my mind was loud and it was hot in my room. I only got 3 and a half hours the night of my birthday it was insane. I fell asleep around 2:30am and had to wake up at 5:50am to get ready to go to the hot air balloon launch.

    The hot air balloon launch is an annual thing we do over here on the 4th of July. It is basicly what it sounds like, we just go watch a bunch of awesome Hot Air Balloons inflate and rise into the sky. It is a lot of fun and every year hundreds of people go. They also have a police fundraiser every year where you can buy breakfast in order to help the police, the breakfast is pretty good.  We didn't do that this year though because we are all a little strapped for cash.

    It was actually pretty cloudy in the morning we weren't sure if it would rain. The balloons ended up inflating and then deflating right after because the wind currents were too strong for them to be safe.  It was still awesome though to watch them inflate.  We were late to the balloon launch anyway so because of the complications we got to see the balloons. Usually if we were as late as we were they would have already been in the sky. The balloons usually launch around 6:30am, and we go there around 7am.

    My dad made egg and cheese breakfast burritos in the morning right after we woke up to get ready. I was going to have him make waffles but the burritos were great as well.

    We went in 2 cars when we left. I went with my sister and her husband and my nephew Jax. Everyone else went in the other car. One of the reasons why we were so late is because Justin's car wouldn't start. We had to wait 10 minutes before we could try again, it worked the 2nd time though.

    After the balloons and everything that happened in the morning we walked a couple of blocks to where the parade route was. Our relatives saved a big space in front of where they live and we sat with them near the beginning of the parade route.  We got there an hour early so I just played on my phone, and ready my book while I was waiting. I took a photo as well.

    I didn’t really watch the parade, just mainly talked with my relatives, and read my book a little. About half way through I started playing with my camera a little more and took some pictures of myself for fun. My mind was caught inbetween daydreaming and thinking of what I wanted to do afterward. The parade and balloons were not my idea, they were something I just let my family do every year. I really hate parades, not to fond of big crowds as some of you know, and the balloons are cool but I don’t like going for the same reason as parades. I wasn’t really paying attention to anything around me at the time, I texted Sam a few times, but he was busy.

    This is some random photo I took of myself while I was there.

    The parade was okay but I was glad to get away from the crowds. We left right when it ended, I was glad because they start shooting off the cannon at the end, i hate cannons, to loud for me. I’m not sure my nephiew would have liked it either, it would have scared him a lot.  

    We walked back to our cars, it was a semi-long walk back and it was getting hotter because the clouds were moving away.  I don’t mind heat as much as my other family members, but it was nice to get away from the sun and into the shade finally after a while.  My nephiew began to be more energetic again once we got into the air conditioned car again.  

    On our way back home we stopped at Smiths, Justin (my brother in law) needed to get some allergy medicine, I went in with him because I wanted to find some silver nail polish I used t wear, i couldn’t find it though. We started to leave the store but decided to go into the Sally’s Beauty Supply right next door to Smith’s. My sister and I went in this time. Justin just stayed in the car with Jax.  Linda and I bought my hair dye, and a few things of nail polish. The color of hair dye I picked is lighter and more red than the last one I used.

    When we got home we decided that we would do my hair right then, before we had our picnic up the canyon.

    My sister dyed my hair, I left it in for about 40 minutes or so and then we washed it out. When we wash my red dye out when we dye it it looks kind of like  horror show haha.  I brushed and blowdryed my hair after leaving it in a towel for about 10 minutes. When I saw my hair dryed for the first time with it’s new color I loved it a lot, I still love it a lot and so did everyone else. Red seems to be my perfect color, it matches me well and goes good with my skin tone.  

    Various people were watching Star Trek The Next Generation around my house, we didn’t do anything for a while after this.

    We decided to go up the canyon and find some place to have a KFC lunch. My parents had bought some while they were on the way back to the parade. We drove up the beautiful canyon and my mom and dad brought us to this really random place up a short trail. It had a couple picnic tables but it was mostly empty. We all pretty much protested at this spot because it had tons of bugs, didn’t look very pretty, and the ground was uneven. We all pretty much decided that we would move to another loacation. We did not know where we were going.

    We drove up to another random place at Sundance and started looking for a picnic table. We walked around this place at Sundance, I don’t know what it was but we were all feeling pretty irritated by then from searching for a place to just have a picnic lunch.

    After walking through a park a little, we found this little grassy area in front of a little hotel. I think it was a hotel anyway. We just sat down and ate. It took a few minutes for the tntion that we had built up to dissappear from the air. We all became a lot more relaxed once we sat down and ate. I took a few pictures here as well.

