April 7, 2011

  • Windy Thursdays

    So today I went shopping again. I bought some oranges, apples, juice, garbage bags, yogurt, and a few other things. I really enjoy going to the store, or going out in general. I haven't gotten out very much in the past couple of years. I am trying to do something about this now but used to spend almost every waking moment alone, except for times with my family on occasion i the evenings, and church on Sundays. You know I have had a bit of trouble with running away from my problems in the past. I never really allowed myself to want to go anywhere, or be around anyone. I was always afraid I would get in the way of my family members or my friends or other people if I decided to be free, so I confined myself to my computer in my room for 3 years nearly.  I can tell this hasn't been healthy emotionally for me at all. I have just made it so it's harder for me to be around people,  I am trying to change this now.

    I am glad I am finally thinking more about myself, what I want, what I need, what I want to do, without being selfish. It's so refreshing to let myself think freely, write freely, do stuff freely. I am going to possibly, maybe learn how to use the bus system over here. I think it would help me a lot, and make it easier for me to get a job even. One of my problems with getting a job is transportation. My family is very busy and a lot of the time they can't drive me places, this has caused me not to want to go places in the past because I felt like I was being a burden. If you have read a decent amount of my previous posts you know that being a burden on people is a big deal to me. I really like to make things as easy for people as I can. 

    It's windy and cold today, these types of days make me think a lot and bring out a lot of emotion. i don't know what it is about wind but it always makes my mind restless and come alive. I think this is the reason I hate it when the weather is also cold. Cold weather provokes my negative and depressing thoughts sometimes. It's funny how the weather can sometimes really change your mood. I prefer the summer, or the spring. The flowers and all the plants in the spring and summer and even the leaves in the early fall make my imagination, and positive thoughts come out and make me feel energetic and relaxed. 

    Anyway, sorry if this entry wasn't that interesting. I'm working on a few kind of long ones right now, can't wait until I am finished and I can post them on here.  I just don't feel right if I skip a day of posting. I love Xanga that much.  I'm just trying to pull whatever I can out of my head right now while at the same time trying not to share to many thoughts at once. if I share everything all at once what will I have left to share?  heart

Comments (3)

  • I have been in my room glued to my laptop for years. Eleven years to be exact. I know where you are coming from. I haven't worked in 5 years and I do wanna work but I don't drive. I live in the middle of nowhere and I have a selfish family who wouldn't help me to get around. I'd like to go back to the school where I worked and graduated from, so I can work again and my brother works right next to it. He won't take me to work though so I can't. Sigh. Anyway, I am glad you are out and about and sorting out your life that's great! Best of luck with all you do!

  • you sometimes have to take more time to think about what's best for you.

    Today was so warm here.  It was only about 60 but it felt so warm compared to what it was.  It felt nice to walk around with just a t-shirt.

  • Even my hometown bus system often confuses me. You just have to pore over the maps and schedules and be VERY patient.

    Do you bike? Buses here have bicycle racks, so you can bike to the bus stop, load your bike on the rack, then bike to your final destination when you get off the bus. It really extends your range.

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