July 18, 2011

  • Into Silence

    So yesterday I decided I am going to stop talking to Dylan. Today I decided to do the same for Darik since that is fair. I have been in this endless loop of drama with those two for so long it's insane. Most of the drama comes from the fact that I have a lot of regrets when it comes to my friendship with Dylan. Anyone that has seen posts like "Shattered Illusion" which was about Dylan know how I feel about him, at least a little.

    I have tried explaining how I feel about our friendship so many times to Dylan. I don't think Dylan really wants to deal with it so I decided to just leave him alone. I made the mistake of not trusting him and not being myself around him. I was pretty scared and I really liked Dylan a lot. Unlike Darik, I had classes in school with Dylan, so I became attached to him in a different way. This kind of attachment made me afraid to lose him. I was afraid if he found out my flaws he would become more distant. As I see now that happened anyway because I wasn't honest.  I should have been a little more brave when it comes to our friendship. I also see that if I had done this I could have seen if he is really a true friend, or if it would have fizzed out anyway. now I'm stuck with the fact that I will never know. I don't know him as well as I thought I did anyway. I don't think it would make much of a difference anymore if I just quit talking to him.

    the reason why I have held on to Dylan, is mainly because Darik and I have a pretty decent friendship, at least from my point of view. Darik and I get along pretty well, and while we only talk a little more than Dylan and I, I feel like I can talk to Darik about anything and be myself around him. This is the huge difference in our friendship, besides the fact I just feel more comfortable around Darik, and a little closer. The way I see it it is either try to get along with both, or just stop talking to both.

    I'm at the point where I have become really tired of trying to get attention from either of them. I don't really feel like talking to them now very much. I decided that I am just going to back off a little from both of them and give them, and myself a little space. I have been needing this for a while. I feel like sometimes I feel pressured to try and talk to them. This happens because I don't have very many opportunities to do this. I think I will be happier if I do this for a while. They are away from here working in another state anyway until September so this is the perfect time to do this.  I'm not sure how long I will stop talking to them but I will just take if one day at a time.

    I really hope things work out with this.