I have always been a pretty dedicated Xanga user. I have always tried to chip in what I can, be premium and stuff, comment, and red, etc. Some of you know that a couple of months ago I had to get 3 fillings and I am still paying off the dental bill. I have been running on premium plus for the last year on here but it is almost expired. Usually if I didn't have to pay my last payment of $125 next month I would just buy another year, but Ii don't think I am going to be able to this time. I might just have to do the 6 month one this time. I really hate being short on money, it really does suck. Last month I got below a dollar. I didn't overdraw, but it got that low, it was insane.

The weekend was pretty boring, and even today nothing really that interesting happened. I've just been talking to friends and stuff. I spent a lot of time just doing homework, playing Destiny Online, and just random stuff that isn't worth mentioning.  Sunday was Stake conference, it's when all the wards in one stake (mormon vocab yay!) get together and have a big 2 hour meeting instead of the usual 3 hour block. It usually happens earlier than usual too, like around 10am. Different wards go to church at different times. It changes for everyone every year. Stake conference is like a sacrament meeting, only it's 2 hours long ad we don't take the sacrament.

Anyway, so as much as I hate to end it here, my brain is just totally shorting out. I'll make sure to write tomorrow.

Bleh, I have mixed feelings about today. It's been kind of crazy.

My day started off as pretty normal. I got up and washed my hair, got ready for school, the normal stuff. I actually had milk and peanut butter cookies for breakfast today though, that was different. I forgot to submit a short English assignment for my class, so I did that really quick before school. My sister had a doctor's appointment and she had to leave for a while. I played Destiny Online, listened to music, and submitted that assignment before she got back.

She didn't come back until 10 minutes before class was about to start, we had to hurry to the school. I was feeling kind of neutral abou this situation. I really wasn't that upset about it because my teacher really doesn't make a big deal about me being late. It couldn't be helped today. I was pretty quiet as usual in the car today, I usually do not talk very much when I am in the car. I like to think about stuff when I am moving around like that.  I kind of felt a little bad about having to be late, but it couldn't be helped, so I just tried to ignore this.

I got to my class 10 minutes late, I hurried as fast as I could all the way there and up the flights of stairs. I was pretty out of breath by the time I made it there and made sure I stopped by a drinking fountain right before because my mouth was dry.

The class itself, we just presented these lists, pretty easy lists to the class with our groups we have. We had a question (like ours was "Why is Fast food so popular?") we presented our list of reasons to the class and added details if we wanted. Other groups in class had other questions. It got pretty interesting.

I went to Astronomy afterward, and we talked about the different types of light, and what they effect and how they effect things and people and how they work as well. I accidentally got a little too comfortable for a little bit and almost fell asleep. My friend warned me that might happen haha. The class was really fun though, and interesting as always. We are taking a test in a week though, I'm kind of nervous for that.  I think I will do fine, because I love Astronomy, but I am still a little nervous, because it's a lot of info to take in. Sometimes I forget things. I am always kind of disappointed when class has to be over.

Anyway, today is Friday, so I had no fitness classes, so I was done after Astronomy.

I had a Fruit and nut bar for lunch and took some pictures (I"ll upload them in the morning). I decided I wanted to stay a big longer, so I found a good wifi spot, and watched an episode of Cake Boss. I like the atmosphere at school, so I usually end up staying a bit longer than I need to. I didn't call anyone until 40 minutes after my class had ended. Then it took my dad at least 25 minutes to get to the school and pick me up, so I wasn't home for a while.

I have just been listening to music, watching Cake Boss, playing Destiny online, surfing facebook, and just hanging around the house. After school I found out that one of my friends from Destiny Online was really mad at me for selling a pet he gave me on the game. I had no clue he was the one who gave me the pet, I thought it was just a random person, and so I didn't think about selling it. I felt bad afterwards and I have been trying to contact the person I sold it to to try and trade for a different pet, so I could get his back, but she hasn't answered. Something tells me she doesn't want to give it up and this has been a particular point of stress for me today. I know it is a game, but my friend was so mad at me and I really want to make things right. I once had a different pet on the game a long time ago and one of my other game friends sold that one when I was away, so I know how that feels. I was pretty attached to it as well. I know this sounds a bit silly, but my relationship with Destiny Online has always been unique compared to other games. Alll of us have always been close on the game, and have been through so much the 4 years it's been out. I have a ton of memories on there. I only started blogging on here 2 months before I joined the game. Some of my long disappearances from here have to do with me playing on there in the past. 

Anyway, so I had that to deal with, plus aunt flow decided to visit today **cough cough** , AND I got a really bad bloody nose earlier in the day. I always become kind of drained and a little moody after that happens. That mixed with the other thing made me feel kind of irritated today, and moody and stuff. I've been feeling weird. I guess that is expected though. Oh yeah, not to mention that I hadn't talked to Ronnie for almost 2 days, and this was making me go crazy as well. He is a really cool guy, another friend I met on DO, (If you didn't know that from my previous posts).  He only contacted me about an hour ago. I am so relieved to be talking to him again. I really have been feeling thrown around emotionally today, so I was honestly truly happy to talk to him again.

Anyway, I have pictures and stuff I am planning on adding tomorrow morning. I might add a few other thoughts and feelings too. I am pretty fried today, so I might have to add stuff tomorrow.

I'll wait to add the tags tomorrow to.

My fitness classes (Yoga and Pilate's) are done for the week. I have Pilate's, Mondays' and Wednesdays , and Yoga Tuesdays and Thursdays. I kind of wish I had them Friday and Saturday as well ha ha. There are so many poses in Yoga so far that I have almost fell on my face trying to do so far. I actually bruised my knee one day when I fell over trying to do Reverse Triangle Pose. It was really funny however. I am really loving it though, despite how amateur I am at it.  My teacher always explains everything so clearly, and there are a lot of people in my Yoga class, so I can watch them too. I usually put my mat in the front, so I can see the best.  We started getting into the primary series of poses just like 2 or 3 classes ago. Last time we only did 3 or 4 of them, but today we did as many as 7 or possibly 8 of them. I don't remember precisely. I am gradually memorizing them. Some I can do a lot better than others.

I still have a lot of progress to make in both my Yoga and Pilate's classes, I am still very out of shape, especially for my Pilate's class, it is pretty hard but I do my best. I am working on my balance, and flexibility especially in my spare time.

I think we have our first test in Astronomy tomorrow, I'm a little nervous for that. There are still a lot of things I haven't quite caught on to yet.  I am going to study more later, and hopefully I will be able to fully grasp everything. I really love the class a lot, and can't wait to see what we talk about tomorrow. I want us to play around with the planetarium dome more as well, it's so cool.

English is going fine, I'm not sure if I said anything about us learning how to do APA papers on Tuesday, but that is what we did for that class period.  have English 4 days a week, kind of weird, but it works. We have 3 classroom days and 1 computer lab day.  We haven't been given anything that hard.

I usually have an hour between my Astronomy class, and my Pilates class, and my English class and My yoga class on almost every day except for Thursday and Friday. I have no English class at twelve on Thursday, and I have no fitness class on Friday. I usually just walk around campus in my free time just getting to know everything. I remember one of the days I went and read some of the apartment postings on the bulletin boards where they have all these houses and apartments for rent. Some of the ads are hilarious and made me laugh so hard.  People are so creative sometimes I tell you.  Sometimes I eat lunch in this time period, or just bring a nut bar, and buy a sobe Lifewater and drink that before class. I try not to eat very much before I exercise, that was actually recommended by my instructors.

Thursday, I don't remember if I mentioned this as well, but Thursday the Institute of Religion over near the University has a $2.00 lunch. It is something different every week. I didn't have it this week, but they had Taco Salad.  They call it 'Lunch Bunch".  The institute teachers are pretty nice and they sometimes buy people lunch if they don't have the money.

So, after my last post I actually sent the link to Darik. Not sure if he read it or not, he might have not read it. I made it a point to tell him to ignore the dramatic sounding title and to not read the other 3 parts. I don't think he would have read the other 3 parts even if I had given them to him as well anyway, so I'm not worried. I really wanted him to understand my feelings in this part. 

Yesterday I went to Costco with my mom and ad after school, we just bought a few little things, I also got some new pillows. They are just temporary pillows however, until I have enough money to buy a really good one next month. I sleep with two pillows, I get back and neck problems and stiffness if I don't. I put my 2nd pillow in the laundry room however to be washed. We decided that I just needed another pillow though. I can't afford the one I want right now, but I will be able to next month however. I'm looking for one that is like a micro bead pillow or something like that.

When I got home from school today my sister had made Peanut Butter cookies. I think this batch is for a neighbor or something though. I'm pretty sure she will make more for us however. 

Anyway, that is all for now. I know I usually do not post this early but I felt like writing, and when I feel like writing I know I should.

I've always had so many pent up feelings for Darik. I used to be really stubborn when it came to liking him. I usually would never admit that I liked him, even to myself. After years of doing that all the stuff I feel for him, the stuff I was trying to repress got so tangled and messed up that when it finally all came out at me I got really confused and went haywire. It still stresses me out when I try to make sense out of everything I feel and organize it all, just not as bad now. I have made a commitment now to not bring this problem with me when we talk or if we see each other again. I told him I would drop it all and just go off a clean slate and not bring any of that frustration and stuff to him. It was really starting to put a strain on our friendship. Darik and Dylan have always been very patient with me and that is something I have always loved about them. Darik and I worked out the basics on the first and 2nd day of school. I told him that I would try and be myself and not worry about everything anymore if he would give me another chance. Once again he replied and said that we will always be friends and that will and has never changed. After all the drama he has had to put up with me in the past, these words never cease to surprise me. He really has a good heart. So, the foundation is there, I just have to make sure I don't mess it up again.

I still try to untangle the mess of my feelings for Darik sometimes, but I do it alone, when i"m not around anyone else. I get kind of stressed when I try to do it, and kind of burnt out, but I always stop if it becomes too much. I'm not kidding when I say everything is tangled in an incomprehensible mess. I know I'll eventually figure this out, even if it takes me more time than I want it to.

I made a commitment at the end of the last school semester when they graduated that I would just let go and leave them alone. I really felt like I couldn't do anything right, or say anything right either, so I just decided to let go and move on. Things did not go as planned however, it was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. You also have to understand that they are both implanted so far and so deep into my subconscious that whenever I try to do stuff like this my subconscious rebels, in a big way too. If you have seen the posts about my dreams you know that I have a LOT of dreams about Darik, and Dylan as well, but not nearly as much as I have about Darik. When I dream about someone I have trouble not thinking about them for a little while afterward and that can sometimes create this cycle that is hard to break. I think about the person, and then I end up dreaming about them more.  I had this problem with my best friend Eric after he got married, my mind just did not want to let go of him. Well my problem with Darik is at least 10 times worse than this. I dream about him and it's like when I wake up my feelings for him are like 10 fold what they are usually and I can't get him off my mind and so the cycle just keeps going whether or not I want it to. My feelings calm down after a while, but the effect of the dreams usually lasts for a few hours after I wake up. So with this info you can probably understand why I had trouble letting go.

I was fine for a few weeks, but there was the matter of all my unresolved feelings for the both of them. Well, actually mostly Darik, I can ignore  my little problems with Dylan easy, they are nothing. I cracked at least 3 times and texted and messaged Darik. I felt to guilty for what a moron I had been though that every time I cracked it just made me feel worse. Sure, it made me feel better for a day or so but then I started doubting if I should have said what I said every time. I was so sure that Darik hated me by the end of the summer, I was shattered into a million pieces, or at least that is how I felt. The weight of still having a lot on my mind, the pressure of trying to untangle everything, and the pain of a lot of regret was just weighing me down. I was so stubborn, I did not want to let anything go, I wanted to solve it all. I am the kind of person that likes to resolve my feelings about stuff and solve my problems, all of them if I can. A lot of you know that I have a lot of regrets in my friendship with them, and the pressure of these regrets was killing me inside. I have trouble letting go of stuff like that. I am the kind of person that likes to solve EVERYTHING as I said before, even my feelings of regret for most things if I can.

In the end I ended up having to admit to myself that I just needed to let everything go, whether or not it was unresolved. I knew that if I was going to be a good friend I would have to get the hang of this. I knew I could do it and that is when I asked him for another chance and he said we were still friends. I am not expecting anything that big to happen, or for us to magically start talking a lot, I know that would be unrealistic. I do feel a lot better anyway, just because I am at least trying to let go of everything when I talk to him or if I see him. I don't feel bad about thinking about all that as long as I keep it to myself and work it out in private and don't bring him into it. I feel like a better friend now. I feel a lot better in general and not as... broken, I guess you could say.

You are probably wondering why I never talk about Dylan. That one is simple, there is just nothing I need to talk about. I am really quite satisfied with how things turned out with Dylan. I have no regrets, I did everything I could do and even though I probably could have been a lot more out going, I at least had a decent amount of time around Dylan when I was in school when I was younger. I really did like Dylan a lot, and I was able to organize my feelings and my thoughts a lot better and resolve almost all the inner problems I had a long time ago. It was kind of hard letting go, but I did it early enough that it didn't cause me too much trouble.  Sometimes I wish I hadn't made myself more distant on purpose, but it was necessary. I used to focus on Dylan a lot more, so I was able to keep myself organized and not let everything get tangled up and stuff. I never ignored my feelings for Dylan, I just carefully resolved them. It took me a few years after I decided I was going to let go of him, but I managed it just fine. He has a girlfriend now, an extremely awesome one too. I have always liked Jennifer a lot, she is really cool. I'm really glad I didn't let my problems with Darik effect my friendship with Dylan. I could have really screwed things up with Dylan if I hadn't been really careful. I came close to dragging him into it, but caught myself before I could do anything. I don't think he noticed the distance I kept from him, I was doing this on purpose. I didn't want to upset the balance. I made a wise decision.

Anyway, I guess this is all for now. Knowing me there will probably be another part haha.

School has been going great for me. I am taking Yoga, Pilates, Astronomy, and English. So far over the past 10 days ssince school has really kicked into gear it hasn't been too hard, in my non-fitness classes that is. My Yoga and Pilates classes have really been working me hard, but I am really enjoying it. I have an awesome teacher, he is really fun and exciting, and he explains everything well in my Yoga class. My Pilates teacher has been working us to death, and it is only the third week, so it is still pretty hard for me in both classes. I can tell I am already getting better at those classes.

Astronomy has been fun we have been learning all about orbit, eclipses, planets, stars, etc. I still need to go through the chapters and read 1 to 5 again because it hasn't quite sunk in. I"m not surprised that my brain has taken a little bit of time to wake up, I did just get up off of a 4 month break. In the classroom, in the center of the room there is this big planetarium dome. We just started doing stuff with that. He simulated the orbit of some planets, and solar and lunar eclipses. I think the dome is really awesome, even if it doesn't always behave. The first day something went wrong and the stars started moving rapidly in one direction and everyone felt like they were zipping through the universe, it was trippy. I really enjoy my teacher, he is fun to listen to and exciting and knows how to crack a good joke. He always saves a good seat for me because of my visual impairment, I think that is really nice.  He also lets me be late without docking me because my previous class (English) is so far away. I can't wait to tell you guys more about this class as it progresses.  There is a lot I don't understand right now, but I can get the hang of it.