    After we ate we just packed up, and waited for a shuttle to take us to our car that we had parked a ways up. My dad decided that he would go and that we would just stand in front of the place near to where the shuttle came.  We just stood there for a few minutes and talked about various things.

    After a few minutes my dad came with the car and we went home.  

    We were pretty much scattered around the house for a few hours just playing games, watching movies and TV and just hanging out. I spent a few hours just watching anime, and a few movies, and playing on my phone. I was pretty worn out from all the stuff that had been happening.  

    We eventually got together and said happy birthday to me and ate the cheesecake.

    I went back downstairs ate my cake while watching a Harry Potter movie. I was down there for a little bit and fell asleep. I’m not sure how much I slept but I was woken up by my sister. She told me that we were setting off the fireworks. I just wanted to sleep and almost fell asleep again but I somehow dragged myself out of my bed, grabbed my glowsticks and went outside.  I was feeling really irritated for a few minutes and I just wanted to sleep. It passed though.

    We could tell it was going to probably rain soon so we tried to set off as many as we could. Pretty soon it started to rain, but other people in the neighborhood started setting of their fireworks. This year is the first year they have let us use the kind of fireworks that shoot up into the air, we could see various fireworks shoot up into the sky and we could hear some others that were just on the ground. I don’t know how they managed to light them but it was still pretty awesome!

    We just watched the neighbors fireworks for a while, a lot of people were shooting them off. I got out my glow sticks and started snapping them so they lit up. I gave some to my family members. i had quite a few glow sticks.

    It stopped raining, it wasn’t raining hard or anything, that is how we still managed to watch the neighbors fireworks.  We tried to light some more fireworks of our own after the rain stopped but the wind started to pick up and it wouldn’t let us light the fuse. We tried about 8 different times and managed to light ONE!

    We could tell the other neighbors were probably having this same problem because the fireworks started to die down a lot. We went back inside after this.

    I listened to some music and read some posts on Xanga for a while and then crashed and went to sleep. I was SO tired.

    It was a great day. :)

    More random picture, mostly of me.

    I forgot about the mascara under my eyes so that is why it looks like I have dark circles. ><



July 3, 2011

  • System Overload

    Yesterday was pretty fun, we decided to to the the fireworks at the end of the "Stadium of Fire". They always have really great fireworks. The "Stadium of Fire" is an annual 4th of July celebration we have here in Utah, it is usually held in BYU stadium here in Utah. They usually have some famous singer give a concert and there is different stuff that happens like dancers, and other things I don't remember, but it's really cool. The fireworks that they have in the finale are SO amazing, they shoot off a lot of them. There are a lot of people that just come over towards the end and sit on the grass with a blanket and just watch the end of the fireworks. You don't even have to be inside the stadium to see them, just sitting outside the stadium on the grass is enough. That is what we did.

    We went to the stadium and put a blanket down on the grass somewhere where we could hear the concert pretty good as well (you can hear it from 5 blocks away so didn't matter really). We had gone to Costco earlier yesterday and bought Sun Chips, chocolate, water bottles, oranges, and a few other things. We brought some of the stuff with us to the Stadium just so we could have something to snack on. We had to park 3 or 4 blocks away because there was NO parking at all. There were a lot of streets blocked off and a lot of Police, and barriers and stuff because there were a lot of people that were in the same situation as us and had to walk a couple of blocks. I did not use my cane because I did not want all the people glancing and looking at me. It is already hard for an HSP Introvert like me to be around big crowds, the glances and stares would have just made it worse. I was fine without the cane and decided to try my glasses again. It worked fine, but not a lot. 

    Anyway so we just sat there listening to Brad Pasley sing, he is pretty good. I liked this years selection better than last years. Last year they had Miley Cyrus singing at Stadium of Fire. I hate Miley Cyrus. I just played with my phone and ate snacks and watched my cute nephew playing around.  As you probably guessed I ended up breaking my diet again (I'm never going to try HCG in june again ha ha). It's not really possible for me to keep a diet at this time of the year I have found out **laugh**.

    The fireworks came around after a while, they just started with a few at a time and just increased. I took video of some of the fireworks (I'll post it later).  Jax (my nephew) was a little scared by the loud noise, we had to cover his ears so he wouldn't freak out. He got used to it after a while and calmed down a little but still got startled and complained a little bit. He is only 10 months old so I don't think he has ever seen fireworks like this before.

