June 20, 2012

  • On My Mind

     

    So a few months before I came to Xanga almost 5 years ago I was in college. it was my first year of college, my first two semesters. I really didn't get back then the seriousness of college, what it would be like, what to expect, etc. I was so unprepared. I failed nearly all my classes for both semesters that I was in college back then. I wasn't motivated, I wasn't into it, and I lack confidence also. I was basically in school back then because I just liked school, that was all. I didn't care if I failed, i wasn't taking it seriously at all. 

    Anyway, I decided I wanted to take a break from school after my second semester was a failure. i decided I needed to find myself and to improve myself before I went back to college. I was on academic probation after that last semester. 

    I spent nearly 4 years after that running from myself, being lazy, gaining weight, doing nothing just surfing the Internet, watching anime. I went through several bouts of depression, and i made sure no one knew about it. I struggled physically, mentally, spiritually, and in a lot of other ways. I was consumed in myself, I ignored everyone, dismissed them like they weren't important. I was moody, and just off balance in general.

    Somehow through some miracle after 3 years, in the last year i was out of school I decided to think about my life seriously, that was this last year. I somehow managed to pull myself together somehow and gain confidence, motivation, I figured out what subject I wanted to get into,  I started taking my health more seriously in more than one way.  

    I started to realize the importance of school, of getting a job in the future, of my life in general. I know a lot of the reason I got through this was because I started relying on God more and I started to let him into my heart finally. After I did this and I started taking life more seriously, and gained the desire to become a better person, things in my life just seemed to get better and better. I also realized just how unhappy I was before. I was kind of in denial that I was unhappy all those years I guess. 

    I have been getting better and better at being responsible and doing my share in life. I just finished my first semester back in school almost 2 months ago. I got straight A's, and I am no longer in academic probation. I feel a ton better when I am learning and productive.  My life is still slowly turning around. I have to admit now i actually don't like being out of school anymore, after all that time being out of school I came to dislike long breaks. I am really looking forward to going back in the fall.  I want to better myself, and become a great person that can life others up. I am going for a major in Psychology in school. I can't wait until I get there. 

    I still have a lot of other things i need to do before my life truly gets going. I've never had a job, and I need to work on my social skills a lot more. I definitely have room for improvement. 

    I am an optimist and always have been, and always will be. 

    You will no doubt see me tell more stories about my life before Xanga. :)

Comments (11)

  • I hope you continue to do well and get a fine job soon.

  • You have come a long way and good for you.  Looking forward to hearing more for you and as Zsa said, hope you do well and find a good job soon.

  • Good for you for restarting and doing so well with your studies!  

  • @ZSA_MD -  So do I, that would be really nice.
    @Grannys_Place - Truly, I have changed a lot, and I'll never give up on becoming a better and better person. I have so many plans for my life and I intend to do, or at least try and do them all. Thanks for the rec by the way. :)
    @lanney -  It sure feels awesome.

  • Glad you are doing so well in college now.

  • Good luck in the future!

  • Dear Liahna,

    Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving such a nice comment on my June 17 entry.

    What's wrong with surfing the internet and watching anime? Seriously, it seems as if you've learned in a few short years what it sometimes takes decades for some people to learn, and then sometimes it's just too late. Good for you!

    Throughout my life, I remain optimistic. I was barely into my 20s when both my parents died. I had to forget about education, and drop out of college so I could concentrate on my job and making money to live. I was a young man during the 1970s, with free love and lots of drugs, and some of that weighed heavily on a few of my friends. Three of my best pals died at a relatively young age.  I've never had good luck in romance, and find myself still a bachelor as I approach 60! My longest relationship was with a gal who was probably schizophrenic, but I loved her.

    I like to say I'm not alcoholic, but I had a lot of problems with drugs and alcohol during my youth. I've been suicidal and a bit dangerous to others at times. I'm bipolar, obsessive compulsive, and sometimes I've been known to talk to myself. (As long as I don't answer myself I guess I'm still sane enough.) I won't even go into health problems.

    But I've remained optimistic, and I like to smile instead of frown at circumstance, no matter how hard life gets or how insane events seem to be.

    Wish I'd had more of your resolve back when I was your age. You rock.

    Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • @baldmike2004 -looks like you have been through a lot as well. Thank you for the comment and the rec. :)

  • Congratulations on the good grades!

    I think your new-found self confidence comes from inside you,  though, and not from a religious source. Don't underestimate yourself.

  • @dingus6 - Or could be both! Either way, I'm just glad I improved.

  • I am looking forward to here your stories...both the good and the bad ...because in the end I think you wil be a stronger person than what you were.

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment