March 22, 2011

• Parents

  My parents have always taken such good care of me through all 21 and a half years of my life. My mom and dad try so hard to make everything work, pay the bills, keep everything in order, etc. They are amazing people, and I love them both. Both of my parents have heart problems. My mom has pulmonary hypertension, and my dad has problems with his cholesterol. My dad is trying to find a job right now. My mom works at a health food store and also a fabric store. Working 2 jobs isn't easy or her. Technically she shouldn't be working with her heart at all, but she does it so we can all live, have a house, have food, and be happy. None of my family members are really in a position to give money to my parents, we all wish we did but right now we don't.

  Throughout my life my parents have always been the ones that helped me through all my learning troubles and my social troubles. They helped me in so many ways. When I had trouble in school they did everything they could think of to help me get through. My life would have been a lot harder without them. I look up to both of them in a lot of ways.

  Some of you know that I do not currently have a job or go to school right now. Due to my bad social skills, and a few other things I am unable to function in a job quite yet. I am working on getting there but for now I can't. For the past 3 years or so I have been out of school, I did not know how to handle college back then and decided to take a break from school for a while until I figured a few things out. It's probably a good thing I did this because not to long after that the recession started and we started to have some pretty bad financial problems. My parents would not have had time to take me to college at that time. I think I saved them a lot of trouble back then, I still think I do now, but I am a lot different now.

  I've always been fine with not having very many posessions. I have never really asked my parents for very many things I have always been quite satisfied with what I have. I think this is one of the better things I have dome for the both of them. I was a little different back when I was in Junior High, but not to different. I have always accepted that I will probably never have all the material things that i want, and that is fine with me.

  My parents have raised me great, they are two amazing people.

  I have to admit though, sometimes I do feel guilty for not being able to do more, or not doing more of the kind of stuff I can do.  I do not do nearly as much as I should for them.

  I am not one to rely on other people but with all my vision problems and my social problems and other things I decided to do something. I am not the kind of person that likes to rely on government money, but the way I am now, even though I have improved a lot, made it so i was somewhat of a strain on my parents. I know they would never admit to this but I knew that having to pay for my clothes and stuff really didn't help them very much. I decided that I probably needed to be on SSI for a while. one of the hardest things for me to admit is that I can not do some things on my own yet. right now having a job is not one of those things I can do. I had to literally admit to every handicap I have, it was not easy. I ended up getting SSI, and I'm glad even though I do feel super weird about it sometimes. I won't lie I hate being on SSI, but it is necessary right now until I straighten out my various problems and am able to get a job, and / or go back to school. I have to also admit that it sometimes makes me feel a little dumb, i know this is not the case though. Since I started being on social security income things have been a lot easier for me. I no longer have to rely on my parents money for support, and I can buy things when I need them now. the money I get is more than enough for me right now. i do not spend very much really. this has decreased the amount I feel I burden my parents, I feel a lot more independent now. I feel a lot more free than I did before.

  I still feel like I am somewhat dependant on them in some ways, like I can't cook for example. I'm sure that will change someday though. Like I said in my previous post, I am still getting used to the idea of it being okay for me to be somewhat of a burden on people and rely on them, just as long as it isn't to much.

  Sometimes it is truly hard for me to rely on people, feeling like I'm a burden, like I'm a bother is really painful sometimes. I know it will be okay though and I will work through my problems.

  My parents love me a lot and I know this. For now I guess I'm okay living this way. I know I'll get to where I want to go eventually.

  • 7:43 PM
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