December 14, 2012

• The Kindness of Others

  

   

  Yesterday when I was reading it dawned on me why I love to observe people so much. Observing is like watching a story unfold. Everyone is an unfinished book still being written. The more you watch them, but more of their story you get to see. I love books because it's like jumping into their life, listening to their thoughts, and BECOMING a part of their life. It's like observing on a whole different level and in a whole different way. I have never noticed this before consciously. I am quite aware of everything and everyone around me, I just love watching and listening to everyone's stories unfold before my eyes. My life can be exciting, but so can other people's too. Everyone's book is different, no one has the same story. Our lives have twists and turns, tragedy and triumph, balance and imbalance. At the same time we are both authors and co-authors. The way we write our lives can influence the story of another person, and if we mess up thankfully a lot of the time someone can help us fix our story. This is a very cool thing to think about, I've never thought about life this way until yesterday night, it makes life seem more interesting.

  I shamelessly slept in today until 2:30 in the afternoon. As I was listening to music on my computer with my lights turned off trying to wake up I accidentally blew my nose too much and caused myself to get a nosebleed. It wasn't a bad one, it was bad enough to need toilet paper though, at least a little. Getting nosebleeds in the morning is one of my least favorite things. It is very rare for me to get a nosebleed at all, but when I do get them they usually drain my livelyness for a little bit. I was glad when it was gone, I just went back to what I was doing.

  Last night I found myself looking at pictures of Darik and listening to music. One would argue that it doesn't make sense because I love Ronnie, but things aren't so black and white with me. When I feel uneasy, uncertain, unbalanced, and insecure I tend to latch onto Darik more. One would have to understand the complexity of my side of our relationship in order to understand why I latch onto him instead of Ronnie sometimes. When I feel threatened in any way for a very long time I used him as a shield to protect me. Darik and I have always had a sort of distant, but complicated relationship. The complicated part is pretty much on my end, but it's this complicated part that makes me feel like I can rely on him to protect my heart better than anyone (yes even Ronnie) except for God. He doesn't even have to do anything, just his existence, his heart, his mind, the way he is brings me comfort. Just knowing there is someone out there that is so wonderful, angelic even, just makes me feel safe. He is by no means perfect, but he doesn't need to be. My relationship with him might sound weird, but it's pretty much second nature to me now. I am used to feeling so attached to him while at the same time keeping my distance physically. I have to do this because I am so prone to being pulled in by him and if I let myself get to close I'll end up getting hurt. I know Darik isn't the one, so I play my cards carefully. I do love Darik, but it's different. I was looking at his pictures this morning too, gaining my sense of inner balance and comfort back. I have to do this sometimes when Ronnie and I don't get to talk very often. Ronnie can't yet offer me the kind of comfort that Darik does mainly because Darik lives closer, and I have known him longer. These two things are very important to me. I'll explain more when I do "The Twin Dilemma" Part 5 soon. 

  I was minding my own business when my mom came into my room and said I got a package from StumbleUpon. If any of you aren't familiar with it I suggest you look it up. I have been using their website and stuff for a long time and recently I got to 7k likes on SU. I knew they were going to send me a T-shirt, but I wasn't expecting the other stuff. All the items in the picture above are what I got from them. The T-shirt underneath, 2 pens, stickers, 2 little buttons, 2 mug holders, a mug, ping pong balls, and some sunglasses. I was blown away by their kindness and the fact that they gave me all this cool stuff just for using their website. I do not regret using it now, they are such nice people and have always been so amazing. I don't think they do this for everyone, so I feel kind of special and it totally brightened up my day. I am not used to getting stuff in the mail, let alone gifts of any kind! The T-shirt is awesome and comfortable and fits well, and I am planning on using the mug soon for tea.

  I got 3/4 of the way through the book I am reading. I have only been officially reading it since yesterday. The Hourglass series by Lisa Mangum is truly amazing and it pulls you in so much. Once again I found myself literally becoming one with the story, I felt like I was the main character and I was going through what she was going through. It's amazing just how into it I can get. That is the main reason I slept in so late, is because I was UP late. haha.

  Today has been very calm and uneventful. I watched Aristocats and Pocahontas with my nieces while I was babysitting them earlier. I taught one of them a few yoga poses, we laughed and joked around and it was fun. My sister left out some of the snacks for us to eat while she was out with Ben (ex husband) Christmas shopping.

  My sister made grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dinner when she got home. She is a lot better at making them than I am. After we ate I read some more of my book, surfed some sites using SU, and also did some stuff on Pinterest.

  It has felt like a Saturday today, on occasion through the day I would forget it is actually Thursday. I've been pretty relaxed, calm, and laid back today.  The snow has pretty much melted, but it was another cold day today. Nothing very dramatic happened today, it was quiet and peaceful. I was deep in thought about the past and about friends. I let my emotions stir and turn around inside my head without trying to stop them. During school it was a bit harder to have moments like these because I was so worried about homework and passing my classes.

  I hope tomorrow will bring something interesting. I love twists.

  EDIT: Oh yeah, since it's 12 days until Christmas here is something special I think you guys will like. All the indevidual days are below the main video.
  

  12 Days of Christmas
  

  • 1:53 AM
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