I am in the bottom English class in the college. I am very rusty in English, surprisingly enough. I'm sure none of you expected that since I write so much.  I don't know how to do a lot of things, like write papers, my grammar isn't the best, and some other things. So far I am liking the class, we have just started out with simple things like recognizing similar words, learning about the different kinds of papers there are and how to write and order them, and some other stuff. The class his pretty easy to understand, but gives enough challenge that I learn, but am not overwhelmed. We have this journal we write different stuff from the textbook in like responses to questions, summarizing paragraphs, and some other stuff.  It's nothing too hard, but gives a healthy dose of challenge. My teacher is pretty easy to understand as well. There are a lot of people from different countries in my class as well, It get's pretty interesting sometimes, sometimes some of them talk a lot though and that can be annoying.

I got a locker for my stuff for when I am in my fitness classes, it is all the way on the other side of campus from where I usually am. I also have to go up a ton of stairs, so when I go to put my stuff in it it's kind of like a pre-workout. I have been loosing a steady 3 pounds a week since school started because of all my activity. I am feeling really good. It's kind of exhausting walking back and forth between two ends of the campus, but it is helping me get into good shape. Sometimes I am tempted to take the elevator up instead of all those stairs, but then I think of all the help they can be.

I have also been careful about what I have been eating. I make sure not to pack anything really sugary or unhealthy in my lunches.  I also make sure I take a lot of vitamins, and drink a lot of water. My mom is a health expert, so she helps me a lot.

It is still pretty hot over here, so most of my days at school my back is completely soaked with sweat. I know that is kind of gross to some people, but there isn't really anything I can do about it ha ha. I am just glad I am getting into better shape.

I made sure not to schedule any of my classes before 11am, so I get plenty of sleep. I sometimes have a problem with falling asleep a little late, so this is good this semester. I am still trying to get my sleep patterns back on. They aren't that hard to get back on a good time, I just don't feel like going to bed early sometimes haha.

For ward Family Home Evening we played games, and ate these really great home made scones, they were amazing. I ate like 3 of them. I had one with powdered sugar and strawberry jam, one with honey, and one with cinnamon sugar and a little bit of butter. they were so addicting. One of the games we played was this one where there was this disk handed around and it had a different thing on it and the person that was holing it had to give clues as to what it was that was written o the disk. The person, or team that guessed correctly got a point. Our team lost, but it was still pretty awesome.

We were supposed to have a pool party today, but then a thunderstorm came, so we decided to just play games and hang out and stuff.  The thunderstorm was amazing though, it produced some of the coolest lightning I have seen in a long time. There were so many long ones this time, and we finally got some much needed rain.

I am still talking to my friend Ronnie a lot. Sometimes I get a bit worried that we are getting too close though, sometimes we go a bit overboard with what we talk about and I end up wanting to retract sometimes. I am probably going to tone it down a bit since we don't live that close, and it takes up too much of my time and distracts me from my school work. Sometimes I am also worried that I know too much about him. There are some things that make me uneasy.  I haven't talked to him at all today actually. I needed a break and some time to myself to do homework and stuff. I can't always be talking to him all the time even though he is super nice and stuff. I like him a lot, but sometimes I worry that things are moving way too fast and in a direction I am not willing to go. I am always clear on the fact that I just want to be friends though, even though we do get carried away sometimes. I don't really believe in online dating anymore. I like someone else anyway, so it's not like it's going to go anywhere.  He is my type in a lot of ways, but in some certain more important ways I realize we aren't really that compatible and this is how I really feel about it. I've had people I have had a lot in common with and they just didn't feel right. I always follow my heart and my common sense and try not to lead anyone on. I know he wants to be my number one, but I just can't. Sometimes when we talk, we get a little too comfortable and I end p wanting to keep my distance for a time. I think I need to be better about expressing how I feel still.  I know part of how things turn out is my fault, I need t work on that.

Anyway, I guess this is all for now. I have pictures and stuff I want to show, but I'll do that tomorrow. I'm pretty wiped out. I can't believe I typed this much without falling asleep haha.

Sometimes I get so nervous when people want to get close to me. I have never been all that popular, and some people think I'm a little different. I have noticed that a lot of people in the outside world tend to judge me a lot more than people on the net. Probably because the people that are on the net always see my personality first, and the people in the outside world tend to judge me by my looks and what I am like on the outside.  I don't talk a lot, hardly at all actually and I don't really just go up to people and hang out and stuff. It's just never been my style. I guess the way people act around me has given me a slight dislike for the outside world. I feel like if I show myself then I will be judged negatively. I am nowhere perfect and I know it. I have insecurities, things I worry about, things that make me nervous, and freeze and other stuff like that.

Some misconceptions people have about me pop up from time to time and it drives me crazy.  Like they think just because I have bad vision that I can't get around on my own or do stuff a lot of other people do. I may be legally blind, but do you see me wearing glasses, contacts, reading braille, etc? The answer is no. I am capable of doing almost anything a person with normal sight can do. It's just the way I adapted. I am not helpless and I can get around on my own, read regular print, go to movies, watch TV, and even on occasion I play sports with friends even though I'm not too good at them. I also have Nystagmus, it makes it so my eyes can't realy hold still. You wouldn't believe how many people have made fun of me in my lifetime. I couldn't even look at anyone in the face for years because I was so destroyed by their comments.

People assume that just because I go a little slower at school that I am dumb or something. It is nothing like that. I just like to go at my own pace, I don't go by what other people like. I am in no hurry and neither should anyone else in my opinion. I think we would all be a lot less stressed if we knew how to relax more.

And then there are the times when people judge me for my outward imperfections which is utter insanity. I don't have a perfect smile, I know I am missing a few teeth, but that is not my fault. I do wear 4 fake ones on the top, but that was out of my control and I wish people wouldn't judge me for it. I never bothered to replace the other two that are missing, you can't even see them.  I was just born without some of my teeth, just the 4 on top, and then the other 2 had to be pulled because I had weak enamel and they were having problems. I am missing some permanent teeth on top, but there is nothing I can really do about it. I used to be teased a lot about my smile. Lucky for me I still like to smile, even though I am still really self conscious about the way my teeth are. I usually never tell people this about me if they don't know just because it's caused me a lot of trouble in the past. People hurt me so badly that now I feel like if anyone finds this stuff out about me now that they will lose interest, or stop liking me, or be weirded out. It's really terrifying... really. I am just glad i still have most of my top ones, and all of my bottom ones.  I guess it could be worse.

Another stupid thing that people judge me for is my kind of deformed toe on the left foot. I was just born with it. I know it looks a little weird, but you can't really do anything about genetic deformations like that except for get surgery, which I will do some day most likely.

I am human, and I want to be loved just like anyone else. be careful how you treat people, you may effect them in a negative way if you are not careful. I try to hide my insecurities, but because I was tortured by people in my earlier years about my imperfections it's really secretly traumatized me. Traumatized me to the point where I am afraid to get close to anyone in fear that they will find out my imperfections. 

I wonder if anyone will be able to look past this. I really hope there is at least 1 person like that out there.

I also hate the misconception that people like me that are on SSI can't get jobs. That is definitely not the case for me.  I just don't have enough skills right now to be confident enough to get a job, plus it is hard for someone with vision problems to find jobs, and I am in school anyway, so I just ride with it. If I really had to get one I could get one somehow I'm sure, but for now I just live off of SSI for now.  I am very skilled in a lot of areas, I just need to learn a few more things, and improve my social skills.

My weight doesn't bother me that much, but sometimes people are a little picky about it. I am healthy, so I am not going to just go with what some people say and get paranoid about it. It is not that bad, I NEVER get sick at all, and I am very active and am losing it in my own time.