    When the finale came around we left right after the fireworks were done. There were thousands of people going to their cars afterward, we had to hurry. Being around a lot of people like that is very draining to me since I am an introvert down to a T.  I knew I would probably be out like a light when I got to the car because I find crowds and lots of social interaction draining. It was noisy, crowded, chaotic, absolutely insane. We kind of drifted along with the crowd that was going in the same direction as us, I tried to wear my glasses and it didn't really do anything so I took them off and it was actually better.  Right then was not a time to have my awareness dulled so it was a good thing I took them off. I get lost in crowds if I am not careful (like I said two posts ago). 

    We eventually got to the car after about 20 or 25 minutes of maneuvering around crowds.  I felt so dead when we finally got to the car. When I sat down I could just feel the urge for sleep coming over me.  We managed to only get stuck in traffic for about 10 minutes which was a miracle since there were thousands of people trying to get out as well. Lucky for me we have lived here so long that we know how to avoid situations like that and get out of traffic fast. We took a different way home.  I was drifting in and out of sleep the whole way home, it came over me really fast. If you know the way and introvert's brain works you would completely understand why, even if you don't if you know what and introvert is you will know why I was so drained after that.  On top of this I am HSP (Highly sensitive person).  This makes it much harder.

    By the time we got home it was around midnight. It took us probably 35 minutes to get home. I was so overloaded and every little thing was annoying to me. I wanted to just be alone and sleep, everything, even my bones felt tired. I used every bit of energy I had pretty much to be able to stand that huge crowd of people.  I went downstairs as soon as possible and went inside my room. I decided to wind down a bit and listen to some New Age Music to get more relaxed. I listed to music for about a half an hour and then went to sleep. I slept like the dead yesterday night.

    I did not want to wake up in the morning. I think my radio was on for 30 minutes before my brain decided to respond to it. I took a shower yesterday evening so I wouldn't have to wake up earlier today and take one. I know how my brain works so I knew I would be fizzled out and I would need that extra hour and a half of sleep. I usually wake up at 7am on Sundays it but today I woke up at 8:30. I got ready for church, decided what I wanted to wear, did my hair and stuff and got my purse. I had an orange and a glass of milk right before I left, when my ride came. I was still pretty tired, not really recovered from yesterday.

    We were a little late for church today but we made the sacrament portion of the meeting. I was semi- fine for the first hour of church and stayed awake pretty well even though I wanted to sleep. The 2nd hour though I fell asleep after just kind of bending over in my seat and letting my head droop. When I managed to get myself to at least be half awake I decided I should probably just go plug my ear buds in my ears and go sit out in the foyer and listen to the scriptures. I was pretty much asleep when I was doing this but even when I was sleeping I could still hear what it was saying.  There were a few times in the 3rd hour of church when I was sleeping out on the couch and listening to the scriptures on my iPhone that I went into this state where I was awareness where I was semi-aware of things going on around me and my body and stuff, not like sleep paralysis or anything like that, that is different but it was still weird. It was like I was asleep but became aware of that when I was sleeping, kind of like I was kind of awake but not really. I could still move a little bit. Then another time I actually had a mini dream that I woke up to late after church and everyone was gone. For some reason in that dream I was carrying 3 purses haha. That was super weird. 

    i did not want to get off the couch, my brain knew it had to wake up again though and so it did and I felt SO drowsey, I was stumbling everywhere and if everyone didn't know better because we were at church and none of us drink they probably would have thought I was drunk or something. I really felt like I could fall asleep standing up. I found my ride and we left o go home. i could not wait to go home. The hot car kind of made me wake up a little bit but I was still pretty tired, wiped out from yesterday.  I didn't say anything to anyone in the car on the way home. None of them really tried to talk to me I told them I was feeling really wiped out.

    When I got home I went straight downstairs, got on my casual clothes, and went back upstairs for a few minutes to eat something. My dad made waffles right before he and my mom went to church. I ate some waffles and drank some milk and went downstairs. I checked facebook and Destiny Online and a few other things and decided to turn off my computer because it would be completely silent. I turned off my computer and turned on Pandora Radio on my iPhone. I had it on the New Age Mix station. I climbed back into bed and was out like a light within 2 or 3 minutes. 

    I had a few times during my 3 hour nap when I would kind of wake up a little and I would be aware of my body. My body felt heavy, I could tell it really wanted sleep, my brain could tell this too because I went right back into deep sleep after I realized this. The music and the mixture of silence really helped me a lot along with the extra sleep. I felt a lot better when I woke up. It's amazing what silence and quiet music can do for you along with sleep when you are an HSP Introvert like me.  I no longer felt like I would collapse any moment after I slept more.  I'm still a bit tired, but nothing sleeping later can't fix. I'm still not completel recovered but I think I will be by tomorrow. Tomorrow is my birthday, I am turning 22.

