July 3, 2011

• System Overload

  Yesterday was pretty fun, we decided to to the the fireworks at the end of the "Stadium of Fire". They always have really great fireworks. The "Stadium of Fire" is an annual 4th of July celebration we have here in Utah, it is usually held in BYU stadium here in Utah. They usually have some famous singer give a concert and there is different stuff that happens like dancers, and other things I don't remember, but it's really cool. The fireworks that they have in the finale are SO amazing, they shoot off a lot of them. There are a lot of people that just come over towards the end and sit on the grass with a blanket and just watch the end of the fireworks. You don't even have to be inside the stadium to see them, just sitting outside the stadium on the grass is enough. That is what we did.

  We went to the stadium and put a blanket down on the grass somewhere where we could hear the concert pretty good as well (you can hear it from 5 blocks away so didn't matter really). We had gone to Costco earlier yesterday and bought Sun Chips, chocolate, water bottles, oranges, and a few other things. We brought some of the stuff with us to the Stadium just so we could have something to snack on. We had to park 3 or 4 blocks away because there was NO parking at all. There were a lot of streets blocked off and a lot of Police, and barriers and stuff because there were a lot of people that were in the same situation as us and had to walk a couple of blocks. I did not use my cane because I did not want all the people glancing and looking at me. It is already hard for an HSP Introvert like me to be around big crowds, the glances and stares would have just made it worse. I was fine without the cane and decided to try my glasses again. It worked fine, but not a lot. 

  Anyway so we just sat there listening to Brad Pasley sing, he is pretty good. I liked this years selection better than last years. Last year they had Miley Cyrus singing at Stadium of Fire. I hate Miley Cyrus. I just played with my phone and ate snacks and watched my cute nephew playing around.  As you probably guessed I ended up breaking my diet again (I'm never going to try HCG in june again ha ha). It's not really possible for me to keep a diet at this time of the year I have found out **laugh**.

  The fireworks came around after a while, they just started with a few at a time and just increased. I took video of some of the fireworks (I'll post it later).  Jax (my nephew) was a little scared by the loud noise, we had to cover his ears so he wouldn't freak out. He got used to it after a while and calmed down a little but still got startled and complained a little bit. He is only 10 months old so I don't think he has ever seen fireworks like this before.

  When the finale came around we left right after the fireworks were done. There were thousands of people going to their cars afterward, we had to hurry. Being around a lot of people like that is very draining to me since I am an introvert down to a T.  I knew I would probably be out like a light when I got to the car because I find crowds and lots of social interaction draining. It was noisy, crowded, chaotic, absolutely insane. We kind of drifted along with the crowd that was going in the same direction as us, I tried to wear my glasses and it didn't really do anything so I took them off and it was actually better.  Right then was not a time to have my awareness dulled so it was a good thing I took them off. I get lost in crowds if I am not careful (like I said two posts ago). 

  We eventually got to the car after about 20 or 25 minutes of maneuvering around crowds.  I felt so dead when we finally got to the car. When I sat down I could just feel the urge for sleep coming over me.  We managed to only get stuck in traffic for about 10 minutes which was a miracle since there were thousands of people trying to get out as well. Lucky for me we have lived here so long that we know how to avoid situations like that and get out of traffic fast. We took a different way home.  I was drifting in and out of sleep the whole way home, it came over me really fast. If you know the way and introvert's brain works you would completely understand why, even if you don't if you know what and introvert is you will know why I was so drained after that.  On top of this I am HSP (Highly sensitive person).  This makes it much harder.

  By the time we got home it was around midnight. It took us probably 35 minutes to get home. I was so overloaded and every little thing was annoying to me. I wanted to just be alone and sleep, everything, even my bones felt tired. I used every bit of energy I had pretty much to be able to stand that huge crowd of people.  I went downstairs as soon as possible and went inside my room. I decided to wind down a bit and listen to some New Age Music to get more relaxed. I listed to music for about a half an hour and then went to sleep. I slept like the dead yesterday night.

  I did not want to wake up in the morning. I think my radio was on for 30 minutes before my brain decided to respond to it. I took a shower yesterday evening so I wouldn't have to wake up earlier today and take one. I know how my brain works so I knew I would be fizzled out and I would need that extra hour and a half of sleep. I usually wake up at 7am on Sundays it but today I woke up at 8:30. I got ready for church, decided what I wanted to wear, did my hair and stuff and got my purse. I had an orange and a glass of milk right before I left, when my ride came. I was still pretty tired, not really recovered from yesterday.

  We were a little late for church today but we made the sacrament portion of the meeting. I was semi- fine for the first hour of church and stayed awake pretty well even though I wanted to sleep. The 2nd hour though I fell asleep after just kind of bending over in my seat and letting my head droop. When I managed to get myself to at least be half awake I decided I should probably just go plug my ear buds in my ears and go sit out in the foyer and listen to the scriptures. I was pretty much asleep when I was doing this but even when I was sleeping I could still hear what it was saying.  There were a few times in the 3rd hour of church when I was sleeping out on the couch and listening to the scriptures on my iPhone that I went into this state where I was awareness where I was semi-aware of things going on around me and my body and stuff, not like sleep paralysis or anything like that, that is different but it was still weird. It was like I was asleep but became aware of that when I was sleeping, kind of like I was kind of awake but not really. I could still move a little bit. Then another time I actually had a mini dream that I woke up to late after church and everyone was gone. For some reason in that dream I was carrying 3 purses haha. That was super weird. 

  i did not want to get off the couch, my brain knew it had to wake up again though and so it did and I felt SO drowsey, I was stumbling everywhere and if everyone didn't know better because we were at church and none of us drink they probably would have thought I was drunk or something. I really felt like I could fall asleep standing up. I found my ride and we left o go home. i could not wait to go home. The hot car kind of made me wake up a little bit but I was still pretty tired, wiped out from yesterday.  I didn't say anything to anyone in the car on the way home. None of them really tried to talk to me I told them I was feeling really wiped out.

  When I got home I went straight downstairs, got on my casual clothes, and went back upstairs for a few minutes to eat something. My dad made waffles right before he and my mom went to church. I ate some waffles and drank some milk and went downstairs. I checked facebook and Destiny Online and a few other things and decided to turn off my computer because it would be completely silent. I turned off my computer and turned on Pandora Radio on my iPhone. I had it on the New Age Mix station. I climbed back into bed and was out like a light within 2 or 3 minutes. 

  I had a few times during my 3 hour nap when I would kind of wake up a little and I would be aware of my body. My body felt heavy, I could tell it really wanted sleep, my brain could tell this too because I went right back into deep sleep after I realized this. The music and the mixture of silence really helped me a lot along with the extra sleep. I felt a lot better when I woke up. It's amazing what silence and quiet music can do for you along with sleep when you are an HSP Introvert like me.  I no longer felt like I would collapse any moment after I slept more.  I'm still a bit tired, but nothing sleeping later can't fix. I'm still not completel recovered but I think I will be by tomorrow. Tomorrow is my birthday, I am turning 22.

  I just watched Star Trek Next Generation and ate a Sandwich after this. I also turned back on my computer and I have just been watching anime and stuff. I don't think anything else will happen tonight but if it does I will remember to update.

  • 9:31 PM
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