My speech isn't all that clear sometimes either. I work on it though. It's only this way because I don't talk a whole lot, or I didn't before anyway. I talk a bit more on videos and stuff, and I can already see an improvement. My mouth just got a bit lazy.

Anyway, these are the things I am most self conscious about and the things I wish people would look over more, or wouldn't judge me by. I was just thinking about this and had to write my thoughts down.

I'm sure there is someone out there who can look past my imperfections, but where that person is I have no clue.  I might even find more than one, I guess I will have to be patient.  **sigh**

I hope none of you think these things are weird haha. That would make me feel great. I never judge other people for their imperfections, or make fun of anyone, or anything like that. I guess because I know what it is like to be on the other side, what it feels like to be so different that you don't feel like anyone can accept you.

So I woke up around 9am. I got dressed, was kind of half asleep. I did not feel like getting up, but I did none the less. I opened my laptop and opened Pandora Radio, and played my Queen station. My sister made me a lunch for later, I had a protein shake for breakfast because I didn't feel like eating anything else for breakfast today. I took out the un-nessicary books that I would not need to carry out of my bag, except for my Astronomy book, I wasn't sure if I wanted to look that one over or not.  I talked to Ronnie a little before school, but not much.

I left for school around 10:20am. I was still feeling really tired about then. I got dropped off by my sister at the Institute of Religion building. There is a lot of construction going on over near where the building is, so it was pretty noisy. When I got into the building I had to look through the list of classes and choose a couple. I decided on the 11am Book of Mormon class, and the 12 noon Old testament class. Taking institute classes is pretty normal for people around here that are LDS, even some non LDS people take them. You don't really get credit for them, but they are usually pretty fun, have awesome teachers, and don't really have any work at all. You can just listen or whatever.

I have this tradition every first day and last day of Institute where I always buy a Red Cream Soda before class and drink it in my first class. The first time I did it it was kind of on a whim, but I decided to do it from then on. I don't usually drink that much soda, so it is that much better when I do. Red Cream Soda is my favorite carbonated drink.

Anyway, Both my classes went off pretty good, we were just introduced to the classes and the material we are going to be going over through the semester. We did some getting to know you stuff, had to fill out a few things, and other than that nothing really happened at my institute classes today. My teacher in the first class did tell some really good stories and was absolutely hilarious the whole time. I think I am going to have a lot of fun with my Institute classes.  We had name tags in my first one, I did my traditional thing and plastered stars all over it. haha.  I sent Ronnie a text  during my first class telling him when I would be available again, then went back to what I was doing.

I actually was supposed to go to a meeting with one of the councilors at the accessibility office around 11am, but totally forgot. Since I have pretty bad vision this is a regular thing every semester, they just make sure I have everything I need to be able to get through my classes okay. I only had to visit them probably like 4 times last semester. I am pretty independent and usually do not need help very often with my vision problems because I am so well adapted even without glasses or contacts.

I actually left half way through my 2nd institute class and made another appointment, and then came back to my 2nd Institute class after that.

After Institute I ate lunch. My sister packed me an Egg and cheese sandwich, a fruit cup, a nut bar, a juice box, and a V8. They were all pretty great. I was so full by the time I was done. I actually did a crazy thing and went ahead and bought a Sobe Lifewater after this, I have no idea why, I guess it is just a school habit.

I wandered around campus for a while, looking at the books in the bookstore, walking into the school store (the one that has the ice cream shop in it. I'll have to get pictures). and just looked around. I didn't do much besides eat lunch and wander around between classes. I actually went up to my Yoga classroom early because I had nothing better to do, and just played around with my phone for a bit taking pictures of stuff and playing games.

It was around 10 or 15 minutes later before everyone was there, the teacher arrived and we started things. I was kind of surprised by my teacher's appearance. I actually thought that it was going to be a Chinese guy because his name is Russ Lee.  I felt totally amused at myself after I saw that he looked like a blonde haired rock star. Long hair, cook beard, really in shape.  Not what I was expecting (I was expecting him to be in shape), but he is even more cool than what I expected. I can tell that I am going to have so much fun in Yoga. Today he just explained the details of the class since it was the first day of the class. We went over the syllabus and just got to know the different things we are going to get to do. He made it very clear that it is going to be hard, but I am fine with that. That is actually part of the reason I chose the class, the other ones being that I just love Yoga and wanted to learn it better, and because I thought it would help me be relaxed a little more and keep my mind off the stresses of my other classes. I took Pilates for these same reasons.

I took a picture of my school bag before my yoga class started.

Anyway, after my yoga class I went to go get my yoga textbook. The line this time was even longer than it was yesterday, and it was like a snake going all over the school bookstore. I was probably in line for like 20 minutes, seriously. I was glad to get it over with. I called my mom and she came and picked me up at the library after this.

We went to a local appliance and furniture store to look at new washers, ours is crazy and we need a new one because it doesn't even work properly. She was looking at washers and I just wandered around the store looking at everything else. They had tons of stuff, beds, desks, couches, living room sets, fridges, ovens, washers and dryers, you get the idea. Near the end of us being there I started watching "Beauty and the Beast" on one of their TV's. It just happened to be playing there.

When we were done there we went to a local mall and looked at some stuff like personal items, shoes, clothes, stuff like that. When we were looking at the shoes I found this really cute pair that I loved, but knew I probably shouldn't get because the heels were so high and it would kill my feet even though they looked so good. I think the heels must have been 4 inches tall. I felt a little crazy for liking them, but I just tried them on anyway and had fun walking around for like 2 minutes.  I took them off and put my regular shoes on after this. I didn't see any other shoes at the store we were at that I liked, not enough to try them on anyway.

We also looked for clothes for my yoga and Pilate's classes, but we didn't find any there that I liked.

We decided to go to the mall that is closer to our house. We went to Sports Authority and looked at all the different yoga pangs and shirts. I usually don't wear stuff that is really tight, but in Yoga and Pilates it is important that nothing can fall down or up. No one wants to show anything they don't want to show (like a shirt falling up if you are in one of the upside down poses), so we have to wear pretty form fitting clothing. I'm just glad I don't look too horrible in my spandex like pants and shirt. haha.

Anyway, after this we bough the stuff and went out for ice cream at a nearby ice cream shop.  I got a Mango Peach tart ice cream, swirled with a coconut ice cream. I put some extra coconut on it. My mom got a chocolate... something ice cream, don't remember what it was.  I really enjoyed my ice cream, it was fabulous. The coconut ice cream in it gave it an extra kick and made it taste even more awesome.

After this we went home. I logged onto Destiny Online after this.  I surfed the net for a while, checked xanga, and then passed out because I was so tired. I am actually typing this after midnight here, but I'll still go ahead and post it on the day I meant to. I am going back to sleep now, so I'll end here.  I actually typed part of this earlier before I fell asleep, but I couldn't finish it because I was practically sleep typing haha. I'm a little disappointed I did not get to talk to Ronnie more today.  I guess there is always tomorrow though.

So let me sum up my day for you. I went to my first class English, did one class and decided to take a different English class cuz I wasn't sure I could handle that one. The whole time I was in class I just had this nervous, uncomfortable feeling as we were goig over the syllabus. My teacher was pretty nice, but I could tell that that class wasn't going to be the one for me right now. I had to run around asking people if it would screw up anything to switch to the other class. (I was in English 990, but had to downgrade to 890). By the time I got everything figured out it was already 12:46 and my new English class is scheduled at noon. So, I missed the entire first day of my other English class. It took me a while to find the person that clearly explained everything to me, the others were like all so confusing. 

I was upset upset because I was planning on saving that hour for choir.  