    I just watched Star Trek Next Generation and ate a Sandwich after this. I also turned back on my computer and I have just been watching anime and stuff. I don't think anything else will happen tonight but if it does I will remember to update.

July 2, 2011

  • White Cane (part 2)

    Around September I wrote a previous post about my cane, so I decided to put part 2 on the title.  ( I completely forgot about my other post until i was looking through my posts haha.)

    So if you read my last post, (not septembers post but the one I did yesterday),  you know my vision sucks and that I sometimes use my White Cane. Mine is a folding cane, it's just likea  regular cane only it folds into 5 pieces. I have been familiar with canes ever since I was in the 2nd grade, we were given canes to use back then and I used mine sometimes but not often.  I went through this really super long phase where I refused to wear glasses or use my cane unless if I was out with my other visually impaired friends or with my blind friends. I was no stranger when it came to this kind of attitude, I have memories clear back to when I was 3 years old and even back then I refused to wear glasses.  I have this thing about being independent, and self suficent, and I hate looking weak or helpless in front of people.

    As I got older, toward my high school years I started to realize that it would actually help if I used my cane in situations. For those of you that read my last post you know the reason why I don't wear glasses. I didn't know this reason though, back in my high school years it was just because I wasn't used to them, and I hadn't worn them for so long it was weird whenever I did.  I didn't have a solid reason back then.

    Now, 3 years after I decided to take a break from college and straighten things out, fix my many problems and get my life together I am just now understanding. I am realizing like I said in my last post that while the glasses do not help that much besides when I watch TV, movies, or play video games,  my cane does help a lot.

    I have brought my white cane to various places before and I was a little nervous, but it turned out fine. Now that i am planning on using it all the time I have had to build up my confidence and courage a lot. You might think that making the decision to use my white cane is an easy one, but really it is not that easy. I am not the only one that suffered with the hardships that go with this decision. Almost everyone that I know that has denied that they needed the can for years but ended up using it had to go through a few things.  First of all some of the people had to get their families to accept their new found can usage. I've never had trouble with this my family is very accepting, so no trouble with that one. Then there is another one where you have to overcome the nervousness around your friends. I told my friends about my cane and I am currently working on this one, it doesn't cause me too much anxiety, because I know those people, it is kind of hard to use it around them though after not using it for so long.  I am working through this one very well.  Then you have to learn how to deal with every day people. I don't mind it when people ask me if I need help, or if they can ask me questions. The thing that bothers me about this one is when people just look or stare at me. I am not accustomed to attracting a lot of attention and so it makes me very uncomfortable, it's very nerve wracking. 

    I am working on getting over this, but I never realized it to the full extent until I went to Costco today and it was busy and I had people staring at me and glancing at me, it was really uncomfortable.  I don't like drawing attention to myself so it was extremely weird. I think this will be my greatest challenge, just getting used to people looking at me when I use my cane.  I'm so used to hiding my impairment that it's weird now that people actually have a way to recognize that I am legally blind it's a little uncomfortable.

    I have no issues with the other problems people go through, like feeling like I'm inferior, or feeling more disabled, or a few other things that don't come to mind right now.  I'm not to worried about the problems I do have, everyone that is like me had to go through these hurtles.

    So that is what I wanted to say for now. :)

    If you guys have any questions feel free to ask. :)

June 29, 2011

  • Friends, Self Consciousness, and Tripping Down Stairs!

    This is a note I posted on facebook earlier. I just thought it would be cool to share it here as well. :)

     

    Wow, so I never really bring his up, but I have a few things I am worried about. I just need to tell my friends about some things.

     

    Knowing is better than not knowing especially when it comes to the subject of my vision.

     

    Well some, at least most of you know that my vision is really bad. I have multiple vision problems.  My vision is very blurry, my peripheral vision is good but not perfect, I have nystagmus, astigmatism, ocular albinism, and almost no depth perception at all.

     

    So you are probably wondering why I don't wear glasses? Well that is simple, it has nothing to do with the way I look really. I really like my glasses a lot, but I rely on my whole field of vision to get around, not just my center or my side vision, or whatever. When I wear glasses I can become very disoriented because my vision is mostly focused in the confines, the boundaries of the lenses, and/ or the frames.  I lose some awareness of everything around me, this has more negative effects than positive effects for me. They make my vision better, but they take away my sense of security I guess you can say because of the loss of awareness of things around me.  I rely on more than just my sight to see, most of you probably don't notice but I rely on my sense of hearing and touch as much or possibly even more than I rely on my sense of sight. When I wear glasses it distracts from these senses, and I become more distracted by stuff around me and am actually more likely not to notice something coming, or a person, or and obstacle in my way.  So it really bothers me wearing glasses, so I just don't.  I can get around better without them, than with them.  :)

     

    I really have tried not to focus too much attention on my vision problems. I have always tried to seem as normal in front of people as I can possibly manage. I have come to realize lately however as I am getting older, and possibly a little wiser, it is probably better for people to know and understand just how bad my vision is.  I'm kind of worried about people not knowing sometimes now because I have realized that not knowing can cause more problems sometimes.  Basically I am legally blind even with glasses on, I have nystagmus, astigmatism, and nearly no depth perception like I said above.  In other words my vision is dreadful, even worse is my lack of depth perception. Blurriness and no depth perception do not go to well together, on top of my nystagmus.  It is a sheer miracle I have the ability to tell people apart since I can't even see clearly 1 and a half feet in front of my face.  Sometimes I tell people apart by the sound of their voice instead. sometimes I combine this ability with what I am able to see to more accurately tell who people are.  Whenever I go to the eye doctor he or she is always really surprised I can get around as well as I do, I always surprise them because even people with better vision than mine have trouble getting around more than I do. 

     

    So you are probably wondering if I use a cane?  the answer is yes, sometimes I do use a cane. I used to never use the cane, but with depth perception as bad as mine it really helps a lot more than glasses. Usually what problems glasses can not fix for me the cane can. It basically bridges the gap between what I can and can not see better than glasses can.

     

    Quite honestly I am self conscious using it, so I try to be as independent as i can and not use it but the more I think about it lately that is a really bad oxymoron. I am afraid if I use it more around my friends they will become more uncomfortable around me. I really don't want to make anyone feel awkward, or uncomfortable around me at all.  I am  fine with strangers or people that I don't very well seeing me with the cane, but when I want to use it around my friends I often get nervous, and chicken out. This is really the only reason why I do not use it all the time. I really like using my cane and I want to use it all the time but I just have a problem wit this one little thing.  I should use it all the time and I know that, and honestly every eye doctor, or O & M (orientation and mobility) instructor, anyone that knows a lot about vision would say the same thing. In fact they have all been nagging me my whole life to use it, I am a stubborn person though ha ha. 

     

    So basically I don't want my friends to feel uncomfortable, or feel weird around me if I end up using it like I want to all the time. I will still be the same person, it won't make me any less capable of doing stuff, the exact opposite is true, it will help me be MORE capable of doing stuff and actually make it easier for other people. I don't want to have to worry about these things so that is why I am telling you guys this stuff. I am an independent person and I catch onto stuff fairly quickly.  When i travel without the cane I have to look at the ground a lot and be careful where i step because I have no sense of depth so I can't see drop offs or stairs, rocks, bumps, pits, etc. I completely miss that stuff most of the time unless of the shadow is just right.  I'm tired of looking at the ground, I should be focusing on everything around me. This is probably the strongest reason why I want to use the cane. I am tired of missing drop offs, and almost falling down stairs or falling over holes and bumps, rocks, etc.  It get's very annoying.

     

    Anyway, so that is basically the message I want all my friends to know. I want them to know how I feel about this.

     

    Fun facts about my vision.

     

    • Because of my nystagmus I can only read with 1 eye at a time.  the involuntary movement of my eyes makes me unable to read with both eyes in sync.  I read with only my left eye.  I could probably read with my right eye too, but I have to read further away with my right eye and my nystagmus would make me lose my place a lot more at that distance. I already lose my place a lot already haha.
    • You probably caught onto this but my lack of eye color is from my 'Ocular Albinism". it's basically what it sounds like, lack of color in the eyes. Mine is due to a genetic defect.  A lot of people with ocular albinism have Nystagmus, and some of the same things I have trouble with. My real eye color was supposed to be light blue
    • I was completely blind for the first year of my life, then by some miracle my brain generated an alternative vision center on it's own which is supposed to be impossible. My vision slowly came back  after this. Not completely but it came back.
    • I am not good at memorizing people's physical appearance, most of the time it takes me a few weeks to remember faces since I have really blurry vision. it's a miracle I can work with what information I have. I have become quite good at telling people apart despite my vision, it's really quite a miracle. 
    • I require very little assistance, I get around very well on my own. Most of the time I never end up having to ask people for help.
    • I learned braille at one time in my life, I don't really use it though. haha.
    • some of my best friends are blind. My best friend that got married is blind in one eye and is legally blind in the other. 
    • I lose people in crowds a lot if I am not careful.  Some people are easier to stay with than others for some reason though, usually the ones I really like a lot

     

    If you guys have any questions or are wondering about something after you read this please leave a comment. I like questions. :)