I was feeling quite irritated. I then got lost on my way to Astronomy and got there late, had to sit on the floor because it was too dark to see if there was any seats left. My teacher just let me sit there. We took a short pre-test, and filled out a little sheet of info about ourselves. Right before lass I noticed that Darik had texted me, it kinda threw me for a loop, but i'll talk about that more later in my next "Twin Dilemma' part (Part 4)

I had an hour between classes after Astronomy and spent it talking to the teacher of the choir I WAS going to be in but couldn't because of my english conflict. I have Tuesday and thursday at noon open, but he said I couldn't take the class half of the time because it wasn't fair to those people who could take it every day. So I just ended up giving up on that idea of being in the show choir at the Institute of Religion.

After this I ate lunch, I had SubWay with a Mango Mandarin Sobe Lifewater. I then went to Pilates and nothing much happened besides the class was explained. I went to go buy my books from the bookstore after this and the line was SO FREAKING LONG, but I lived. I then called my dad and he picked me up. I just surfed the net on my iphone until he got there. 

Even though my day started out so crazy, I still think I am going to have a great time in school. 

After school I opened Destiny online and started the robot. The game has a training robot that makes it so you don't have to do all the grinding. 

I talked to my friend Ronnie for a while, but he had to go do some stuff with his computer and some other stuff. I actually fell asleep for like 2 hours while he was away. We have been talking for most of the evening. I met him on Destiny Online, he is a really awesome person. We just started talking to each other like last week a lot. We have known each other for a few years though. He is a really easy person to talk to, I really enjoy talking to him a lot. One of the days we talked we talked for 7 hours straight, like way past midnight, it was insane. 

Anyway, other than this nothing much has happened. I unwrapped my books and stuff and put them in my bag, ate dinner, and have just been watching movies, and listening to music and stuff. 

My friend Sarah mentioned this movie called "A Cinderella Story", I was interested and actually watched it. Not my favorite, but I guess it was decent. Sarah is another friend I met online, we are like super close. She is one of the very few people I actually talk to on the phone. I usually hate talking on the phone, but she is one of the very few exceptions. 

I know I haven't written for like 3 weeks, sorry about that. You don't have to worry about missing anything, I'll tell everything soon. I've pretty much organized everything inside my head so I can tell it properly. SO much stuff has happened since my last big post. 

Anyway, this is all for now. I have pictures and stuff I want to put up, but i'll add them tomorrow.

One more thing, I always watch this as a tradition  on the first day of school.

Haven't disappeared from Xanga again don't worry. I've been just so fried out blogging wise. So many things have happened these past 2 weeks I just need a bit more time to organize everything in my head and then I'll tell you guys about it. It won't disappoint at all I promise.

Sorry if this is kind of short, I just wanted you guys to know this. I'll be back soon!!

So 3 days ago I'm pretty sure, I bought my niece Minecraft. That is pretty much what i have been doing the past 3 days. I didn't post because I wanted to focus on helping her get around the game and getting to know how things work. She is very creative, and the update 1.3 now allows us to play on our own server using our LAN (Local Area Network). I knew as soon as this update came out I just HAD to get her an account.

I have been helping her learn how to do stuff like build bridges, houses, roads, tame and breed Ocelots and Wolves, and a lot of other stuff. I have been building a desert city that I will show you sometime soon. We have been using graph paper to plan out our creations. The first day I think we played for like 7 hours straight which was so crazy. We have been spending a lot more time together lately and it has been great. Natalie and Kayla have both enjoyed it. Kayla just usually sits and watches, but she still seems to have a lot of fun watching the stuff that goes on inside the game.

Other than this I have been just watching the Olympics. Well, more like listening more than watching, we get so into our game sessions when we play together it is crazy.

So onto the main subject here. For years I have refused to use any kind of magnifier when using the computer besides the one that you can use to magnify individual websites. I have had to bend over to read the stuff on my screen for years. Back when I had a desktop it wasn't as bad as it is now that I have a laptop because I could being my screen closer if it wasn't close enough. I was pretty determined never to use a magnifier. Yesterday I put my foot down though. After 8 months of having my laptop and having to constantly strain my eyes to see the screen I finally looked through the accessibility options and found the screen magnifier. I am now running on full screen magnifier and it is fabulous. I no longer get eye strain and I can now have better posture and be in a better and more comfortable sitting position. I now sit in a regular position and it is fabulous. Without magnification, even with my screen on the largest display I still have trouble seeing it clearly, so that is why I had to resort to the magnifier. I don't think I will ever go back now. The only times I don't use it is when I am playing games like Tetris , and Minecraft, looking at pictures, and watching videos on youtube. 

Anyway, the day is still young. i WILL update later if anything happens.

First off, here is the first official part of my web show.

I watched the gymnastics team get gold today, it was great. I have always loved gymnastics a lot. I also watched Michael Phelps get his gold and break a record for the most medals. I am personally more of a Lochti fan like I said yesterday though. I know he doesn't have as many medals, but I just think he is great.  As for the gymnastics team, I don't really have a favorite currently.

My sister made a second batch of Gluten free chocolate chip cookies, and peanut butter cookies, they were great. I didn't write anything on Sunday, but that was probably the only thing that happened that day besides church and the Olympics.  We made the first batch on Sunday.

I watched Bonanza today with my mom, I haven't watched that in a long time. It is a raelly great show. Some of you know that I love old TV shows, especiallly mystery, and westerns. I have also started watching Dragnet recently. 

Anyway, besides this I have been updating some stuff in minecraft like texture packs and other stuff. I try not to play tooo much on my computer because I don't want to wear my laptop out. I would probably play more if I had a desktop, but I don't so I just have to manage. I do play it a lot on my phone however.

I guess this is all.

So today I went to the dentist an hour after I woke up. I went to the dentist 2 months ago and he said that I was going to need 3 fillings. I left around 9:30am, and headed over to the office with my mom. I only had to wait for 5 minutes. My dentist is the best, he is a real pro at what he does. I have had Dr. Perry for as long as I can remember. I sat down on the chair and they gave me the laughing gas that makes you all relaxed, and kind of tired, and it makes you feel kind of floaty. I love laughing gas it is great. I waited for about 10 minutes and then they gave me the numbing shots. They then left me there for another few minutes so it could take effect. I got 3 shots, 2 on the left, one on the right.  After a few minutes they did the drilling and the fillings and stuff. It didn't hurt at all, the drill vibrated, but I didn't feel any pain at all. I was feeling pretty funky right about then because of the gas. They also put on the TV for me. I was watching Disney Channel.

Afterward when they were done they let me sit there for a few minutes to let the gas wear off. They actually let me pick a toy out of the toy box also. I wasn't really planning on picking anything, I just wanted to look. I ended up picking the thing below though.

When I got home I just watched the Olympics for a while and slept and just chilled for a while on the couch. I didn't feel like doing anything for a few hours. I was pretty tired and a little grumpy.

Later today after I did that I got on my computer and started playing around with this screen recorder called Screencast O Matic.  I really like it and I have started using that instead of CamStudio.  I actually am going to be starting a web series on YouTube talking about my vision and how it effects my life. I'll have stuff like stories, pictures, stuff like that. I actually put up the introduction video earlier. I won't have the first official part up until tomorrow or the next day though.

You will notice I use my nickname on my channel and not my real name.

I might eventually make it into a podcast if it goes well, but I need to get a better name for it and stuff first.

I have actually edited a couple pictures to show what my vision is like through my eyes. The pictures below are very very close to what I actually see. I will be making more in the future.

7 or 8 feet away from the fan.

5 and a half feet away from the piano

I watched the Olympics and played game on my phone for the rest of the day. I loved watching the diving and the gymnastics. I have noticed though over the past few days that people are messing up a lot more than usual. I love watching the running, gymnastics, and the water sports the most. Those are my favorite events in the Olympics. I'm more of a Ryan Lockdee fan, than a Phelps fan though. I don't really have any favorites yet in the other sports besides swimming.

I guess that is all for today.

Sometimes my love for water surprises even me. I really love water, and I think the longest I have been in it was something like 14 hours in a pool years back. I never get tired of water it is just so awesome. Sometimes I feel like a mermaid, or a fish.

I went swimming for about 4 and a half hours today. I just went to our local pool. It has 2 water slides, a kids pool, and an adult pool and some pretty cool sprinklers. Tonight my church threw a really big party at this pool and they had stuff like free brownies, cookies, slushies, chips and drinks. It was pretty fun.

Addressing the fact that I did not write yesterday before I go any further with this. You do not have to worry, nothing really happened yesterday worth writing about. i did have some really good salmon, and potatoes for dinner though. Speaking of dinner, I had tacos today, before I left for the pool.

The pool is pretty fun. I'll show the pictures. I usually don't get to take pictures because usually when I go swimming I don't bring my phone. This is not Seven Peaks, it is a different local pool.

The kids pool

The adult pool

In the center is a place with jets, around the center is a little river like thing that goes around in circles and has a current.  a rope separates that part, and the part where people end up when they go down the slides.

A shot of the slides.

The next four are photos of the various sprinklers and water contraptions they have there. These give out very cold water, it feels awesome on a blazing hot day like today was.

Anyway, I would love to write more but my brain is starting to give out now, i"m so tired. I will undoubtedly edit this tomorrow with more details and thoughts.

Busy day today.

My day started with my usual TV watching. Also the thing that actually woke me up was my mom asking if I wanted to go to this church breakfast thing. Today was Pioneer Day in Utah. Pioneer Day is the day the Mormon pioneers first arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Every year on the 24th of July we celebrate this day.

Nothing much happened until after noon besides my usual stuff like reading manga and that stuff. I didn't go to that church breakfast thing because I was sooo out of it.  Sometime after noon we left for the store.

my sister left her wallet at a store yesterday and someone turned it in. We went and got it. I made a stop by Sally's Beauty Supply while they got the wallet. I was right next door to the store they were in and I picked up some nail polish, hair bands, a nail file, and a nail buffer thing. The colors below are Navy blue, Fluorescent yellow, and sky blue.

After I was done in there we headed over to Petsmart to just look around. My mom had gone to drop off some old stuff somewhere and we were just waiting for her to come back.

After she came back we headed over to Good Earth, our local health food store. We had to buy a bunch of gluten free stuff because 3 of the people in my family are allergic to wheat. I got a mango spritzer (it’s like pop, only it’s more healthy.) I also got some Kefir.

After we were done there we took our groceries home and put them away. I tried out my new nail polish. I wanted to do a picture for Instagram, so I did a layer before I went to Costco.  Nothing much hapened between when we left Good Earth, and when we went to Costco.

We went to Costco, not long after we unloaded our groceries at home. it was fun at Costco today, we actually weren’t down ALL the isles and looked at everything they had. My mom and my sister and I found a lot of stuff we would probably like to buy later.  We didn't buy much, just a bunch of basic things. I don’t remember exactly what we got because i never got a good look at our cart. I was looking at the other stuff in the store and payed little attention to it.

After we bought our stuff we put everything into the trunk, and went home. I snacked on some Kirkland Trail Mix on the way home, I was so hungry.  I had only eaten an ice cream bar, a mouthful of Kefir, and something else I don’t remember. It was around  4 something at the point in the afternoon.

After we got home from Costco I took that instragram picture of my nails with one of my new colors. I DID remove the polish right after though. I wanted to try out my new nail buffer and shiner block thing.

Nothing much happened for a while. We were getting ready to go to a church BBQ nearby. We went there around 5:30. They had all kind of food, salads, desserts, sloppy joe's,  potato salad, a lot of other stuff. There were a lot of people, I didn’t know very many because I go to the young adult ward and not my home ward.

There was this buy on a four wheeler that was pulling people around the grass. He had attached a train of little wagons onto the back of his four wheeler and the children were having a lot of fun being pulled around.  it was really cure to hear their laughter and playful screaming.  There was a double Decker bus nearby that the Flix For Charity people brought. They were going to set up a movie outside, but the weather was starting to look cloudy so they moved the stuff inside just in case.

I ate way too much, and I wasn’t feeling hot so i decided to skip the movie. Around the time I left it sprinkled a little, but the clouds never really gave their rain all that much, we did get a beautiful rainbow though.  Everyone loved the rainbow, it was really amazing. The sun was actually still shining while it was sprinkling, it was pretty amazing.

i got sick of being there, and I was feeling a little bad from eating too much, so I decided to walk home because I couldn’t find my dad. I assumed that he had gone to get my mom. She stayed home because she is doing the HCG diet again and didn’t want to be tempted.  He did go home to get her, but she wasn’t ready yet, so on my way home we actually ran into each other and i decided to stay for a little bit longer until he went back again to get her. i ended up going home with my sister instead though.  

Nothing much happened after this until after sunset. We watched a 2 part movie that NBC did a few years back called 10.5. It’s a movie about earthquakes. I guess you could also call it a mini series (a very mini series).  We watched that and just finished it about 20 minutes ago.

My neighbors were shooting off fireworks all over to celebrate the 24th. You could see them in every direction. We are allowed to do fireworks on this day here.  it was really cool to see so many fireworks being set off in the sky. You could even get a good view of them from my kitchen. It was a pretty fun night all in all.

I might edit this tomorrow sometime and add more details. Soooo tired now.

So today I spent a good part of the morning watching Sonic X. I watched it for a few hours. My sister gave me a coupon for a 64 cent roast beef sandwich. Today is Arby’s birthday, so they gave people coupons to print out for the 64 cent roast beef sandwiches. My sister and I decided we were going to get ours right away, so we headed over to Arby’s.

I had just eaten a mango flavored ice cream bar before. I would normally have gotten a shake, but since I ate that ice cream bar I didn’t feel like it. I got the 64 cent sandwich, curly fries, a cherry turnover, and a Dr. Pepper. I never eat out, so it is always nice on the rare occasion that I do. I really enjoyed my food a lot, and even though i know it was a bit silly of me, I did take a picture. I am trying to get pictures of my day more for my blog.

After my sister and I were done and put our stuff in the trash, we went back home. I watched more Sonic X for a while, but then I started playing tetris with some of my family members on Tetris battle and I had to turn if off because I wasn't really watching it and I didn’t want to waste the bandwidth.

So, we played tetris for about 20 minutes I think. My sister went and got my nieces from their summer program, so my dad and my other sister and I were playing.  After my sister came back home I had to leave right after for my appointment with Vocational Rehab.

The vocational Rehab center is a government building I go to every once in a while. I have a councilor, and she helps me get the stuff I need in order to get through school, or get a job, or both. right now I am just focusing on school, so I talked to her about my tuition, books, and sowed her my grades from last semester which were all A’s.

Vocational rehab is a service for visually impaired and other people that have disabilities and need jobs. They help us get jobs and / or get ready for jobs. They are paying for my school and they even gave me a laptop last year in order to help me, and they do a lot of other stuff for me too. They are a huge help.  I talked to my councilor today and we did that stuff, and she gave me a number for these people that are even going to get me a new white cane, and a new monocular, and possibly a new magnifying glass as well since I lost my other one.

After I was done with my appointment we left, and it was actually raining pretty hard outside. I thought it felt really nice. We ran to the car (my dad and I), and we went back home. The rain stopped by the time we were back, I was kind of disappointed.

I watched more Sonic X before I went to FHE (family home evening, or in this case ward family home evening).

At FHE we met at the church and set up tables in the gym / cultural hall. We colored songbook pages for people in Africa. It had to be pretty specific on the way we colored the pictures. There was an example page that showed what the colors had to be. I colored some turtles. If it was up to me I probably would have used really weird colors.REBELLION FOREVER!!!! (haha)

we kind of used the need for uniform colors as a joke. During my time there we talked about many things. Movies we liked and what kind of stuffed animals we collected were among the most interesting subjects. Someone said something about collecting koalas, I heard something about monkeys, and the person next to me collects Cows. As for me it is ducks. As some of you know I LOVE ducks.  I actually showed some pictures with the person that was sitting next to me.

I stopped after the first page because I was really hot and my hand was cramping.
I just sat there for a while and listened to people talk.  Other people were coloring stuff like suns, stars, balloons, frogs, cats and other stuff. We had donuts afterward and then went on our way.

After I went home I got some popcorn, water, and orange, and my pink blanket and then headed to the weekly Flix For Charity event. This week they showed Horton Hears a Who. I love that movie and think it is really funny.  It got a little chilly, but I just partially wrapped my legs in the blanket and was fine. It was a clear, beautiful, breezy night and all the rain clouds have gone away.  I just got back from the movie like 10 minutes ago. I don’t think anything else is going to happen, so I’ll conclude here.

First off, here is the link to last night's post. HERE

Sometimes I’m scared for Darik. I just want him to end u with the right person. I care about him a lot as you know. He hangs out with a lot of people, he has a ton of friends of both genders. Sometimes I am worried that he will get too used to hanging out with lots of girls and he won’t be able to commit. I mean, I think he will, he is an amazing guy, but he worries me sometimes when he hangs out with a lot of girls. i’m just scared that he will fail to notice the girl that is right for him. Sometimes when people are around a lot of people and have a rich social life they forget to look at what is important. I don’t know what he is going to do, i’m not really sure how he thinks when he is around other people, but I just hope he finds his girl soon. I would seriously love to be that person, but I know I can’t, I’m not exactly his type. If I was, and if I was able to I would be his girl in a heartbeat though. I just want what is best for him, he is a really amazing guy and he is good at so many things and his personality is amazing. He shouldn’t settle for anything less than he deserves.

As for his brother Dylan, I’m not as worried about Dylan as I am about Darik. Dylan has Jennifer, I have known Jennifer for a long time, haven’t talked to her much, but I know her well enough that I know she will take good care of Dylan, and even Darik. They are super close, and she is a really awesome person, so I am not worried about Dylan at least. I’m not sure if Darik is close to anyone, like Dylan is close to Jennifer (I actually think they are together, but not sure right now).

I really want them to just get what they deserve. They deserve girls that are talented, smart, sweet, honest, dress nice, act nice, are LDS, faithful, pretty, and dedicated.  Having to stay on the sidelines isn’t exactly easy for me. There are so many times I have wanted to interfere and protect them, but I know I can’t. As much as I love them and want to be in their lives, they have other ideas, and I don’t want to put the pressure on them anymore. I’m not going to be in their world if they don’t really want me there. If it makes them happy I am going to just watch from the sidelines.

I think we would have been closer if I had made better decisions. I look back in my past and I see all the stuff I could have done different. I should have had more courage, I should have stepped up more and talked to them more and hung around them more at school and stuff. I was so nervous and I let my fear and in insecurities get the better of me.  I didn’t work on my social skills enough, and my self esteem and it really effected our friendship. I should have just taken what I had and worked with it instead of just expecting something better to come.  When I was younger my parents never really let me hang out with guys besides my best friend Devin. I just assumed they would let me hang out with Darik and Dylan, I’m was so young and didn’t guess that they wouldn’t let me hang out with them. Hanging out with guys in my religion is considered to be wrong outside an actual relationship, it’s considered to be dangerous. I understand why they upheld that rule now and i’m glad they did honestly. They were just looking out for me.  My mom and dad were good friends with Devin’s family and we grew up together so she let that happen, and it was fine, but other guys were out of the question.  I assumed in the earlier years that I would get to spend some time with them outside of school, so I totally took my time with them for granted and treated it like I had all of it in the world.  If I could do it again I would have more courage, be more out going, be a better friend and talk to them more inside school. A lot of the time I feel like I act like a total moron around them, but i’ll save talking about that for later.  Even if I did it over again and things turned out the same as they have, at least I would have the satisfaction that I tried.

It really is partially my fault we aren’t as close as I wished we could be.  I guess things happen for a reason, but I think it would have been fine either way.  I don’t think my vision problems would have been too much trouble if I had just tried more. I was way to self conscious, and inside myself back then.

I quite honestly hate being away from Darik. I really wish I could be around him and Dylan more. It kills me that I can’t spend more time with them. I really wish I could fix things with us, and actually do what friends do with each other. I feel so gravitated towards both of them and it’s hard to have to hold back. I know my desire is one sided. They have so many other great friends and I really wish now I had made more of an effort ot be one of those exciting, fun, great friends.  I know I have it in me without a doubt.

Somehow I’m sure I’ll deal with this stuff.

Today the first thing I did when I woke up was I washed my hair. I swear I have the most annoying hair in the world right now. It’s at that awkward length again.  

I had a pretty strange breakfast today. i had milk, chicken, and carmel, and cheddar popcorn from Costco. I am definitely NOT great at thinking up stuff to eat.

I read the sailor Moon manga for a while after this. My nieces were watching Redwall upstairs. If you haven’t read the book, or seen the TV show I totally recommend it.  I have seen it too many times, so it is actually really annoying to me now, but it really is a good show. My niece kayla watches it all the time.

Marcie, who usually picks me up every Sunday, and organizes the ward Family Home Evening activities every Monday, texted me at the last second earlier today before church and told me she couldn’t come. She then proceeded to warn me in advance that this is the way it is going to be for the next few weeks. I was really grateful to her for this.  I had to get a ride from my dad because it was already almost 12:40, and everyone had most likely left for church. We usually have to drive at least 10 minutes to get to the building to get to the Young Adult ward.

First hour was about faith, I also did some scripture reading.

Second hour was about Alma 30-32 in the Book of Mormon. I accidentally got too comfortable in class and fell asleep. This week this guy named Trent taught the class. Trent has a very loud voice and this is usually why I end up going to his class when he teaches in the second hour because it’s not easy to sleep through it when Trent is talking.

Third hour was sacrament meeting. I just did the usual. If you know what happens in an LDS sacrament meeting I don’t even need to explain. I have done that a few times before on my blog.

After church I got a ride from Michelle, she takes me to church sometimes too. I have probably mentioned her a few times.  We mostly talked about what our favorite things to do at 7 Peaks water park are.  

I watched more Sailor Moon for a while after this and then went upstairs and surfed facebook for a while on my phone. I saw this picture of a watermelon carving on there and showed it to my niece Natalie. Natalie got a real kick out of it, she had never seen one of those before. I showed her a few more off of Google image search after this.

After this I ate spaghetti for dinner and surfed the news section on Crunchyroll.  I then had a lazy half an hour before going to ward prayer. I was watching some dog sled competition documentary with my nieces, and sitting in weird positions on the couch. Sometimes I do this weird thing where I sit completely backwards on the couch with my feet in the air and stuff. It’s fun sitting the opposite way on the couch sometimes.  

I went to ward prayer after this. Someone sang a song and someone gave a spiritual thought. I did learn something today. There is this store called Winco over here, apparently they have real bees in the store that people just go there and get honey from. I thought that was interesting. I really like Winco, they have those big barrels of candy and stuff. I went there with my brother one time when the power went out once. I got to ride on a scooter for the first time and I bought some candy and pretzels over there.  I think it was back in May or something, before I came back to Xanga, and blogger and blogging in general. At the beginning of ward prayer I actually started to talk to one of my friends, but we got interrupted because it started. I didn't really get to talk to her, but I am planning on posting on her wall later. I'll probably do it after I post this.

We had this chocolate cake stuff that was kind of cool. It had like a layer of dark chocolate stuff on the top, and then there was the cake part, but the coolest part was the pudding like stuff that was inside. At first before you taste it it looks like part of the cake almost, or like the inside of a truffle. It tastes like truffle kind of, but has the texture of pudding. I thought it was really cool. I should have gotten a photo of it.  I was so busy enjoying it I didn’t even think about it.  They also had peanut butter and chocolate cookies. I wish I had the recipe for the cake.

I went home after I grabbed another one of those. My mom and dad were watching the finale of the bachelorette I think when I got home.  

Anyway, here I am now typing this. I think this is all for tonight. If anything else happens I'll edit.

I fell asleep watching Phineas and Ferb again. I didn’t sleep with any blankets on yesterday, just my pajamas it was so hot inside my room. I slept like the dead, and funny enough I woke up like 2 minutes before my alarm. It reminded me of this Phineas and Ferb episode where phineas wakes up before his alarm and turns around and say something like ‘too slow’ or something funny like that.  

I read the Sailor Moon manga for a while, surfed Xanga, and thought about some stuff for a while. I am planning on doing part 3 of my Twin Dillema segment on my blog. I think it is called a segment, wasn’t sure what else to call it.  I should have that up on Monday. I am actually done writing it, but I don’t feel like submitting it yet. I have been thinking about Darik and Dylan a lot lately and I need to let my thoughts out again.

I spent a lot of the day today watching stuff on Hulu Plus, just the usual stuff like anime and other stuff. I am stilll working on building my house in Minecraft Pocket Edition for iPhone and Android. I am partially done, i worked on that a lot today. I really think they need to improve the lighting in that game, candles really don’t help all that much, not like the real PC version anyway.

I decided to watch Sonic X for a while. My sister and my nieces went to the concert tonight (the one I wrote about yesterday and went to), and both my parents were in the choir singing in the concert so I just chilled out at the house watching TV.  I didn't feel like doing anything tonight besides being lazy.

Nothing besides this to tell.

Today I started my day by watching a few episode of Sailor Moon. I am now in th 3rd arc of the show. I don't even know what chapter I am on the manga now. I haven't really been paying attention to that at all.

We have a channel over here on TV that I have recently taken a liking to, it plays a lot of old TV shows from the 50's and 60's. I am pretty familiar with old TV shows because my mom and dad love watching old stuff. I spent a few hours surfing Xanga, reading about the shooting, and playing games on my phone at the same time I was doing this. I have gotten into the habit of always doing something while I am watching a movie or watching TV. I think it has something to do with the fact I don't just like sitting and doing nothing. When I am sitting I always have something to do, or am thinking about something.

As a random note I had a cheese sandwich and ice cream for lunch.  

My mom gave me 4 tickets to a tabernacle choir concert. I put them in my purse, plugged in my charger, and got on Xanga and surfed for a while and also updated my blogger blog (eternalstarryskies). I did this for about 2 hours.

I logged into Destiny Online for fun, turned on Pandora Radio, and started the upload of my fireworks video that I took on the fourth. I started the upload on YouTube, but it told me It was going to take 48 minutes. I was expecting my aunt any minute and I didn't want my computer to go to sleep, so that is why I turned on Pandora. It doesn't go to sleep if pandora is on. I have a laptop.

my aunt and uncle got to the house about 30 minutes later. I was watching TV. I left my room the way it was and left.

we talked about school and other stuff in the car. I told them I am taking 10 credits next semester. I just sat there in the car playing games on my phone until we got to SLC. I mostly played Tetris, but I also played minesweeper, flow, and a few others.

after we got to the conference center after parking, we found the door we were supposed to go in and sat on the side of a nearby fountain. My uncle asked me if I wanted something to eat before, but I said no.  

We got in the actual line about 15 minutes before the doors opened.  The doors opened at half past six. They scanned out tickets, we went through the metal detector, and they checked our bags. We then proceeded to go into the Conference Center ( the part where we sat). We found our seats and then we just waited for an hour and a half almost.
I played games on my phone while I was waiting. I played mostly Minecraft Pocket Edition. I am in the middle of building a house, I will show you guys when I am done.

The concert started at 8pm. It was amazing, they had a lot of show tunes.  The guest singer was the girl that was 2nd runner up in Dancing with the stars 2 months ago I think she said. Her name is Katherin Jenkins. While the concert was amazing, when they surprised us with bringing out her partner from the show that was amazing. They did the paso doble for us and it was amazing.

She sings pretty well and I really enjoyed the evening. After the concert ended we went out right after and found the car. We were stuck in traffic for a few minutes, but we made it out.

After I got home I spent a few minutes on Destiny Online, and here I am now typing this.

I am starving now so I think I am going to end this here and go eat.

So if you read my post from the day before yesterday you know that I was waiting for my Package from the Disney Store. I ordered the Phineas, Ferb, and Perry plushies off of the Disney Store. I did this as a late birthday present to myself. I have waited for them to arrive for 8 days now via UPS. Today they arrived around somewhere close to 6pm. I was so excited whe they got here. Funny enough I wasn't the one who took the plastic off of them, it was my niece Kayla. I opened the cardboard box after breaking the tape and she saw them and decided to take it off her self. I checked the box and took out what I needed and then put the box in the recycle bin outside. I then went back inside and chopped off their tags.  I took them downstairs after finishing the episode of Lincoln Heights I was watching. I took the picture above almost right after I got them.

I just watched stuff on TV for a few hours earlier in the day. I was eagerly awaiting my package all day. Earlier in the afternoon after my dad got home from work, I went wit him to my school to my appointment with my academic councilor. I just needed help knowing what English class I should take. He didn't come with me inside the school, just dropped me off. They are doing some sort of construction around the area I was going to go in, so I had to go in a different entrance, but it worked out for me even better because it was in the building that I was trying to get to anyway. 

I found my way to my councilor's office after going to the wrong floor once and asking directions once or twice.  I sat down in the waiting area, and waited to talk to my councilor. I got confused somehow and accidentally talked the person next to her office. She called me in and I just assumed that I could talk to her too, so I just went in. We quickly cleared our misunderstanding up though after she learned that I was supposed to talk to the other woman. I waited for a little bit longer and played a puzzle game on my phone while I was waiting. I talked to my councilor and she told me what English class I should take. She gave me the class number and directed me to someone who would help me get registered for the class. I am taking English 0990 by the way. I was trying to get into 1010, but I didn't test into it, so I guess this is fine.

After I was done with my appointment and got registered for my English class I went downstairs and started looking around the school again. I walked through the school store for a while. I was actually looking to see if I could find the astronomy book I will be using this next semester. I couldn't find it, and this wasn't particularly destressing to me, so I just looked at some other books. I was going to buy a book, but changed my mind because I have a rather large dental bill coming up.

I walked around the school thinking of where to go to eat. I decided I didn't want to go to Sub Way, and Jamba Juice was closed at the time I was there, so I ended up getting a slushie and a Hershey's cookies and Cream bar at my school's ice cream shop. 

I had called my dad not to long before and he was coming, so after this I went to the place he was waiting. I only had to wait 2 minutes by the time I got there.  I got in the car and we went home. Nothing much happened after this until my package arrived. After my package arrived I just watched anime for the remainder of the evening.